Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A new venture

I have devised a new fertility treatment plan.

It was quite easy, really. I simply had to study the lifestyle of our most prolific breeders.

So forget IVF, vitamins and all that nonsense- here is my ten-point plan:

  1. Quit work- too much stress.
  2. Start smoking and drinking heavily- a few drugs won't hurt, either.
  3. Wear larger clothing- the Warehouse have tracksuits in marque sizes.
  4. The three food groups- Fish & Chips, McD's and KFC.
  5. Men-increase testosterone by reeneacting the 'Cook the eggs' scene from 'Once were Warriors'
  6. Women- improve your chances- make yourself available.
  7. Exercise- move the beer fridge into the garage.
  8. Vitamin P- your doctor will know what you mean.
  9. Eliminate rational thought.
  10. Learn not to care about anything- More Vitamin P will help!
Hell, it really seems to work!