Friday Funnies

Q. Two South Auckland girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.
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Q. What do you call a 30 year old South Auckland girl?

A. Granny.
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Q. Why did the South Auckland girl cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.
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Q. What do you call an South Auckland girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.
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Q. What's the first question during an South Auckland quiz night?

A. What you looking at?
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Q. What does an South Auckland girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter.
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Q. Two South Auckland kids in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.
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Q. What's the difference between a boy and an South Auckland girl?

A. An South Auckland girl has a higher sperm count.
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Q. What's the most confusing day in South Auckland ?

A. Father's day
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Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in South Auckland ?

A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

According to prophecy

Seems I got it right again.

I wish I had been wrong, mind! Talk about the proverbial slap on the hand with a wet bus ticket!

And to confirm that a man would get a far stiffer sentence- just look here- and note that while serious stuff NOBODY DIED.

UPDATE:
Picture and more of the story of the low-life kid-killer bitch here

Sauce fo the Goose...

Recession- not here

Not in Wellington, anyway. That is, if the crowds in the cafes, resturaunts and bars was anything to go by, last Sunday. Shed Five was full to bursting, as were all the surrounding establishments.

The harbour cats were packed with sightseers out for the harbour tour and the helicopters were all in the air flying about.

This recession doesn't compare with the last one I remember- the late '80's.

Christchurch 1988 was dead- all the bars were empty and had $1 bottles for happy hour in an attempt to draw punters in- great if you had money!

That was the time 25% of the Christchurch workforce wasn't. Nothing like this time and with far less about it on TV and n the papers...

What emergency?

"The Corrections Department has beds available for emergency use but will run out by February, Corrections Minister Judith Collins says..."

The answers are all here.

No sweat for a platoon of Army Engineers!

Along with a few thousand other, I used to live in this sort of accomodation for a couple of months of the year- without having been caught breaking any of the laws of our land! So don't cry hardhip and cruelty here!

But I still think my previous solution was more creative...

An easy problem to solve

"The number of prisoners in New Zealand is at the highest level ever, two weeks after breaking the previous record.."

Solution:

I call it 'Prison Lotto'TM

Inmates get a number for every year they are sentenced to serve (with a threshold for entry, as I am not a cruel person) Five years gets five chances in the draw, a life sentence gets you however many years you have before reaching the average lifespan.

The number of tickets draws is 10% of the total muster.

The prison population is decimated every year!

Did I mention that bad behaviour gets you a bonus ticket each time you screw up?

A day outing to Somes Island

You can't beat Wellington on a good day. Trick is getting Wellington on a good day- when you have a day off!

$62.50 for the ferry trip (family ticket) and $5/head if you want the guided tour.

A thoroughly enjoyable day (when you exclude tardy kids, flat car batteries, expired credit cards, last minute dirty nappies, exorbitant Wellington parking rates, children with eggcup sized bladders...

UPDATE:
Having been asked, the ferry trip takes 20 minutes. These is a sealed road up the hill to the quarantine station- an easy ten minute stroll with small children. There are plenty of tracks around the island OK for pushchairs and there are two toilets!

More info here:
DOC
A map
Ferry info.

Primitive savage behaviour- as predicted

"At 9.40pm firefighters were called to the house on the corner of Wainoni Rd and Hampshire St where the bodies of Tisha Lowry and Rebecca Chamberlain were found on September 4..."

I hope (yeah, right) the poice are following strong leads- namely the cavemen who threatened to do this.

I have something of a theory on this now common act.

Its not about apeasing the sky pixies at all.

In the arsonist's very small and primitive minds, they see what to the is a moral justification to indulge in a bit of lawlessness. 'Yippie- I get to burn somebodys house down and feel good about it!'

And as we know, property owners are all 'rich honkey bastards, who are insured anyway'

Playing with a laser

Quartz crystal illuminated by a 50 mW green laser.

(Yes, I'm bored)

It's talk like a pirate day!

Arrrrggggghhhh!


Where's my pirating outfit?

Arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!

Cool toys

A 20mm rifle!

Hat Tip: The Firearms Blog

Crocodile Tears

"A group of teenagers who organised an illegal drag race after school which ended in a three-car crash want to tell classmates how they were "foolish and dangerous..."

Yeah right- I seem to have heard this one before.

You ain't fooling anyone- all you want to do is put on a nice show of penitence and get diversion from some serious charges.

I hear this same story all the time- Master Screwup goes about telling the other yoof they shouldn't do as he has done. Shame they persist in screwing up anyway.

And what is this shit?
"..As serious crash unit officers continue to investigate, with decisions on any charges being put on hold, calls have been made for police to rid the roads of boy racers..."

I go 6 kph over the limit and no mercy is shown, yet the above have yet to be charged?- for doing something that WAS dangerous- not something that COULD have been dangerous!

Try figuring that one out- I can't!

One rule

Don't piss me off.

Freedom of speech is the right to find your own friggin' soapbox!

I especially refer to the girlie commenters that like to drop snide comments- two from a very similar IP...

The upside is that I have figured out how to make haloscan work!

What HAVE we come to?

"Three New Zealand soldiers will be sent home for passing on a photo featuring a bomb plastered with an energy drink sticker and the words "dear Taleban, enjoy this"...

"The return home of these three personnel was a command decision," said Commander Joint Forces NZ Air Vice Marshal Peter Stockwell.

"Blah, Blah, Blah..

"Let me be very clear that this is not about a group of young soldiers just taking a photograph of themselves; soldiers have been doing this since the availability of cameras. These three are returning to New Zealand because of a series of actions and errors of judgment on their part that did not meet the standards we expect of our people."

What kind of Nancy-boy, pussy-whipped, squat to pee, neutered faries do we have running the armed forces! Air marshal in charge of three helicopters and and antiquated freighter!

Do you limp-wristed Biggles Boys think this is the friggin' boy scouts?

Show a fraction of the balsl of those at the sharp end and tell the press to go fuck themselves!

Is this really the country that produced so many pilots who played prominant roles in WWII?

[Historical error corrected above]

Who would have looked at that picture and said something like "Who gives a damn about the enemy!"

And the penalty- 'Becuse you are not behaving as gentlemen, you cannot play war anymore!'

Hello?

"Please doan throw me into that ol' briar patch!"

Game friggin'over

England is FUBAR.

Should have just surrendered to Hitler and saved yourselves the pain. Hell, by now you would have worked up to being second class German citizens which is a hell of a lot better than the outlook as I see it.


England is FUBAR.

Why piss about?

Just terminate the bastard- you know the one I mean.

Perhaps you don't- there are so many deserving scrotes out there right now.

Including these two shit-heads!

Interesting Technology

I can't embed the video, but it is over here on youtube.

This is the 35th century construction equipment I was thinking of five years ago when I wrote the story!

Calving time

Not everybody makes the grade...

Riotous Assembly

"Police have charged 67 people after the Undie 500 rally deteriorated into a weekend of violence in Dunedin.

Charges include breaching the temporary liquor ban, disorderly behaviour, obstruction and wilfully setting fire to property.

Most of those charged will appear in the Dunedin District Court on Thursday and Friday, with three appearing tomorrow..."

So they want to ban the Undie 500.

Wrong way to go. Play the ball, not the player!

How many time do I have to repeat that banning does sod all?

What they DO need to do is to sentence convicted rioters with the full penalties in law. If this buggers up their oh-so-promising futures- tough shit.

Actions should have consequences.

See if a cop done for DUI gets let off with diversion? not likely, and that is how it should be.

No doubt these young crap-heads will have mumsy and daddy digging deep to have a high-powered lawyer find some loophole, like a spelling mistake in the charge sheet.

These sort of parents are as bad as the shit in the dock- and no doubt are a major part of the problem.

While I'm on the subject, Dunedin might be a good place to deploy a water cannon unit. The type of water cannon that injects marker dye and OC.

Passed on by a friend:

A LITTLE GUN HISTORY

Most importantly note the difference between Australia and Switzerland at the bottom of this.

In 1929, the Soviet Union established gun control
From 1929 to 1953, about 20 million dissidents, unable to defend d themselves were rounded up and exterminated.-----


In 1911, Turkey established gun control
From 1915 to 1917, 1.5 million Armenians, unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.----


Germany established gun control in 1938
From 1939 to 1945, a total of 13 million Jews and others who were
unable to defend themselves were rounded up and exterminated.-----


China established gun control in 1935
From 1948 to 1952, 20 million political dissidents, unable to defend
themselves, were rounded up and exterminated-----


Guatemala established gun control in 1964
From 1964 to 1981, 100,000 Mayan Indians, unable to defend
themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.----


Uganda established gun control in 1970
From 1971 to 1979, 300,000 Christians, unable to defend themselves,
were rounded up and exterminated.----

Cambodia established gun control in 1956
From 1975 to 1977, one million educated people, unable to defend
themselves, were rounded up and exterminated.----


Defenceless people rounded up and exterminated in the 20th Century because of gun control: 56 million.-----

It has now been 12 months since gun owners in Australia were forced by new law to surrender 640,381 personal firearms to be destroyed by their own Government, a program costing Australia taxpayers more than $500 million dollars. The first year results are now in:

1: Australia-wide, homicides are up 3.2 percent.
2: Australia-wide, assaults are up 8.6 percent...
3: Australia-wide, armed robberies are up 44 percent (yes, 44%

In the state of Victoria alone, homicides with firearms are now up 300%

Note that while the law-abiding citizens turned them in, the criminals did not, and criminals still possess their guns!
While figures over the previous 25 years showed a steady decrease in armed robbery with firearms, this has changed drastically upward in the past 12 months, since criminals now are guaranteed that their prey is unarmed.


There has also been a dramatic increase in break-ins and assaults of the ELDERLY. Australian politicians are at a loss to explain how public safety has decreased, after such monumental effort, and expense was expended in successfully ridding Australian society of guns.





The Australian experience and the other historical facts above prove it.

You won't see this data on the US evening news, or hear politicians disseminating this information. Guns in the hands of honest citizens save lives and property and, yes, gun-control laws adversely affect only the law-abiding citizens. Take note my fellow Americans, before it's too late! The next time someone talks in favour of gun control, please remind them of this history lesson. With guns, we are 'citizens'. Without them, we're 'subjects'.

During WWII the Japanese decided not to invade America because they knew most Americans were ARMED! If you value your freedom, please spread this anti-gun control message to all of your friends. The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defence.

The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.


SWITZERLAND ISSUES EVERY HOUSEHOLD A GUN!

SWITZERLAND 'S GOVERNMENT TRAINS EVERY ADULT THEY ISSUE A RIFLE.

SWITZERLAND HAS THE LOWEST GUN RELATED CRIME RATE OF ANY CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!! IT'S A NO BRAINER! DON'T LET OUR GOVERNMENT WASTE MILLIONS OF OUR TAX DOLLARS IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE ALL LAW ABIDING CITIZENS AN EASY TARGET.


AND WHERE IS NEW ZEALAND HEADING????????????????

Leadership

The bayonet is far from obsolete!

Not all are tarred with the same brush.

Its worth remembering that not all those on the public payroll are a waste of rations and that SOME of them do the sort of days work that most would truely dread- as a matter of routine!

I can tell you that the story told at the link above would be a fairly typical one.

Worthless birdcage liner

Can you believe this shit from the Herald?

"...There is the dread of leaving the house that morning. People might stare, or worse, yell insults.

Prayers are more intense, visits with family longer. Mosques become a refuge..."

Where was the refuge for the poor bastard on the video clip below?

Some muslim sensiblities are offended (not that that takes much) Big deal!

Listen to the audio and hear one of the 2998 DIE!

Lest we forget

Stuff we all know

Hat Tip: Theo Spark

Stop buggerizing about

"Parliament is set to sit to midnight tonight as MPs continue to debate reform of the Resource Management Act..."

Whats to debate?

Scrap the friggin travesty!

All this nonsense about 'save the trees'

"...Labour predicted wholesale removal of trees from Auckland with MP Lynne Pillay saying it would lead to the "death by a thousand cuts" of suburban greenery..."

Bollocks!- go into a garden center or nursery and watch people hand over large amounts of their own cash BUYING trees to plant.

Look at what is urban land now- a while back much was bare pasture (cleared from the bush) Then it was subdivided and what dis the homeowners do?

PLANT TREES.

Without being ordered to by the state and at their own expense.

I don't see doom and despair for the trees of this land...

Who is the terrorist?

"The man who drove his car through glass doors at the Inland Revenue Department building in Christchurch says he warned the department about terrorism but it had no security measures in place..."

Now was he warning IRD of terrorist attacks or was he warning IRDs about THEIR terrorist attacks?

We didn't really need warning.

Maybe he should have included a bomb.

A VERY BIG one.

Neutering the police continues

It appears that some friggin' office-bound chair warmer has decided to cut costs by cutting one of the more critical areas of training! Bloody unbelievable!

Your average plod couldn't shoot his way out of a wet paper bag as it is. The last thing they need is reduced training.

"...He said the decision was believed to have been made to reduce "training overhead".

It followed a national policy to introduce a three-tiered firearms training model which would lead to "position specific" exemptions. That could include officers working on youth aid and other police sections..."

"...The magazine said the cost of ammunition was rising and under the proposed new tiered training structure "first responders" would get more firearms training, "secondary" responders would get rifle training only (and not hand gun training) and others would get no firearms training at all..."

Secure this bullshit RIGHT NOW. Firearms training is an intregal part of the job and the cost of ammo just does not come into it. ANY cop can be called up in a bad situation, regardless of their position- or is the plan now to cower and wait for the army?

How about cutting all the cultural cringe sensitivity training and use the money to buy some more 9mm?

TradeMe- You. Will. Be. Destroyed.

12" radio control dalek as new boxed

• Start price: $100.00
• No reserve
• Closes: Fri 11 Sep, 11:19 pm
• Listing #: 240208057

Starting bid: $ Auto-bid

Photo 1 of

View full size photo

size does matter.
as new taken out of box to exterminate.
girlfriend then put away.
no marks or scratches.
10 different phrases controlled by radio.
full radio controll.
moving head and gun.
flashing lights cool.
comes with mint box and all original contents.
tru star of doctor who
$10 shipping nz wide.

(bold highlighting is mine)

A new blog worth following

Some good commentary over here at Opinionated Mummy.

Well worth a look.

Please pay a new blogger a visit and leave a few comments.

We need more like this!

What kind of PC weenies do we have in defense headquarters?

Story here.

What kind of limp-wristed, PC, hand-wringing, sooks do we have posing as soldiers these days?- I'm talking about the REMF's in Defense Headquaters, so there is no confusion here.

Totally inappropriate behaviour my arse!

Bombs and shell have been sent over with a bit of decoration since their invention.

And now its a problem- why- because some scote will be offended two microseconds before he is turned into ant fodder.

And what are you going to do to the troopies as punishment?- send them to Afghanistan?

Wankers!!!

UPDATE:
"...Green Party MP Keith Locke said today the Defence Force should explain exactly what role the soldiers had been performing at Bagram airbase where the photos were taken.

"We have been led to believe that the NZDF unit at Bagram was purely to facilitate the delivery of supplies through to our Provincial Reconstruction Team in Bamien province," he said..."

On behalf of all the good soldiers out there who are unable to make such a statement-

Keith Locke- go fuck yourself with a tree!

Doomed house

Whats the bet this house gets burned down in the near future?

Not that the whole area wouldn't benefit from the attentions of the D11 a few posts back...

UPDATE
Entirely predictable- the Cavemen and the Hand-Wringers want to make free with OUR property!

Spending other people's money

$400,000 for a public toilet in Wellington.

Isn't it easy spending what you have never earned!

Apparently, the going rate for a toilet block is $100k

I wonder what that works out to per square meter, considering a basic house costs $800-1000.

UPDATE:

I'm told that house costs are more like $2-2.5k per metre. I was working on Wairarapa prices quoted a few months ago.

Do you think this cocksucker likes me?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A new pleasure

Trust an towel-head to try out a new form of extreme enemas!

Problem is the clowns at airport security are now going to want to look where the sun don't shine!

I think I will just keep having my holidays in NZ!


'Look out- he's got a Mk 82 hanging out of his arse!'

When in Rome...

If you want to live as a Muslim, move to a Iran or suchlike.

I see no reason whatsoever to cater to their sensibilities here.

They sure as hell won't respect your 'right' do drink beer and eat ham over there!

Oh, really!

Kids are SO concerened about the spelling of a name that they write to Michael Laws, telling him how angry they are?

Yeah, right.

Since when do kids that age even think about such things?

Especially spelling- look at the way they make a total has out of the English language with the idler's abortion that is txtspk!

Ask them about the latest TV shows or ghastly popular music and they will have a sort of opinion on that- based on what the other kids in their herd are saying.

No, they were put up to it.

Laws called them out and basically told them to bugger off- good on him!

Laws is accountable to his ratepayers, not a bunch of upstarts and the teacher from elsewhere, filling their minds with her own agenda.

UPDATE:
For the easily offended that don't understand what bullying is- here is an example.

UPDATE:
There is a poll over here
More news that has come to light, is that this issue happened in April- it surfaces the day after his 'Gang Patch' bill...

Coming to getcha!

Now THATS a shed!

One can dream!

Thats enough serious stuff for now!

Watching National Geographic channel and they had a bit on the Dragon Rapide.

That set off the memory and after a quick Google:

(I think it was from the Rutland Dirty Weekend Book)

Hello you chaps! You know pranging around over the Baltic in a twin-engined Dragon Rapide can be a bally lonely business, even with chums like Algy and Ginger prancing around, and it's at times like these that a bloke needs the zany, whacky, kooky, oddball humour of Monty Python to keep his hands on the joystick, and his mind off chums like Algy and Ginger. Take this book for instance . . . Ginger get off. As you know it folds into a small coffee table, it can be used as a shower, or burns with a bright blue flame to provide twenty hours cooking, or up to thirty hours heating. If you chew the colour pages you can take in enough nutriment to keep alive in the desert for up to sixteen days, and if you simply add the cover to water it folds into an exquisite Japanese flower arrangement. The book may be used as a defensive weapon, it can be inserted as a plug for internal hemorrhaging, chopped into segments and simmered to provide a decent curry, pulped and chewed as a mild halllucinogen, or mashed and sprayed on exposed parts of the skin to make recalcitrant agents talk. If creamed with milk it can be rolled out and frozen to form a tasty ice lolly, combined with lighter fluid in an empty bottle it makes a passable bomb, and rolled up, smeared with KY and sat on, it makes a perfectly acceptable . . . Algy will you put that down, I haven't finished reading it. Well use the vibrator in the forward storage hold. Yes of course Ginger's cleaned it. No I haven't seen the contoured condoms. As you can see it's a pretty useful type of a book and I for one am jolly pleased to recommend it. It's a deuced clever little number, and I'm keen to say a nice word about the backroom boys behind it. So, here goes . . . bombs away . . . no, no Algy love . . . Algy! . . . I meant it metaphorically . . . Algy! . . . Al . . . oh well, teach the Swedes to be neutral.

Violence as a virtue

"Violence never solve/settled/achieved anything"

One of those red-flag comments to me!

It's utter nonsense.

Violence has been settling matters from the dawn of time. For good or bad.

I used the example of violence against six million Jews. Now this violence had a profound impact on their lives- and the effects carry on today.
What did it achieve?
A corrupt and evil regime used the hate against the Jews to further its own agenda.

A regime that had ITS fate most definitely settled by violence.

In the longer term it has produced a nation that has said 'Never gain' and now punches way above its weight.

Violence on the beaches of Normandy and the Pacific lead to the end of two evil empires, as did a pair of nuclear weapons.

Can anyone say this violence did not produce a tangible result? or a result that was necessary, justified and good?



Now moving back to yesterdays topic of assasination- violence against the leaders of a government.

Its quite important to realise I am discussing this in a GENERAL manner. For many years I have often stated that I find it remarkable that NOBODY in New Zealands history has gotten fired up enough to try and kill a political figure (that we know about)

When you consider the level and amount of force and compulsion that has been directed at US- it it so bizzare to think that WE may want to direct a bit of force back their way? I'm not saying I encourage it, but I can understand why somebody would start taking pot-shots from a grassy knoll!

And on the world stage, who has been behind the bulk of the killing of their own people.

Socialist governments.

And if the UN ever got the power thay seek, I have no doubt that they would be the worst of them all- all in the name of saving us from ourselves.

Their firearms control agenda say much as to where they want to go...

Get out of my frickin' town you Viking Bastards!

More of the good stuff used in Meddlers in Time!- the 60 mm Mortar.

Assassination in New Zealand

I suppose it must happen someday, although I don't see it taking off as a trend in the near future.

Not given the predominance of apathetic bloody New Zealanders who only rise up in the streets over who is playing rugby with whom.

Mind you, when the more traditional political means are subverted- refferendums ignored, the main parties taking on a certain sameness and the more unelected officials take over this country, there is a future in assassination as a means towards meaningful change.

When politicians sneer at the overwhelming wishes of the voters, while they push their own warped agendas, they can hardly be suprised that they make somebody's 'Better Dead" list.

But why single one out- a good start might be shooting everyone who has expressed a desire to run for Prime Minister.

The job really needs to go to somebody who doesn't want it!

On the lighter side

Well- what else whould you expect from the Prince of Darkness?

There ain't no such thing as too much firepower

Taking care of uppity natives in the ninth century!

Manly Machinery- the M113

More Manly Machinery

The video does not do it justice. Being on site actually watching this is WAY more impressive!

Coming to a US site you visit

Click for Nehemiah Scudder's latest assault on the free world.

Hat Tip: Day by Day

Update:

The Prophet's Thought Police on the loose:

It ain't America no more

If it ain't on the agenda- tough shit.

"More than two-thirds of people want the alcohol purchase age returned to 20, including half of young respondents, a survey of Press readers shows..."

What you WANT is only what you GET when your political MASTERS happen to desire that outcome for themselves.

If you believe the wishes of a majority- regardless of how large a majority- will be respected- you are delusional and boy do I have a great deal going for you!- just sent the money- cash, not cheques to...

FFS- get out of the two-horse mentality and back some of the others in the field. The two favorites aren't fit for dog tucker!

UPDATE:
They don't believe in those picking up the tab having a say here either!

Manly Machinery from Medders in Time- one of a series

There is a video here for those interested in such manly pastimes as reducing native forests to carbon dioxide.

It should work on greenies too- well- one could try!

BUUUUUURP!

I have just returned from luck at Featherton's latest cafe, Sass.

Those familiar with featherston will recognise this as the latest incarnation of Lady Featherston/Rapa Cafe.

The old owners have gone- it was a family affair since opening- but the good food remains.

The menu has been simplified, the clutter removed but the family room and kids play area out back remains.

I had the BIG breakfast - as you do. Bacon, sausages, black pudding, mushrooms, tomatoes, fried potatoes toast and two eggs for $18.50. (in deference to the Aitkins diet, I gave the spud away!)

Service was prompt and friendly and the coffee to my liking- strong!

If they continue as they have started, they will do well.

I will be back!

In the dogbox

I can't see what the fuss over putting convicted criminals into shipping containers is!

Hell, I used to live in worse during my time in the army. It was a common joke of the time that our barracks would be considered unfit for theives, rapists and murderers. For large parts of the year we worked and lived under canvas. A shipping container with a bed would have been way better than senior officers got!

Our criminal classes AND their lovers should consider themselves VERY lucky not to be living in tents on the Auckland islands!

If I had my way...

Dead Kennedys

Best kind!

Fuck you, New Zealand!

I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT 88% OF YOU THINK!

It's enough to make you vote Libertarianz!

(I hope!)

Country stuff

For Busted Blonde

SOUTH Wairarapa is cow country, by the way...

Well done Wairarapa

Final Result by Electorate for the Citizens Initiated Referendum 2009 on the question
"Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand?"
25 August 2009

Wairarapa results:

62.65% Turnout

90.79%- NO

8.6%- Yes

Roll on the summer

With my second laptop now working, I can now move out of the lounge- once the rest of the house warms up. Hopefully the wireless network will operate out in the garage.

Away from the goddamned noisy-box and the gibbering classes that worship it!

Encourgaed by favourable comments on my first book, I want to get on with writing the next one down- I have about 1/3 typed up, another third in my head and the story outline of the rest in a couple of exercise books.

The next one is the back story on the first (actually two books rolled into one) and as happens in time travel- is set in the 35th century. This one is space opera in the finest traditions of the old masters!

It was to be called 'Catspaw', but on doing a little research I found that this was used as the name of an old Star Trek episode!- so it's now 'Meddlers in Time- Catspaw'

This follows the adventures of the lead characters of Meddlers in Time through the 35th century, as they infiltrate the ranks of an intersteller empire to carry out a deep cover secret mission.

My mission is to redefine space combat in a novel!

You heard it first here!

Meddlers in Time

Hit 125 first chapter downloads at last count!

We have to hit 549 to get first place in the Science Fiction section- it took them 18 months to get that many hits and we have gotten to 125 in nine days totally blitzing the rest of the competition!

Now we need comments. You will have to log onto the site, which I know is a bloody inconvenience, but I will greatly appreciate you taking the time to do so and just leave a one- liner!

Ebooks are the way of the future, even if you are like me and prefer paper- they will be the media of the next decade. This is one way for the owner of a small apartment- or the traveller- to have a library when they have no space.

Then there is the greenie aspect-- not that this was a consideration for me. Save a frickin' tree!

UPDATE:

Come on- 250-300 clicks a day here- I only have 131 on the book website!

Download the friggin' free chapter!

You don't need a friggin' credit card for that!

And if you are too broken-arsed or just plain don't want a credit card- drop me a line and we can trade for a copy of the book!

UPDATE 2:

There are about 630 books available on this site.

Meddlers in Time is now #2 in the Science fiction section and #18 overall!

Thats in twelve days.

Thanks again to all those who have brought one, downloaded the teaser or posted a comment!

I can rant on and on about the story (I will!), but the best publicity comes from the favorable report of others!

I bet there are a lot of folks out there now wishing they had been nicer to Peter Jackson in his early days!

;-)

What an opportunity lost for the Nats

With an 88% backing, a great opportunity was lost to score some serious points.

You stand up in public and state "Now that you have spoken, we understand the true extent of your feelings on this isssue and we will move to repeal this law immediatly."

But no, you screwed the pooch YET again...

TANSTAAFL

"...ACT leader Rodney Hide had threatened to quit as Local Government Minister if seats had been reserved for Maori.

The move will leave the Maori Party disappointed as they had lobbied hard for some form of elected Maori representation on the council..."

Here is an idea right out of the box.

Get yourself elected. Democracy 101

Convince others to vote for you by deeds and action.

Dead easy. Or not...

Cue Nelson Muntz voice

Hat Tip: Something should go here, maybe later

We don't trust YOU or your apparatus

"Prime Minister John Key told the Sunday Star-Times in Sydney yesterday he was planning to introduce "increased safeguards" to prevent parents who gave their children "minor" or "inconsequential" smacks from being either investigated or prosecuted..."

NO- not good enough. Change the law.

Why?

We don't trust politicians- we don't trust government agencies and we don't trust the legal system. (note I don't refer to it as the Justice sysytem- it ain't)

It's far to easy to suddenly shift 'discretionary' guidelines. Like with our idiotic speed limit tax gathering rort.

and as for this:

"Deborah Morris-Travers, spokeswoman for the "Yes Vote" coalition, said photographs in newspapers yesterday of no-supporters celebrating were offensive."

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!

Working bees and moving big stuff

I was at a club working bee yesterday. One task was to move some VERY heavy power poles to an area where we couldn't get a vehicle into.

I came up with the idea of using some fenceposts as rollers and we used a sling around the pole to drag it by hand. It only took two of us to drag one of these poles- the chap that supplied them said they were about 500kg each.

Quite amazing how easy it was to move them across country!

Another no news bit of news

"Movie mogul Peter Jackson says he is driven by fears that one of his mega-productions will be a flop..."

You will never get to the level Peter Jackson is with a 'she'll be right' attitude.

You HAVE to be driven and strive to get everything within your control just right- or you are just another wanker turning out art-house crap and living on grants. Or in NZ television.

We need more of this.

People who strive to get it right ALL the time- in whatever they do.

Just friggin' do it!

A goverment is elected in with a mandate to carry out actions previously stated in their mainfesto.

If they need clarification on an issue- a referendum is or should be called for.

The referendum sends a clear message- repeal a badly thought out and unpopular law.

So just figggin' do it!

You don't have to like it- just suck it up and repeal it. You asked- you were told VERY CLEARLY.

The mood out there that I hear is not unlike that before the last election. Lifelong party supporters are on the brink of going elsewhere. Last time it was from labour to national.

This time it is from national to act.

You have been warned...

Sod off Noddy!

The results are in with a resounding NO!

87.6% of 1,622,150 say that a SMACK should not be illegal as a part of parental discipline.

No suprises there.

Now watch the spin...

Silly first name syndrome

"Police have named a three-year-old girl who died after being found injured at a Palmerston North house on Wednesday.

She was Kash McKinnon..."

Silly first name syndrome strikes again, as no doubt Whaleoil will be pointing out.

He is not the only one who had noticed this phenomenon...

Update:

Murder.

Again...

This prick needs his guts stomped out

"The man who twice shone a green laser into the cockpit of a plane as it approached Wellington Airport has been sentenced to 200 hours' community work for causing unnecessary danger to the flight.

Helpdesk worker Vladimir Maricic, 25, was sentenced in Wellington District Court today..."

I had to go and buy one of these lasers before they get 'taken of the market' AKA banned.

I was playing around with lasers when the rest of the world thought they were still science fiction. Never got the inclination to shine one at any type of vehicle, having had one hit me in the eyes (the whole world turned red)

I would have sentenced that fucker to a thousand hours of scrubbing aircraft crappers . And another thousand washing aircrews underwear by hand to appreciate the effect the laser has.

Gun Maintenance tips

Never take a fricking Winchester model 1892 bastard clone completely apart, unless you like those sort of feckin' mechanical puzzles!

Especially don't do it when you have a dud hand and dodgy eyesight!

And it's a really bad idea after using whiskey for cough medicine...

A new venture

I have devised a new fertility treatment plan.

It was quite easy, really. I simply had to study the lifestyle of our most prolific breeders.

So forget IVF, vitamins and all that nonsense- here is my ten-point plan:

1. Quit work- too much stress.
2. Start smoking and drinking heavily- a few drugs won't hurt, either.
3. Wear larger clothing- the Warehouse have tracksuits in marque sizes.
4. The three food groups- Fish & Chips, McD's and KFC.
5. Men-increase testosterone by reeneacting the 'Cook the eggs' scene from 'Once were Warriors'
6. Women- improve your chances- make yourself available.
7. Exercise- move the beer fridge into the garage.
8. Vitamin P- your doctor will know what you mean.
9. Eliminate rational thought.
10. Learn not to care about anything- More Vitamin P will help!

Hell, it really seems to work!

Progress

Another two downloads and I break the 100 barrier!

Only a week and Meddlers in Time is the #2 Science fiction listing!

Thanks to everyone that has downloaded the free chapter- and especially to those who brought a copy!

Only 10 more to go at that price- but it's still dirt cheap!

Now I need a few comments posted here!

One of life's funny coincidences

Why is it that when I soak up a few glasses of good Aussie red (after a lengthy period of abstinence) to celebrate an event- that the next day I get stuck on one of those jobs that involves having to bash large metal pipes with a big hammer?

If I knew the answer to this, I would have a far better understanding of the universe...

So the Crown is barking mad too!

"The Crown has confirmed it will not appeal the sentences of five people over a makutu or curse-lifting ceremony in Wainuiomata in 2007..."

Profanity is all too weak...

Correct.

Get your tounge out of Liarbours arse

"...Adding to Labour's woes, the far-right British National Party won its first seat in the European Parliament..."

Oh, fuck off!- the BNP far right!

They would have been the labour party 40 years ago.

Which is to say slightly to the right of the NZ NAtional party today.

Apart from the fact that they don't like IMPORTED darkies!

-WHO DOES!

Feedback

So- my dear readers...

Do you want to be flung out of the number seven airlock?

or tell me how good my poetry is.








I'm going to put a hyperspace bypass through this fucking rock after the next book anyway, but it's your filthy lungs...



What is this all about?

You can EARN a copy of Meddlers in Time by doing me a review on your prominant website.

Or shamelessly link-whoring me on a prominant website anywhere if you ain't in the top 100 NZ blogs!

No- I don't think so

Buy your own frickin' boat!

As for John 'I'm really getting the hang of spending other chumps money' Key- Message reads:



Tonga is NOT New Zealand- so don't spend the NZ taxpayers friggin' money there!

Let them sort their own shit out.

You bastard.

Ends.

The begging bowl is out

OK- this is how it works. Publishers go looking through this site for promising material- so, to be noticed I need downloads!

But don't panic- just downloading the FREE chapter counts and gets me noticed.

SO do me a BIG favour and download the freebee here.

No Paypal, no credit cards!

Come on- I get 250 odd hits on this site each day. If all of you click the free download ONCE you will make a huge impact!

Update:
Well done! 63 downloads of the free chapter and four sales- a most promising start.

Please drop in and click if you haven't done so already and you will have my gratitude!

I need more!

I am insatiable!

Please Sir- can I have some more!

Sunday puzzle

Now the question is:

Why did this picture (Hat Tip- Theo Spark) appeal to me right now?

Update:
Looks like they shot the rabid chimp.

Battery hens

I actually pity these people.

The opportunity of a lifetime and they don't know what to do with it.

Thet remind me of battery hens released into a real chook run, cowering in a corner- scared of the big sky!

Experts- what do they know?

A very timely link for me to find!

Bloody skate parks- AKA shit magnets

The ratepayer funded fiasco has been open for a week now.

On my way past this morning, it looked like somebody had thrown a stick of powergel into a wastetaker. Hardly suprising as every feral bastard yoof in town was 'hanging out' there on Friday night.

I have been told that the council's contractors have been down there cleaning up every morning so far and yes- there is a large rubbish bin provided. Knowing a bit about such matters, this will be over and above the maintenance contract. I would guess that the minimum time to get a man on site, clean up and return to his depot to dump the rubbish would be one hour. More if there is broken glass, spew or other biohazards to clean up.

The chargeout rate is around the $33 dollar/hour mark for a labourer with ute.

This equates to an extra $12,000 per annum minimum on the poor bloody taxpayers just for the rubbish removal.

Fence the damned thing if we must have it and sell tickets- make it pay.

And the bloody do-gooders that wanted it can man the gates and de-puke it!

Friggin' unbelievable!

"The five siblings from a Wainuiomata family found guilty of the manslaughter of their niece, who they believed was cursed by a makutu, have escaped prison terms..."

Friggin' unbelievable!

They TORTURED sombody to death and get community service!- but that s OK because there are conditions- "...conditions of which include taking a tikanga Maori or other suitable cultural programme..."

The only conditions that need to be sorted are their mental conditions- these fuckers are all barking mad!

I'm now waiting for the news that the coroner recommends the banning of concrete garden ornaments in the shape of Lions...

Update:

I should have mentioned that I also consider the Judge to be barking mad. But you probably ame to that conclusion having read what i had already written...

Darwin scores one and a near miss

One cretin probably toast

This one should be. Rescued twice now...

The way of the future

An unsolicited plug for Bookhabit- a NZ website.

Brought a novel lately? They ain't cheap, even second-hand.

It's not like the days of my youth, when I would go into town on a Friday and come home with a bag full of books.

I still have many of them- I admit to just plain having a thing for paper copy- I prefer reading from real books.

But along the way I brought a lot of lemons.

Now there are ebooks- for only a couple of dollars through PayPal, I can try more new material than otherwise.

Hell, the US $2.50 would hardly pay for the petrol to get to a library!

And there is the matter of Bookhabit giving wannabes like myself a chance!- Which is very much appreciated. I can decide if it is worth paying (about a grand) to get a professional print run done.

Think of buying a download as a tip for the years of entertainment here ;-)

Sleeping with Spongebob

"Even without the survey, I can tell you that the ship was not in good condition," he said.

The ferry was missing marks which showed how low in the water a ship could ride, and not having them breached international maritime conventions..."

OK, I don't know a lot about marine surveys, but a plimsoll line is a real basic. It has been around for a long time.

No doubt they will be after NZ and Aussie money to buy themselves a new one- to which I say- relearn the art of paddling.

Your corrupt and useless rulers couldn't run a bloody jumble sale.

No Taxpayers were harmed

Absolutely no taxpayers money went into my book. (nor anybody other than myself, for that matter)

No grants private or public were recieved or applied for.

Actually, I was quite pissed that taxpayer funds could be used for this purpose!

I will sink or swim on my own, thank you!

(probably the former)

Coming to a theatre near you

THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP

is specifically designed

to be implanted in the forehead of Islamic terrorists.

When properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak direct to their God.

It comes in various sizes:

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled British technician to the following exacting standard.
The implant may or may not be painless.
Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.
With best regards,

Royal Marine Commandos

They will regret this

"Smooth, tight and free-flowing, like the sport it is designed to accommodate, Featherston's $150,000 skatepark was quietly finished on Saturday..."

Just what the town needed- a shit magnet.

Some of us have been dead against this waste of ratepayers money, of course the pro movement have done the usual of accusing us of negativity and being 'down on the kids'

Time will tell but history provides a good indication of things to come.

History tells me that they might as well have a permanent car park for police and ambulance outside and that those who sweep the street will be there daily to sweep up the broken glass. It is convienently near the medical center- which is busy enough without the extra trade this will bring.

Somehow my generation managed to amuse ourselves without ratepayer funded abrasion pits like this...

Well, that's done

Following the words of The Master- time to get cracking with the next on- now that I have gotten over the hardest- rule four! (submit the frickin' thing!)

I have about 60k words down, plus a couple of exercise books full of notes, so I'm well on the way.

All I need is time...

Published!

After 5 years of editing, chopping and changing, reformatting, combining two books into one, recycling as firelighters and a heap of procrastinaton:


Meddlers in Time is available as an e-book here for the princely sum of US$2.50

(A dead-tree version in in the pipeline)

Those damned pigeons again!

I'm calling the exterminator on this flock!

Raising funds (after deducting a hefty proportion for expenses) for 'shoes, raincoats and food to students' who SHOULD be having these paid for by the feckless genetic propogators that spawned them. Most of whom are 'raising' their meal/ticket children at OUR expense.

They will be thinking 'more money for the booze/fags/pokies/TAB/Lotto/ KFC. I know for a FACT that this is how deadbeats react to the news of yet another givaway.

But you might say- no- they would never have thought to provide these basics in the first instance.

I'm thinking that there will be a glut of new kids shoes and jackets on trademe in the near future. If the deadbeats aren't capable of the intricacies of on-line trading, some other opportunist middle-man will be.

Fags for jackets, anyone?

I'm probably preachin to the choir here, but keep your money in your pocket and DON'T FEED THE PIGEONS!

We all know what pigeons do when you feed them!

Breed more pigeons to fly about crapping on you and your own...

Update:
There are a few others playing the same tune!