Sunday, December 26, 2010

The non-stress Christmas/Saturnalia pig-out

1- All stuff that food eats is prepared the night before (that's salads to you womenfolk!)
2- All food that food eats that needs cooking must be able to be cooked by boiling (That would be spuds)
3- All food shall be cooked in or on the barbecue. This is MAN'S domain. If the owner of the barbecue is renowned for burning the food, the men shall select an accomplished barbecue master to take charge.
4- The barbecue-master shall be supplied with sufficient beer or red wine that he has no need to leave his post- apart from calls of nature where he may briefly retire behind the garage/lemon tree.
5- The meal will be done, when it is done. Early or late afternoon/evening should be enough information.
6- Chips, nuts and pickles are adequate entrees.
7- Go back in history and bread sufficed as a plate. The only utensils were knives. I see no reason to change what worked.
8- Let the kids eat exactly what they want for this one day of the year. They will probably survive it.
9- Any person mentioning diets to be flung into the pool/hosed.
10- Thank the cooks, even if the food was shit. You can show them up next year.

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