Fast food disapointments- BK Paraparaumu

Usually Burger King are reliable- the burgers are the best mass-produced fast food out there- and in this case they were of the usual acceptable standard for factory fodder.

HOWEVER- the Paraparaumu BK itself proved to be a poorly run example of why we have Council lackeys inspecting such places (without any effect, of course)

This place had low standards, which they failed to achieve. The floor looked like they were experimenting with using soft drink residue to increase traction and reduce slip hazards. It reminded me of the Trentham Camp Baggies Bar, where years of coagulated beer prevented one slipping over when wearing Nomads and one walked with a squelching sound.

Normally a BK is sparking and a model of cleanliness. This one was grimy- the buildup of filth on the window frames gave evidence that this was an on-going problem. The aged piece of lettuce on the back of my seat had obviously been there for some time, going by it's advance state of decomposition. (it was grey)

We arrived at noon. During the extended wait while they stuffed up a simple order, a slattern arrived to clear the tables of debris and spread the bacteria evenly with a sponge that had not been recently acquainted with hot water or disinfectants.

The children's play area had been overrun with feral kiddies who gave indications of having passed puberty, even if they had never hit the median score on an IQ test.

The soft drink station was awash with spilled crud and scattered straws. An endless precession of the mindless continued to fill assorted containers- non purchased on the premises with the sugared stimulant of choice. The staff seemed oblivious to this.

As is not uncommon, I had to badger the minimum wage workers for the remainder of our order that they had previously agreed to deliver [insert Tui ad here]

Now all the other BK's I have patronized have been good- clean and efficient and this is not to say I recommend avoiding them- just that hole of pestilence at Paraparaumu!

I ain't dead!

It was somebody else (about 150 meters away) that pushed the 'disconnect' button. Or more correctly- trigger.

Finding the unexpected

Practical information- from a government agency!

I'm looking at a cookbook called 'The Great little Cookbook'- this is a collaboration by WINZ and a Health board.

I have always advocated the Edmonds Cookbook for those domestically challenged and broke- this book takes it further, with info on how to budget, plan shopping lists and menus as well as how to cook basic foods (non-packaged or pre-prepared stuff)

Well done- information both practical and useful.

No mercy should be shown

or- Why I support the death penalty

Latest Polls

What's the difference?

Some would have you believe there is no real difference between Nation and Labour.

There is- it's the difference between attacked by sand flies or vampire bats.

(or possibly the difference between being drag-hanged or beheaded.)

The choice is easy, but that doesn't mean you particularly like either option!

Home Alone

It's one of those rare nights where I'm the only one at home, as everyone has buggered off camping.

I'm on-call so can't leave the area.

Camping makes less and less sense these days. When I lived in a crappy flat, camping was a reasonable summer option.

Now that I have a much more comfortable house, with three fridges, air conditioning, dishwasher and all the other comforts of modern living- I can't see the appeal in sleeping in a tent!

No big comfy chairs, no warm towels and having to share showers and dunny with commoners! No doors to keep the kids out!

Forget it!

It would be so much nicer if I could actually have a drink of some kind, but the industrial strength antibiotics I'm on rule that out! Apparently this medication has the same effect as Disulfuram and I ain't going to go there!

But its working, so another week without drink is a small price to pay!

Ninnies, Nannies and Numptys

Banging on about carbon friggin' footprints on TV!

The one where a sanctimonious old slapper takes families for task for daring to consume stuff particularly pisses me off. The other day she was wanking on about the evils of heated towel rails and heated mirrors. Well- I happen to like a warm, dry towel in a warm dry bathroom and don't give a monkey's if it DOES use $100 worth of electricity a YEAR.

I wonder what the inside of HER house is like? No doubt full of all the modern conveniences.

I bet she is like the local council piece of vileness that goes about nitpicking or inventing problems will all the contractors work. Her own property looks like something out of Steptoe & Son!

All these little niceties are what makes life that much easier and enjoyable. As a kid, I lived the hair-shirt lifestyle with minimal heating, damp all winter and a bath every week whether or not you needed it- like most of NZ in the sixties. I sure as hell ain't going back to one two-bar heater for a whole house!

I'm glad nobody speaks of carbon footprints in the real world. They might just receive one of my footprints and like my carbon one- it is a big one!

meanwhile- back in the world of the consequence-free enviroment...

Judith Collins MP
National Party Welfare Spokeswoman

19 February 2008

WINZ pays for drunk-drivers to get cars back

Social Development Minister Ruth Dyson needs to explain why she is allowing Work and Income to pay for beneficiaries who have been caught drunk-driving and who have committed other driving offences to have their vehicles handed back to them, says National's Welfare spokeswoman, Judith Collins.

"This practice is rife and has been confirmed by towing companies up and down the country.

"It is outrageous that taxpayer money is being used to basically subvert a legal process to allow people who have committed driving offences to basically get off scott-free.

"Ruth Dyson, when alerted to the fact this was going on last year, told Parliament that before Work and Income would consider whether to pay a beneficiary's parking fine or car towage fees, it would consider whether the applicant had contributed to their situation.

"She further told Parliament that it would be 'unusual for assistance of this type to be provided'.

"We now know that rather than being 'unusual', it is very common for Work and Income to direct-credit tow truck firms to pay outstanding towage and storage costs for beneficiaries whose cars have been impounded because they've been caught drunk-driving or have had their licences stripped from them for other driving offences.

"Rather than considering who is at fault in this situation, Work and Income is paying out taxpayer money to enable people who have unregistered and unsafe cars to get those vehicles back.

"Towing companies are fed up and say they're going public because most New Zealanders would share their alarm.

"Unfortunately, the Minister continues to show how out of touch she is with the pulse of the nation, preferring to turn a blind eye to this unacceptable practice."

Hat tip: The Briefing Room

Whats actually happening here...

I have been getting a few emails wondering what I'm up to - I just caught up with the hotmail box that I hadn't visited for about a month.

On 26th December I came down with persistant diarrhea that refuses to go away. This has the local doctors baffled and I am impatiently awaiting a specialist's appointment next week.

This has hit me pretty hard, as my blood sugar has gone high- previously I was diet-controlled. I have gotten dehydrated quite badly a couple of times (as in falling down or flaking out for a couple of hours) and have lost about 25kg so far.

I'm still working as there aren't a whole lot of other options for me. I just have to carry a couple of changes of clothes with me. Shitting your pants 3 times a day and fouling the bed at night on a regular basis does seem to induce a certain lowness of spirits...

By playing around with diet, I have gotten the diarrhea minimized (mostly- now down to about 5BM's a day instead of 20+) by going gluten-free, eating very little meat and cutting out all caffeine, alcohol and diet soft drinks- as well as cutting back on all dairy, fruits and sugar! I'm not a fun person to take out for a meal, but my blood sugar is now normal and I don't have to sleep on a waterproof babies blanket and a towel now!

As a result of all of this, I'm absolutely knackered and spend much of my time off sleeping.

I have had worse and no doubt will be back to 'normal' one of these days. On the plus side- I haven't been this size for near 20 years!

A day late, but...

I was going to send this, but wussed out and opted for chocolates and fizzy wine.

Affordable Housing- for whom?

Affordable Housing- read highly subsidized by (guess who) housing!

I can see it now- first a cheap and easy design will be found.

The greenies won't like them- so:

Add:
Eco-friendly building materials
Super insulation
Solar water heating
low energy appliances
double glazing
heat pumps
Etc, etc.

Iwi will get a say and decide they are to small to accommodate all the cuzzies at once. They will have to be bigger.

The mother hen brigade will demand monitored smoke alarms, sprinkler systems, shatter-proof glass, fire escapes, wheelchair access, medical alert systems, childproof fencing and flameproof curtains.

Then a new department of political officers will need to be hired, to monitor the evil capitalist contractors who will do the actual work.

See if they don't!

Stick to caravan parks.

"Three trampers have reached safety after walking out of the Arthurs Pass National Park and have lashed authorities who refused a helicopter access to the park to rescue them..."

Go better prepared, you pussies. You can't rely on a chopper there as the weather can be extreme. That's why you should be carrying extra rations. So you can wait it out when the weather turns to crap- as it does.

Everyone expects to phone up and be 'rescued' these days.

Wasn't Barkers Hut up to the expected 4-star standard? Back in the 80's it was a fetid little hovel, but a welcome one when the wind and snow was doing it's thing.

Trampers ain't what they used to be!

Inevitability

The time has come- the Walrus said
To talk of flaming rings
of hemorrhoids and fissures
of suppositories and and creams
and if my arse is boiling hot
and how the fucker stings!

Grow a pair- or die!

You were lucky this time. Sounds like the pilots did a great job.

But you passengers need to fight harder- you are fighting for your lives here!

This is something everyone who gets on a plane needs to think about. Be prepared to give it everything and STOMP THE FUCKER'S GUTS OUT!

That POS should have gone of the plane in a body bag.

Grab an arm from each side. Use your teeth and try to bite right through the arm. While they are held anyone else that can get into the fight pound her to pudding. When she looks like five tonnes of quivering, bloody sushi on the deck of a whaler- you are getting there!

It's YOUR lives- and remember- right then, those of the crew are far more important than yours.

'Liar, Liar...'

Ain't it a miracle!

We have gone from not being able to afford to have tax cuts to 'now we can'!

All it takes it doing the maths.


And figuring out that you are way behind in the polls...

Unbelievable Dumbfuckery!

Yesterday morning I was stopped at a Featherston rail crossing, as the lights and bells were going. I glanced down the tracks to see a train at the station and in doing so, I saw a 2-3 year-old child walking down the tracks!

I got on the horn and gave a long blast, then unlocked my belt to get out and make a run for the kid. Before I opened the door, I saw an 'adult' who was in my blind spot, walking just ahead of the child. They then wandered off the tracks to stand in the middle of the road and talk to someone in a car waiting on the other side.

You just have to wonder how some moron rock-apes manage to remember to keep breathing...

Teachers not up to scratch

So sayeth one of their own

"...School heads rated 73 per cent of short-listed applicants in November and December as "very poor" or "poor", the Auckland Primary Principals' Association staffing survey found.

Almost half the applicants were beginning teachers - meaning they had less than two years' experience and needed mentoring - and a third were applying from overseas..."

So they are saying that graduate teachers- taught by other teachers- are no good.

Guess what- employers have been saying that about the majority of school leavers for years! You were in denial about pushing semi-literate simians out into the workplace- now the chickens have come home to roost!

My experience with one student teacher is training has been less than positive. We have had one doing temp work over the holidays and she was lazy, unwilling to learn or get her hands dirty in any way- along with being as dumb as mud.

We have blokes working for us that are totally illiterate but they can follow instructions !

Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial

Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial

BREVARD, Jan. 19, 2008 - Retired Army Green Beret James T. (Smokey) Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling pretty good about it.

Taylor, at age 79, is one of the oldest members of Chapter XXXIII (The Larry Thorne Chapter) of the Special Forces Association.He was placed on trial by fellow Chapter XXXIII members under the charge of "failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber" in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville , TN , in November.

The court martial, of course, was very much tongue in cheek. The event itself was deadly serious.

Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of November 5, 2007,when an intruder broke into his home. He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.

"It was just after Halloween, on Monday morning at 4:30," Taylor said. I heard this commotion at the door and grabbed my fishing gun, a little .22 revolver, to see what was going on. I got to the front door and this fellow had ripped my security door out of its frame. He said, 'you're going to have to kill me. I'm coming in.'"

When a warning to leave went unheeded, Taylor brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes.

"I was about four feet away from him when I shot," Taylor said. "Looking back now, I'm glad he didn't die, but that boy had the hardest head I've ever seen. The bullet bounced right off."

The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the house then got up and ran down the street. Taylor dialed 911 and Knoxville police apprehended the wounded man about 200 yards away, hiding in a hedgerow.

Complicating the case, as well as the court martial, the offender was released on bail but failed to appear for his court date. Knoxville police said the man was homeless. They did not know his whereabouts or why he had been given bail.

The charges brought against Taylor by his fellow Green Berets were considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and Vietnam .

"Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial," said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long of Asheville , NC.

The trial was held at the Hampton Inn in Brevard, part of the group's regularly scheduled quarterly meeting. Long appointed a judge, Bert Bates, a defense counsel, Jim Hash, and a prosecutor, Charlie Ponds. All are retired Special Forces non-commissioned officers with extensive combat and weapons experience.

Ponds outlined the case against Taylor , emphasizing that the citizens of Knox County were going to be burdened with significant costs to again apprehend, and then prosecute and defend the would-be burglar.

"Proper choice of a larger caliber gun would have spared the citizens this financial burden," Ponds said, "while removing one bad guy from the streets for good. He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't big enough to get the job done. Hash disagreed. He said Taylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a 22.

"If he'd used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp, the wall, the neighbor's wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed. I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man."

Hash then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp's forehead. "He was victimized by old ammunition," he said, "just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam , when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II."

Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. The jury, consisting of all the members of the Chapter, discussed the merits of choosing a larger caliber weapon as well as the obvious benefits to society of permanently deleting the intruder so he would never again threaten any private citizen.

The other side of the coin, that of accidentally causing injury to a completely innocent citizen if a more powerful gun had been used, also gained considerable support.

Following testimony from both sides, Judge Bates determined the charges should be dismissed. The decision was met with a round of applause. In fact, there was strong sentiment expressed that Taylor should receive an award for not only choosing wisely in picking up the 22, but for the accuracy of his aim under difficult and dangerous conditions.

After the trial Taylor said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out the door. "I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead," Taylor said. "It was good for both of us that it didn't."

Meanwhile, back in Knox County , the word is out: Don't go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

Tribune Editor Bill Fishburne is a member of the Larry Thorne Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association.

On the way out...

Please leave the state in the toilet in which you would wish to find it.

Carbon footprint bollocks!

Greytown gets a new ambulance.

Just another local interest story until I read this bit:

"We specifically got the smaller 2.2 litre engine because we are mindful of our carbon footprint."

What a load of old arse!

This is an ambulance- they are big heavy vehicles and need to go fast- not just go fast but accelerate briskly. That's how you get past retards who won't pull over for the lights & siren!

They need a big-arsed 6-litre turbo diesel engine- not something taken from a golf cart!


Carbon friggin' footprint indeed!

Advertisment

I want to set up a new communications consultancy.

I am willing to attack other blogs & bloggers for money.

Anyone want to offer me some?




Because due to work and family, I don't get to do half the shit-stirring I would like!

Snapped!

Look who The Standard (an oxymoron if ever I heard one) are in bed with!

Not that it's a great surprise!

Now watch the bullshit fly!

The stuff kids come out with!

Image from Brain Stab

A while back we were at the park, when my five year-old raced off into the cemetery next door and started running about yelling and hitting headstones.

I called him back to have a wee talk about carrying on in cemeteries. When asked what he was doing he explained " I'm trying to wake up the Zombies!"

Maybe he would have had more luck at the nearby bowls club!

Blogging light for a bit

I'm having a few health problems lately, so I will post when I can.

This blog is not forgotten!

A reply to the UN

Dear Busy-Bodies,

Don't you have some funds to embezzle?

Or your own third world shitholes to continue buggering up?

Fuck off- you ain't welcome here.

My- thats a big one!

.375 H&H magnum

I got to fire one today, through a very nice Steyr-Mannlicher

It was an older model than the ones on their website, but still a superior piece. So well made that it felt like firing a 30-06!

So now I've been there, done that AND fired the Elephant gun!

(Not nearly as punishing as shooting slugs through my 12g coach gun)

Yeah, Right...

Robber pleads the 'Just Kidding' defense.

I can assure shit-for-brains that the prison sentence will be for real.

As real as it gets in NZ, anyway...

In Denial

I didn't vote for them!

Well I didn't vote for them, either!

Sympathy is for victims

Not for the dumbarse that brought the misery on himself.

He may have been a 'good boy' who is now all broken over killing one young girl and maiming another. That's tough- he is still alive.

He will still (probably) be alive when he gets out after a token prison sentence.

He will be alive to get over it.

If he is miserable and repentant now- that is how it should be!


Apparently- "He's too scared to have fun."

'Fun' being scaring people by hooning about on a motorbike?

And-"He's a thoughtful, caring kid, and he's always thinking about other people."

Not on that night he wasn't! Remembering that he had been told to slow down several times already.

Then- "...Nikita, who started riding motorbikes on the family farm at the age of 10 and has been a competitive motocross rider for almost two years..."

So he's not a first-time rider and inexperience is not a factor. That paints a much grimmer picture...

A good start

"...A Gisborne judge made an example of a tagger yesterday when he jailed him for 42 days..."

Good show! Of course the prick should have received a good flogging and a day in the stocks as well!

The charge is 'Willful Damage' which accurately describes the act. When these arseholes are caught they need to receive a little willful damage themselves!

Tar & feathers is another punishment that comes to mind...

A breath of fresh air!

For months all I have heard are tales of gloom.

A couple of days ago I was rum-inspired to email an old friend I haven't talked to for a some years.


She has had two babies, her business and her husbands are booming and all is good. I will be catching up with them- for the first time in ten years- in a couple of months. I'm really looking forward to meeting up with people doing well! So many are divorcing, in recovery, or generally hating the life, the Universe and everything.

Some might think I'm like that, but it's not true. What I hate is the way the world is GOING!

It was so great to hear from a couple doing well and enjoying life!

Despite all that the powers that be do to make it otherwise...

History

Happy, shiny people?

"...The number of people receiving the sickness benefit due to depression has more than doubled in the past five years..."

What depresses the crap out of me is the amount of income tax I'm paying!

It's not just being on the dole thats depressing!

Voluntary taxation

Not quite, but here is somebody who has asked for voluntary payment for his services.

Some tell us that people won't pay for anything unless forced (usually by das state)

Read Chris Muir's story and see the opposite happen!

We're goning on a Moa hunt...

An Australian is adamant the moa is alive and well in remote North Island bush and aims to prove it with photographic evidence next month.

Nothing like that overwhelming optimism that totally ignores the facts in front of your face!

Still- I'd like to see him find one. (I want to know what they taste like!)

"...Gilroy, a cryptozoologist (studies hidden animals), says he discovered 35 separate ground prints on a previous visit in 2001 which suggested a colony of up to 15 birds..."
A cryptologist is a critter that I didn't know existed!

He may have this right, though:

"...He's also convinced about the existence of the yowie – in his words: "a homo erectus – a tool making, fire making hominid."

I'm seeing quite a few of them over the holiday period. Usually seen dragging their knuckles on the pavements outside the shops or on the front doorstep of their squalid huts, drinking beer...

Give the bastard nothing!

MORE money to be wasted on worthless criminals!

He can get stuffed!- Try living with the consequences of being a thieving arsehole

"...ACC has agreed to pay for a serial burglar to have a new left ear constructed in a rare and complex series of operations after his was bitten off by a police dog.

The surgery is estimated to cost around $20,000 and Casey Voges, 29, is planning legal action to force authorities to let him have the procedure in prison..."

The fucktard needs *THIEF* branded on his forehead in very large type!

Not taxpayer funded cosmetic surgery!

AND he should be billed for the cost of a large steak for the police dog- so the dog can get the taste of scumbag out of his mouth!

On the subject of dumbfuck crims...

DOH!

Fox hunting!

Hat tip: Cowboy Blob

Blog Rankings

A round of applause for Tim of Tumeke!

A lot of work has gone into this ranking of NZ blogs. While any method will draw it's criticisms (blogs with multiple authors, defunct blogs, etc), it's all subjective in the end.

I'm delighted with my 59th place- after all, I make no effort to cater for the masses. They can take their unwashed bodies elsewhere!

Lighten up, assholes!

Oh horror- how terribly Non-PC!

"...The Corrections Department has been forced to explain why two staff members attended a work Christmas function dressed as a suspected terrorist and accused mass murderer - both of whom have been inmates in New Zealand jails..."

SO FRIGGIN WHAT!

I tell you one thing- it certainly wouldn't be custodial staff- they don't get frickin' Christmas parties- THAT sort of extravagance is only for the pen-pushers!

Corrections wouldn't give the front-line troops the steam of their piss!

Unspeakable Acts

Are being carried out locally

I saw it with my own eyes today- nobody should have to witness such things!

The consequence-free world strikes again

This cretin is due a flogging (for starters) Won't get it though!

"...Daisy, aged 13, died in Whangarei Hospital yesterday morning, just a few days before her 14th birthday this Friday.

Her friend, also aged 13, remains stable in hospital with serious injuries, which the Herald understands include a broken leg and smashed hip.

A 15-year-old boy, who was driving the motocross bike and suffered minor injuries, has been interviewed by police over the crash and been referred to youth aid..."

I was at the local beach yesterday and commented to the wife that parents that by kids these bikes need a good kick up the arse. For us it was simply a noise issue. The next day, it's another parents worst nightmare.

But hey- he's only 15 and can't possibly know right from wrong! Don't destroy his life with a prison sentence!

BULLSHIT!

Old enough to be operating a motor vehicle, old enough to be responsible for the consequences. You want to play with big boys toys, you take a big boys punishment when you screw up. If you can't do that- stick to your BMX!

I really like this

Another lotto win dream...

Who would have thought...

That a TV doco about crab fishing could be so captivating!

The Deadliest Catch

Hard men doing a hard, hard job- for big rewards!

That's what made us- risk-takers who put it all on the line. Not girly-boys scared of tearing a knuckle or losing a nights sleep. Not wimps who have to run inside when they get wet.

A job where respect is earned the hard way and failure to measure up is not tolerated.

Men living hard and making big money- or maybe losing their lives.

Inspiring stuff!

Das Electoral Finance Act

For those feck-arsed busybody livestock molesters who may wish to interpret otherwise:

I assert that this website is a feckin' blog and I don't make a brass razoo for publishing it, and any views expressed on it by me are my personal political views and under paragraph (g) of Section 5(2) of the Electoral Finance Act, is not an election advertisement.

I further assert that this website is a news media Internet site and that all posts on here are written by me, as the editor, solely for the purpose of informing, enlightening or entertaining readers- mostly to feckin' entertain, and hence also is not an election advertisement under paragraph (d) of Section 5(2) of the Electoral Finance Act.

Now sod off and go back to the rock you crawled from under.

Weight loss plan

This is one Christmas that I have not been overeating.

Some strain of nasty has gotten into my inards and while the grosser effects have passed, I have no appetite and bloat really easily.

I have dropped about 4kg since the 26th when the trouble started.

All I have to do is keep it going for another three weeks!

Albert and the Tiger

There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That's noted for fresh-air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was their Albert
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
'E'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.

They didn't think much to the ocean
The waves, they was fiddlin' and small
There was no wrecks... nobody drownded
'Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

So, seeking for further amusement
They paid and went into the zoo
Where they'd lions and tigers and cam-els
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big lion called Wallace
His nose were all covered with scars
He lay in a som-no-lent posture
With the side of his face to the bars.

Now Albert had heard about lions
How they were ferocious and wild
And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
Well... it didn't seem right to the child.

So straight 'way the brave little feller
Not showing a morsel of fear
Took 'is stick with the'orse's 'ead 'andle
And pushed it in Wallace's ear!

You could see that the lion didn't like it
For giving a kind of a roll
He pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im
And swallowed the little lad... whole!

Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
And didn't know what to do next
Said, "Mother! Yon lions 'et Albert"
And Mother said "Eeh, I am vexed!"

So Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Quite rightly, when all's said and done
Complained to the Animal Keeper
That the lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it
He said, "What a nasty mishap
Are you sure that it's your lad he's eaten?"
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's his cap!"

So the manager had to be sent for
He came and he said, "What's to do?"
Pa said, "Yon lion's 'eaten our Albert
And 'im in his Sunday clothes, too."

Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller
I think it's a shame and a sin
For a lion to go and eat Albert
And after we've paid to come in!"

The manager wanted no trouble
He took out his purse right away
And said, "How much to settle the matter?"
And Pa said "What do you usually pay?"

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone
She said, "No! someone's got to be summonsed"
So that were decided upon.

Round they went to the Police Station
In front of a Magistrate chap
They told 'im what happened to Albert
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
That no-one was really to blame
He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she
"What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"

Moral of the story?

Don't tease the fucking Tiger!

We probably won't ever really know if the did, but I'm reminded of a similar scenario at Wellington zoo. I was watching the Lions when a group of kids started winding up a lion on the other side of a plexiglass window. This animal was charging the window and the kids though this was hilarious. I ordered my wife and kids out. I rarely take that tone with them and they left immediately. The other damned fools had no appreciation of the power of these animals

Tagged!

I have been tagged!

This one is an eight point 2008 wish list. One or two things come to mind...

1. More sex and more money (the two are not mutually exclusive) Tonights powerball would be nice!
2. My Luger to finally get out of Pakistani customs.
3. Liarbour and the Greens to get knocked on their arses.
4. ACT to get over the 5 % threshold.
5. Libertarianz to get a seat (as likely as my powerball win, but hey- I keep buying tickets!)
6. Reintroduction of the Death Penalty, flogging and an annual decimation in prisons.
7. Lindsay Mitchell wins a seat and in a deal between Nats and ACT, is appointed Minister of Social Welfare (or whatever they call it now)
8. Income tax is abolished.

I tag Crusader Rabbit, Zen Tiger, Mrs Smith, MK's Views and KOTGD

Lemmings on the move

Happens every year at this time.

People living at one end of the country get an unexplainable urge to rush to the other end of the country.

And they all leave Mr Brain at home. Which could explain why credit card spending goes through the roof at this time.

If I had it my way (I don't) I would be retreating into the hills for a couple of weeks, as I used to do in my younger days, to spend time hunting, fishing and growing facial hair.

With not a she-mountain isle-blocker, camper van driving retard or a subhuman wearing Crocs in sight!

New road rule- m'kay?

It's called:

'Give way to the frickin' locals'

Do we understand each other?

Coming to a Banana Republic near you...

2008 Ballot Paper

This Ballot Paper proudly sponsored by NZ Labour, democratic leaders of the free world etc. (Approved by H Simpson; Paid for by Parliamentary Service)


Name: _________________________*

Address: _________________________*

* I realise that for transparency reasons, we should not vote anonymously, because the Exclusive Brethren may try to vote twice.

* I may leave this blank if I want to assign my vote to the incumbent government

* Any voting form filled out incorrectly will become a proxy vote for whoever Margaret Wilson decides, as Margaret Wilson can be relied upon to be impartial.

[X] Yes, I give my electorate vote to NZ Labour

[X] Yes, I give my Party vote to NZ Labour

[X] Yes, Please repeat the same order next election (assuming we hold them)

[X] Please assign my family's vote to Labour on this one convenient vote ticket.
I declare my dog to be living and in good health.
Total in family: 4,6,8,20 (Circle one. Round up to the nearest number.)
(White out any X if they are not required)

[ ] No, I would prefer to vote for ________________________^

(Please enter the candidate name & party EXACTLY for your vote to be valid.)

^ By voting for another party, I realise that IRD may audit me as part
of a random compliance initiative.

[X] But I still want to Party Vote Labour

[ ] Please cancel my Party Vote as a protest (any kind of protest)

[ ] No, I've thought about it and want to Party Vote _____________

[ ] I've changed my mind. Cancel my party vote.

[X] This is a one time vote, I revert to auto-subscribe (vote Labour) in future elections.
(White out the X if not required)
----------------------------------------------------
Declaration: Please check the following

[ ] I am not Exclusive Brethren (You guys said you don't vote, so don't.)

[ ] I am not, or never have been a member of a terrorist organisation such as National, which starts with the letter N, the same letter as Nazi.

[ ] I believe my NCEA credit has suitably qualified me to understand why I am voting Labour. I also believe that Labour were forced to charge me millions of dollars for my university education, and I am grateful they have decided not to charge interest.


Shamelessly plagiarized from NZ Conservative

Silent Night

Blissful peace!

Everyone else has gone out to look at Christmas lights.

I'm on-call and have two choices:

Stay home and have nothing happen
Go out and have my phone go nuts with fault calls

So stay home alone is the choice!

No doubt I will pay for this...

For Christmas

The imminent famine

I sure there must be one coming- going by the hordes buying up at Pak & Save today!

Honestly, the shops are only closed for two days! How much can you frickin' eat in that time.

But then looking at the numerous examples of Ambulocetus* blocking the aisles- quite a bit!

All I have left to do is pick up my ham on Monday, so I can avoid the Red Shed, Pak & Save and the other forms of retail hell for the really crazy days.

The seasonal insanity has also spread to the roads, going by the low-grade moron driving at 65km on the open road, oblivious to the rest of the world.

It's that or German Cortinas doing warp factor nine on their way to the cutsy holiday cottage in Martinborough or Greytown.

Normally I go into hiding at this time of year, but I'm working so I can't...








* Look it up like I did

Interesting...

Inquest looms on 200-year-old skull

21.12.2007
By Don Farmer

An ancient skull of a white female found near Featherston and with what appears to be injuries inflicted on it could prove to be a testing finale for outgoing Masterton District Coroner Jock Kershaw.

A forensic scientist and a very experienced consultant forensic pathologist both examined the skull in Auckland.

Their conclusion was the skull was "not Maori" and "clearly the skull of an adult woman".

The experts put the time of death only as "beyond living memory" but when it was forwarded to the Environmental Science and Research laboratory for carbon-14 dating an accurate finding on its age was made.

Police are not willing to make public the age of the skull before the inquest but have confirmed, in information requested under the Official Information Act, the mid-1700s as being "in the ball park".

Link:

Could we have a few inaccuracies in the history books?

Never mind- this inconvenient find will soon disappear...

Did the earth move for you?

Perspective

All day lying in puddles, working in 100% humidity and covered in mud, oil and rust, straining to undo frozen bolts.

I thought that was a shit of a day.

Then I got an email from a chap I have known for years. He has been sliding downhill form depression for some years. It looks like he has reached the turnaround point now, but on catching up with his past couple of years- I decided my day, job and life are really nothing to complain about!

I had noted the similarity...

Thanks to Tom Scott for the cartoon

Link:

That painful time of year

When dutiful parents have to attend assorted school events.

Tonights one was the annoying type where kids sing badly in other languages.

The difference between sitting though that and a tooth extraction- about $90...

Oswalds Easy Eggnog

Forget the bullshit recipes found elsewhere. Eggnog is custard with booze added- that's about it. You don't need to make custard- the stuff in the supermarket works fine.

So:

Take one litre of ready-made custard

Whisk in 250 mls of cream and a cup (big) of dark rum, along with a teaspoon of ground nutmeg.

Is that easy or what?

Woman of the Year my arse!

What a load of PC crap!

Story:

I know her sort well- a feckin' groupie!

We had them in the army too. They would fuck anything in a uniform. The consent issues might be dodgey by todays PC standards, but we are talking about a time when life was different.

There is an old saying 'there is none so righteous as a reformed whore'

That's about the size of it. There sleazy past comes up, so they deny it saying the were raped.

[Insert Tui ad here]

You cant judge the standards of 30 years ago by today.

And the past is THE PAST.

Still too good for them!

“The meals on Christmas day are almost identical to that served on any other day with the added extra of a Christmas mince pie. The menu is the same across all 20 prisons.

“Lunch is a portion of chicken, a serving of vegetables and a mince pie. Cold meat, salads and fruit will be dished up for dinner.

“While the meals are nutritious, they are by no means lavish.”

Story Here:

Meals are one thing Corrections gets about right- although they are soft on luxuries like tea and sugar.

However, I reckon Christmas should be a day of fasting- as should any day not spent working be!

One soft-cock doesn't agree:

"...Top Wellington chef Martin Bosley was aghast after seeing a photograph of the prison Christmas fare.

"That is truly awful," he said of the meal. "Your first thought is, 'Thank Christ I'm not in jail.' Imagine being sentenced to 18 years of that."

However, he said that, with a budget of $4 a day for three square meals, he would find it hard to create anything more appetising..."

News flash!- that might be 'Truly Awful' to a metrosexual tucker-fucker, but there are many thousands out there in NZ that would be delighted to receive that- not aghast.

Anything better for the inmate shit-heads is just like feeding a pig strawberries.

But he seems to gets the moral of the lesson- DON'T GO TO JAIL!

Make the punishment fit the crime

This

Is not trivial- the cost of spam is enormous

"...About 95 per cent of emails this year - up from 70 per cent in 2006 - were classified as junk messages, according to a report from US security firm Barracuda, Agence France Presse reported.

Most of this is deleted by email filters run by Internet providers before it hits inboxes..."

I believe the punishment should fit the crime- thus all spammers are to be reduced to- Spam!

Put through an industrial-grade mincer, rendered down, seasoned and sold for dog tucker. (which is all Spam is fit for!)

If it won't sell as dog tucker, at least they won't take up much cell space!

MORE

Buy a Fireman a beer!

I can't praise those unpaid volunteers enough!

I was one of the first on the scene of a nasty crash an hour ago. The vehicle had hit a power pole, the driver was badly injured and the ute was on fire.

With my extinguisher and another from another first-aider we kept the fire down, but could not extinguish it.

The driver was trapped and there was no way we could get her out.

It was a real relief to see that fire crew arrive, just as the engine was starting to flare up, as we were near out of options!

Update:

Story here:

Restricting slug guns is not exactly what I would do...

"Police in Tauranga doubt further restrictions on the use of slug guns will stop youths from committing crimes..."

They would be right. These morons simply can't look 15 seconds into the future and see what the results of their idiocy could be.

Story:

Well lets look at dropping restrictions on carrying ALL firearms. (For those who LEGALLY own them)

"...He says packs of youths looking for trouble is becoming all too common, and they seem to have no respect for the law..."

Well, I bet the little shitheads will respect a 230 grain chunk of lead & copper. The thought of getting a REAL slug in return may just deter them from waving weenie airguns about!

Just let us protect ouselves. The police, with the best of intentions, can't be everywhere...

On the Positive side

I'm always impressed with people who create or discover a new niche and make a business out of it.

Today I 'found' one, while looking for something for the wife. It's a local boutique that sells upmarket labels- second-hand.

The owner spends two days a week hunting down the good stuff amongst the dross in the second-hand shops, then resells it in her shop. I'm told you can get an outfit for something like a wedding or formal occasion for under $100.

Ladies, if you like a bargain and don't mind second-hand (as in worn once)

'Ooh La La' in Featherston, next to the RSA.

Thieving swine!

Hey you pinko shit-eaters! You know who you are- I've seen your IP addresses on my stats tracker and know you look in here.

Re-adjust the friggin tax tables, you bottom-dwelling scum sucking crapheads.

As you thieving bastards well know- they have not been matched to inflation in eight-odd years.

$800 in bloody tax last week. I should stop working 13+ hr days and let your friggin crappers dry up!

Sympathy- Zero

Nobody wants you, you piece of Shit!

What a friggin' surprise that nobody want the chief suspect in a double infanticide in their town!


Some advice for Mr Loser:

• Get the dorky ring out of your face when you are in court.
• Learn to like your own company.
• Cut lengthways, not across the wrist.
• It's too late to do the 'growing up' now.
  

After watching the news- I need to visit this site!

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Shutting the stable door after the horse has buggered off

Typical of the Army- now that they have been burgled- they now have guards wandering around outside the museum! More Mickey-Mouse for the current intake.

(I have spies everywhere!)


To those who say that the thieves need dealing to by the SAS- I say NO!

Let them take a kicking by a bunch of WW2 vets.

Like being impaled on a blunt spike- it takes much longer....

A despicable act!

Charles Upham's Victoria Cross and bar is among prestigious military medals stolen from the Waiouru Army Museum.

Nine Victoria Crosses, two George Crosses and other medals were stolen in the theft early today.

Museum staff discovered that several displays had been broken into, after the alarm was activated in an annex to the building sometime between midnight and 6am.

Link: http://www.stuff.co.nz/4306566a10.html


I'm going to take a guess that this is going to turn out to be a theft by activists. This property is too hot and too specialised to sell.

Any penalty on the books is not enough for these lowfife scum- whatever the reason!

Stop!- thief!

Former minister Bunkle gets diversion for theft

6:00AM Friday November 30, 2007

Former Government minister Phillida Bunkle has been given diversion after pleading guilty to taking about $30 worth of items from a supermarket.

The former Alliance MP and Consumer Affairs Minister was charged with theft after walking out of a Paraparaumu supermarket without paying for coffee and a bottle of wine on October 16.

The Dominion Post reported yesterday that Bunkle had returned from Britain, where she had been for several weeks, to face the charge at Porirua District Court.

The judge was convinced that, as a former Alliance MP, Bunkum genuinely did not understand that it is wrong to take other peoples property.

Where's Cricket?

I ate the little fucker!

Update:


Dead Rat-dog- best kind!

The Christmas wish list

Her Indoors:

Clothes vouchers
Gold stuff
Chocolate
More gold stuff.

B1:
What's Christmas?

B2:
Transformers (all)
Hot wheels
Trampoline
Swimming pool
Bike
Skateboard
R/C car
Transformers
Transformer towel
Transformers sleeping bag
Transformers
Transformers Movie
50" LCD TV
Chocolate
Chocolate transformers

Me:
More sex
More Money
A Luger

Into the 21st!

After an IE meltdown, I finally upgraded to Mozilla Firefox.

Why did I wait so long!- I have had this PC for six months now (The old one wouldn't run a real browser)

Screw you Microsoftcocks!

A consequence-free enviroment

Where a 21 year-old can knock up a 12 year-old (having shagged her since age 11)

Sordid story here:

And-

"...Police chose not to lay charges against a 21-year-old who fathered a child with a 13-year-old girl - even though he confessed to police he had been having sex with a minor..."

I would be choosing to cut the friggin' pedophille's balls off and feed them to him!

"...Asked about police protocols in the case of someone having sex with a minor, a spokesperson at Police National Headquarters said charges were laid only if there was sufficient evidence and proceeding with a case was in the public interest..."

How about DNA evidence?

Or is he planning a career in the labour party?


Feckin' unbelievable!

Bloody Metrosexual TV

I was going to have a go about the endless shows involving simpering poofters telling us how to dress & live.

But I found This and couldn't have put it better myself!

Well- it was a start!

"...Two protesters who disrupted Wellington's Anzac Day dawn service by setting fire to a New Zealand flag and blowing a horn have been convicted in Wellington District Court..."

Link:

$500 + $130 costs was a start.

Tar & Feathers would have been good, along with a day in the stocks.

Having the shit kicked out of them at the after-match fuction even better!

White Ribbon Bullshit

I didn't know that the dick-licking UN were behind this bollocks, until I read the previously linked article- but I'm not suprised.

For you neutered nannys of the UN- NOT SMACKING WOMEN ABOUT IS THE DEFAULT SETTING-RIGHT!

I see no need to 'show proof' that I'm agin it! (generally- I know a few that would be improved by a pickaxe through the spinal column!)

"...The New Zealand Crime and Safety Survey 2006 found that 26 per cent of women can expect to experience violence by a male partner during their lifetime..."

So about 74% of us don't do it. Sod off and bug the other 26%

Tax avoidance

After an 18 month break, I'm back into brewing my own.

The discounter that was selling dirt cheap beer is gone and the replacement's pencil is not nearly as sharp.

So sod him and the tax department- I'm back to making 40 pints for $12

I need another fermenter and the still will be coming back into use too.


On the subject, a clean up of the garage yielded 8 litres of misc. spirits and liquers, hidden behind assorted junk. This haul included several bottles of 19 year-old homemade Elderberry wine!

The Workplace and Workers

50% are nominally competent at their job- at least when closely supervised by a competent supervisor. This is not a state that happens as often as it should.

10% are self-starters and can do their job without somebody holding their hand. They will turn up and actually look for useful things to do.

2% are self-starters that will find ways of doing the job better, faster or cheaper. You hope they won't move to bigger and better things.



The rest-

Toasted Martinborough

It's that time of year again!

Spare a thought for the cleaners that have to de-puke the trains and buses tonight!

It was a hot day today and there were more drunks at large than on the streets of Hokitika on VE day, 1945.

One of the lads on cleanup last year (age 18) made the interesting comment that had a younger crowd at a rock concert left such a trail of refuse, discarded clothing, glass and vomit- the media would have had a field day with it.

He had a good point...

Harden up you pussywhipped, Brady Bunch townies~

Did this article need a graphic images warning?

A couple of friggin goat heads! They have probably been left out for the flesh to rot off- a lot of folks do that as they want to keep the skulls and horns. No satanic rituals to see here- move along!

"...A Waikato SPCA animal inspector said it was "very graphic and horrific" and severed animal heads should never be left in full public view..."

You friggin soft-cock weenie! Take a look in the butcher's shop and you will see pigs heads and other bits of critter. Whats the bloody difference?

Another non-story about the pussification of New Zealand...

Miss America

Nobody expects the Spanish Inqisition!

Or the Cigarette Gestapo!

Honestly, with all that is going on in our world, can't you wannabe Dick Tracy types GET OUT AND CATCH SOME CROOKS!

I mean- what is this shit:

"...A 14-year-old volunteer, the Wairarapa DHB Public Health Smokefree enforcement officer and a Ministry of Health Enforcement Officer visited 12 Masterton and three Carterton dairies recently checking to see if retailers were selling cigarettes to minors in a Controlled Purchase Operation..."

Do these pricks dress up in a Fedora and a black leather trenchcoat and pose in front of the mirror at night, practicing saying "papers!" in a menacing tone?

Get real jobs!

Exorcisms don't kill- morons do

If you have invisible friends- keep them to yourself!

"...Police confirmed yesterday the death of Moses, who has two daughters aged three and one, was suspicious and a homicide inquiry was under way.

It was believed she drowned in an "extensive amount" of water held in plastic containers in the lounge of the house. Up to 40 people were watching the ceremony when she died..."

Because other fuckwits will try to 'save' you.

And ther is nothing quite as dangerous as well-meaning fucktards....

More survey bullshit

"Almost 20 per cent of men do not wash their hands after using public toilets, a national hand hygiene survey has found..."

Link:

More anti- male crap which implies we are dirtier than saintly women!

"...Overall 92.4 per cent of females washed their hands, compared with 81.0 per cent of males.
Female subjects also washed their hands for longer with a median duration of 8.8 seconds, compared with 8.0 seconds for males. Only 8.1 per cent of subjects washed their hands for at least 20 seconds.
Males who did wash their hands used soap almost 10 per cent less often than females..."

We are comnparing apples with oranges here- or perhaps bananas with peaches!

News flash! Males and females have different plumbing and to be blunt- males don't have to wipe urine off themslves (usually) Unlike Jornos, most of us have mastered the art of not pissing on our fingers!

I find the fact that 8% of women don't wash fingers that have been in amongst their bits & pieces more disturbing.

And when leaving a public toilet- your hands are going to touch the doorhandle which was touched by the scrubbed and the filthy!

I have been in many a public toilet where Mr Wobbly was the cleaner than any fixture in the room!

Perhaps it's time gloves came back into fashion...

Crystal ball gazing

Watch now for an upsurge in improvised fireworks/explosives as the young and stupid explore a mostly consequence-free NZ.

All the materials are available on the supermarket shelves.

Don't expect ME to tell you what they are!

My prediction is that bomb-making efforts will take off next year.

It won't be terrorists- just dumbass boys on the way to meet Darwin...

On a more serious note

Stealing from an Ambulance:

One of the lower things that a scumbag could choose to do. It's in the same league as stealing food from children or taking a pensioner's life savings.

Bastinado or keel-hauling sounds about right- for a first offense.

Pomegranates

I brought one, something I have never done before.

They were $2.50 and I thought- 'what the hell- try something new.'

Now I'm thinking- 'What the hell do I do with the frickin thing!'


Update:

Problem solved!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pomegranate

So Long- nobbled by the Govamint- again!

You wicked people- look what you made us do to you!

Since some of you can't behave- no fireworks for anybody!

Now go to bed and think about what you have done- while we find something else to regulate, ban or censure!

I did it yet again!

I have a bit of a 'thing' for just avoiding smashes on the Rimutakas. When I say just avoiding, I mean that I have passed the about to be crash site five minutes or less before the incident. This has happend on no less than eight occasions- about once a year. Not so much now that I'm working locally.

Today's one would have happened less than 60 seconds after we passed the site, going by the position of the convoy of emergency services.

When I was commuting, there would be signs of a new crash (broken glass, fences down or paint on the rock) at least three times a week. It's not really a hard road at all. You just have to slow down in the wet, wind or when there is ice on the road.

A hell of a lot don't.

UPDATE:

I did it again today!

I arrived at the club and a chap who arrived 5 minutes after me asked "Did you see the burning motorcycle on the side of the road?"

Wasn't there when I went past that spot!

Before you ask- yes- I did get that new pair of glasses!

Another 'Yeah- Right'

"You won't see cops with guns on the streets of 'Rich White suburbs'"- according to the bleeding heart brigade.

Take a look at the news and see what is going on in the 'Rich White suburb' of Mirimar right now.

http://nz.news.yahoo.com/071102/3/29le.html

Update:

Discussion has gotten a little off-subject, which is fine, but the post was pointing out that statements by scum-loving lawyers after the latest raids out in the jungle. I don't hear the people of Mirimar whinging that they have been terrorised and traumatised by the black-clad colonial oppressors!