It makes me wonder about the rate of knocked-up teenagers, etc, when contraception is so heavily subsidised by the taxpayer.
As I see no point in not using a service you are forced to pay for, I went in today (somebody forgot to take the baby-preventer pill!)
I left with 144 (12 dozen, in the old money) condoms- cost?- $18!
Now that's a lot of rumpy!
If I had been under 22 they would have been FREE (AKA Totally Subsidised by YOU)
That's right- contraception at no cost to under 22's.
The nurse there even tells you how they work and don't work- she didn't insult my intelligence by giving me an in-depth talk on the subject, fortunatly! I have been using them for longer than some of her clients have been around.
SO WHY ARE THEY GETTING KNOCKED UP, WITH ALL THIS HELP AVAILABLE!
Two words:
Meal Ticket...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
6 weeks to the big cowboy shoot!
Time to pack my hi-tech 19th century gear away for a bit.Trails End-the big event is only six weeks away, so I will be getting in a bit of practice in with my pair of these- the Remington 1858 .44 (which is actually a .45!) Cap & ball revolver.
Lots of smoke, flames and hot lead are going to be flying over the next month or so, as I fine-tune my pistols and muzzle-loader!
Monday, January 30, 2006
Off-Beat Blog of the Week
Dog haters- here is the site for you!
Doghaters
Just the thing for the person who finds turd that should be from the Jurrasic period on their front lawn, or has their rubbish bag shredded for the fifth week running!
Doghaters
Just the thing for the person who finds turd that should be from the Jurrasic period on their front lawn, or has their rubbish bag shredded for the fifth week running!
34C in the shade
All jobs on the list completed- Time to retire to the paddling pool to drink beer!
Grubbing out gorse stumps can wait for a cooler day!
Thought for Today
"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Good, clean fun!
The .44 auto and pump-gun or 'Wild Bunch' match (from the classic movie) is an experiment we tried last year. I have since found out that it is taking off as a side-match at CAS events, in the states (CAS- Cowboy Action Shooting)Unlike classic cowboy era matches, this event allows the use of the classic model 1911 .45 Auto pistol. Usually, we shoot a two-gun match- pistol and pump-action shotgun. Sometimes we have a rifle stage, for lever-action rifles in pistol calibres. Targets are steel plates and scoring is hit or miss. Winner has the fastest time and a five-second penalty is added for a miss.
Shotgun targets are from 8-10 metres, pistol from 7-50 metres and rifle 25-50 metres. Nothing is too big or too close to miss, when it's a speed event!
Another fun day! I had a disasterous first stage with 5 misses on the pistol stage, although they were all on the 50 metre targets. That is asking a lot for a speed event, but I only missed two on the second stage, which is about par for the course.
I must have made the shotgun stage a bit easy as nobody missed a shot all day- even though I went to smaller fall-down targets and spread them out more- still, its about how fast you do it!
As we only had a few today, we dropped the rifle stage, but I had a play with the falling disks and my .45 colt lever gun. One miss out of 26 rounds- wish I could do that in competition!
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Your Viking name
Discover the inner Viking within!
http://www.thequarter.org/Media/VikingName.php
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam....
http://www.thequarter.org/Media/VikingName.php
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam....
Thought for today
"Swim upstream from small children and men drinking beer in the river."
-Oswald Bastable
-Oswald Bastable
Another thing I said would happen one day...
Meet your new replacement: http://xtramsn.co.nz/technology/0,,13441-5312950,00.html
For just under 50,000 yen (US$430) a month, a fraction of the cost of a human temp, the PeopleStaff agency will dispatch Hello Kitty Robo, a robotic receptionist capable of sensing a visitor's presence, greeting him or her and holding simple conversations.
After years of dealing with front-office types that are legally dead from the neck up, or 'too pretty to know anything' Hello Kitty could only be an improvement!
Especially in government departments!
An added bonus for employers would be that the staff won't hang around reception trying to shag the new receptionist. if they still persist (and I wouldn't be surprised), the matter won't result in a sexual harassment kerfuffle. In the worst case, a damp cloth will soon fix any...Indiscretions.
Hello Kitty could easily tolerate being told to sod off and die 24/7, without exposing the employer to damages for stress in the workplace, thus- Telemarketing!
Helpdesks would be another application, where the customer probably wouldn't know the difference.
Friday, January 27, 2006
It ain't 'af hot!
Summer is back with a vengence today, having taken a couple of days off.
34c outside and it's time to go sit in the kid's pool and drink beer!
This continues for the next five days- I'm glad I've finished doing firewood!
Blog of the Week
Rest Area 300m
An amusing blog- non political and squabble-free, Rest Area 300m has a fine collection of mildly amusing, sometimes hillarious, images- usually on a roading theme.
Unlike many similar blogs, it is updated most days.
Well worth a look!
An amusing blog- non political and squabble-free, Rest Area 300m has a fine collection of mildly amusing, sometimes hillarious, images- usually on a roading theme.
Unlike many similar blogs, it is updated most days.
Well worth a look!
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Screw the Fuel Economy!
I want a big, thirsty possum crusher!But seriously, the greens have yet again missed the reality (if nothing they are consistant there)
We already have a comsumption tax on Real Blokes wagons. It's called GST.
More diesel, more GST- as well as the host of other hidden taxes.
Caught a bit on the news- some smarmy Chardonnay socialist banging on about how we should be buying (expensive) hybrids just like Ms Goody-Goody Two-shoes herself. Fuck you!
Try pulling a trailer load of strainers or boulders in one of those! The arse end would fall off!
They may be the cat's pajama's in town, but useless for most of NZ, where cars are used for more than drive to vegan cafes.
Those big-assed landcruisers and 4wd's might be a status symbol in town, but are a nessecity when towing or travelling poorly maintained gravel roads. And I'm not refering to skifield roads here!
Fecking greens seem to forget where the food comes from. But then the people in thosae areas don't vote green or liarbour...
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Bugger me!
Got my first kill with a chainsaw!
I was working down at my firewood block today and caught a wiff of something dead. I couldn't find it until I finished limbing and dragged the branches clear.
Under a (very big) tree I felled on Sunday was a dead rabbit!
He must have thought he was safe 60 feet from where I was working, until a couple of tons of Blue Gum dropped on him!
Thought for the Day
"Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it. "
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
What's going wrong with our prisons?
Political interference is the problem.
Once upon a time, the entire prison service was run by those who had done their time 'at the coal face.'
These men worked through the ranks and knew all the peculiarities of prison life and what made it run. Mostly, they had served in a disciplined service- armed services, police, firemen. They knew the importance of having the support and loyalty of the men under their command. They understood their main role was to protect the public. There was a no bullshit approach to inmate management- if they played up they got stomped on hard. It was understood they needed to work.
The men and women who worked the prisons were well-paid and stayed on for years. The job involved awful hours, working in a very unpleasant environment with very unpleasant and often brutal persons. The money reflected that.
Then in came the political interference, as the public service was restructured. Justice was split up as it was too big a power block(and full of nasty- right wingers) The powers-that-be made a tertiary qualifications essential for all management positions- out with those who just had 30 years practical experience and in with the psychologists and tree-huggers.
These are the ones who decided that inmates should do programs to address their offending and education. This does sound reasonable, on the face of it but it came at a cost- inmate employment. It costs money to supervise work parties. This budget was diverted into programs, with the result that many inmates sat about all day with nothing useful to do.
And when know who finds work for idle hands!
With rehabilitation the order of the day, in theory at least, it was decided to 'soften' the prison experience. Prison officer's uniforms looked too authoritarian and had to be changed. Daily routines like parading for roll call were canned- too military!
As is typical when do-gooder try to improve someone's lot- the opposite effect is achieved. Inmates were permitted to wear their own clothes (Some bean-counter probably decided that was cheaper than uniform)- now we have stand-overs for clothes and shoes.
Smokes used to be cheap (duty-free) but Herr Helen stopped that. Now tobacco is the main currency and causes all sorts of problems. Should have just banned the stuff, if they had some balls.
There are mixed messages sent. Drugs are forbidden, but testing and enforcement is very limited, due to minimal resources being put into prevention, testing and the damned overly liberal visiting system. Visits should be from behind Plexiglas for all! As for ideas like 'family days- what a crock of shite!'
The drug dogs are few and far between and there are almost no 'border patrols' around the facilities. The paperwork involved in piss-testing and the formalities mean that a fraction of the tests that should be done are done.
The ancient media like to blame officer corruption for the drugs and this does happen but the bulk of the contraband is thrown over the wire or comes in up the arse. (google 'goatse' if you don't believe a cellphone fits!) For some years now a high-tech scanner has been available that finds such things, but no, don't take any action- just blame corruption.
Overseas, it is customary to carry some kind of protection- baton, mace, stunners and firearms. In good old PC NZ, staff have radios!
The relationship between managemnet and staff makes the Dilbert Zone look like the Waltons.
Lastly, the departments Integrated Offender Management system. It sound like a great idea, but is just another admin. nightmare- when staff are doing data entry (continually) on a user-unfriendly system to supply statistics for head office, real prison work isn't being done- searching, patroling, watching inmates.
Nor does it get done when all the staff are reading 'Situations Vacant'...
Once upon a time, the entire prison service was run by those who had done their time 'at the coal face.'
These men worked through the ranks and knew all the peculiarities of prison life and what made it run. Mostly, they had served in a disciplined service- armed services, police, firemen. They knew the importance of having the support and loyalty of the men under their command. They understood their main role was to protect the public. There was a no bullshit approach to inmate management- if they played up they got stomped on hard. It was understood they needed to work.
The men and women who worked the prisons were well-paid and stayed on for years. The job involved awful hours, working in a very unpleasant environment with very unpleasant and often brutal persons. The money reflected that.
Then in came the political interference, as the public service was restructured. Justice was split up as it was too big a power block(and full of nasty- right wingers) The powers-that-be made a tertiary qualifications essential for all management positions- out with those who just had 30 years practical experience and in with the psychologists and tree-huggers.
These are the ones who decided that inmates should do programs to address their offending and education. This does sound reasonable, on the face of it but it came at a cost- inmate employment. It costs money to supervise work parties. This budget was diverted into programs, with the result that many inmates sat about all day with nothing useful to do.
And when know who finds work for idle hands!
With rehabilitation the order of the day, in theory at least, it was decided to 'soften' the prison experience. Prison officer's uniforms looked too authoritarian and had to be changed. Daily routines like parading for roll call were canned- too military!
As is typical when do-gooder try to improve someone's lot- the opposite effect is achieved. Inmates were permitted to wear their own clothes (Some bean-counter probably decided that was cheaper than uniform)- now we have stand-overs for clothes and shoes.
Smokes used to be cheap (duty-free) but Herr Helen stopped that. Now tobacco is the main currency and causes all sorts of problems. Should have just banned the stuff, if they had some balls.
There are mixed messages sent. Drugs are forbidden, but testing and enforcement is very limited, due to minimal resources being put into prevention, testing and the damned overly liberal visiting system. Visits should be from behind Plexiglas for all! As for ideas like 'family days- what a crock of shite!'
The drug dogs are few and far between and there are almost no 'border patrols' around the facilities. The paperwork involved in piss-testing and the formalities mean that a fraction of the tests that should be done are done.
The ancient media like to blame officer corruption for the drugs and this does happen but the bulk of the contraband is thrown over the wire or comes in up the arse. (google 'goatse' if you don't believe a cellphone fits!) For some years now a high-tech scanner has been available that finds such things, but no, don't take any action- just blame corruption.
Overseas, it is customary to carry some kind of protection- baton, mace, stunners and firearms. In good old PC NZ, staff have radios!
The relationship between managemnet and staff makes the Dilbert Zone look like the Waltons.
Lastly, the departments Integrated Offender Management system. It sound like a great idea, but is just another admin. nightmare- when staff are doing data entry (continually) on a user-unfriendly system to supply statistics for head office, real prison work isn't being done- searching, patroling, watching inmates.
Nor does it get done when all the staff are reading 'Situations Vacant'...
Monday, January 23, 2006
The joys of your own private beach
Thanks to the last lot of floods, I have one. A nice sandy bar, shaded by trees, next to a stream.
I still need to do a bit of work on the track, but that's just 30 minutes with the scrubcutter. A bit of pick & shovel and we can now drive in with 2wd- while it's summer, anyway.
Thanks to a little dam building project, the water is deep enough to get wet- let a couple of boys loose and they will dam a stream every time. Helped by a few bigger lads, of course!
The only access is through our property, or by walking up the stream for a couple of k's. Blackberry and gorse keeps the great unwashed out along the banks.
I'm in the process of building a hut about one minute from there- 'Artist's' impression above.
Totally private- this spot can't be seen without a helicopter!
Swimming Weather
I define swimming weather as when the temperature gets to above 28 degrees.
It is currently 32C in the shade and the paddling pool is being filled for the first time. When I got it out of the box that it will never again fit into, a piece of paper fell out.
Apparently, it is forbidden to put more than 400 mm of water in the pool without a permit from das authorities.
Here's a big SOD OFF from me!
I notice the local rivers are non-compliant...
Thought for Today
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
Robert Heinlein,
Robert Heinlein,
Weird blog of the Week
This blog gets a huge number of hits. I'm not surprised- it has that morbid appeal of the old freak-shows.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
An new lot of pictures are posted every Sunday.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/
An new lot of pictures are posted every Sunday.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Moonbat Comment of the Week
Found this over at Kiwiblog on the 'Misleading Headline 2' post.
-----JURY TO DISREGARD-------
As someone who has been in prison - I think it would be better for everyone that they employ screws who did actually do a lag - it is the ultimate job experience. Someone with an understanding of the other side is psychologically and practically more equipped and to deal with the issues. It would be better for them to have a direct understanding of their "clients."Posted by t selwyn at January 22, 2006 12:28 AM
Yep, lets hand over the prison system to ex-inmates who, as we know are likely to be:
Illiterate
Drug abusers
Mentally unstable
Suffer from mental illness
Associated with a gang
(These are the 'excuses' THEY use for being there, remember)
I have met plenty of inmates who are none of these. Perverts excluded, they are a rather small minority of those residing inside.
If you think there is corruption now, you ain't seen nothing yet!
I used to understand them very well indeed- the majority had no morals, were liars and thieves and had the coping skills of a six-year old. Most of the rest were whiny cry-babies in total denial as to why they were there. ('that kid asked for it..' KF's)
There were a few that lost it in a moment of insanity or stupidity, having previously lead good lives, were truly remorseful and tried to quietly get on with doing their time.
Statistically, I suppose a few were in there through no fault of their own.
But back to the issue of hiring past inmates- Just leave the current government in. They are letting the crims run the prisons more, and more as they interfere with the running of these institutions they have never set foot in- forgetting the main purpose for a prison is to protect the law abiding citizens. Perhaps this is what T. Selwyn is meaning.
-----JURY TO DISREGARD-------
As someone who has been in prison - I think it would be better for everyone that they employ screws who did actually do a lag - it is the ultimate job experience. Someone with an understanding of the other side is psychologically and practically more equipped and to deal with the issues. It would be better for them to have a direct understanding of their "clients."Posted by t selwyn at January 22, 2006 12:28 AM
Yep, lets hand over the prison system to ex-inmates who, as we know are likely to be:
Illiterate
Drug abusers
Mentally unstable
Suffer from mental illness
Associated with a gang
(These are the 'excuses' THEY use for being there, remember)
I have met plenty of inmates who are none of these. Perverts excluded, they are a rather small minority of those residing inside.
If you think there is corruption now, you ain't seen nothing yet!
I used to understand them very well indeed- the majority had no morals, were liars and thieves and had the coping skills of a six-year old. Most of the rest were whiny cry-babies in total denial as to why they were there. ('that kid asked for it..' KF's)
There were a few that lost it in a moment of insanity or stupidity, having previously lead good lives, were truly remorseful and tried to quietly get on with doing their time.
Statistically, I suppose a few were in there through no fault of their own.
But back to the issue of hiring past inmates- Just leave the current government in. They are letting the crims run the prisons more, and more as they interfere with the running of these institutions they have never set foot in- forgetting the main purpose for a prison is to protect the law abiding citizens. Perhaps this is what T. Selwyn is meaning.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
The End of the Line facility- Part I
Reposted:
I have often heard the question 'What to do with recidivists and the nastiest types of criminal?'
Personally, I say hang them, but that doesn't sit well with many. OK- secure them and let them rot. Here is where I propose.
The ‘End of the Road’ facility for confirmed recidivist offenders.
The site is on the North Islands central plateau desert. The whole facility is in a restricted area, clearly sign posted. Any unauthorized person found in this zone is liable to a lengthy prison sentence and an unpleasant interrogation. The airspace above the facility is a no-fly zone. Aircraft ignoring radio calls may be fired on by surface to air missiles or heavy machine-gun.
The perimeter is quadruple fenced. Two six foot deer fences, the posts painted bright orange, marks the free fire zone. These are situated either side of the main security fence. 100 metres beyond the inner fence, are two six metre chain link fences, designed to keep persons out, as much as in. Topping the fences and in front of and between lie coils of razor wire. The area between the fences is sprayed to kill any plant growth. Seismic detectors are place to detect tunneling.
Access points are sited every along the perimeter. These gates are covered by surveillance towers. These are constructed from a large unclimbable metal tube, like those used in windmill generators. 12 metres above the ground machine guns are mounted to cover 360 degrees. IR, low-light, motion and a data link top the towers, which are designed to be used manned or by remote.
Close to the perimeter fence runs a road, which is constantly patrolled by foot and vehicle patrols. These patrols are authorized to fire on anyone within the free-fire zone. To avoid friendly fire, all authorized vehicles and personal carry IFF beacons and wear clothing with IR visible ID markings. This is a war zone and under martial law.
With a regular army and a police dog section as cadre run the security side of the operation, patrols are made up of defense and police staff doing tours of duty on a rota basis (Guards soon get bored with this sort of work, so we change them regularly) A heavy weapons and support team are equipped with LAV-3 vehicles.
There is one entry point for inmates. This is a concrete high security building that works as an ‘airlock’ for the prison. Police and prison vans are driven inside and the building secured before the inmates are individually moved for processing, which involves being searched externally and internally for contraband. Once they exit this building, the compound is their home for life.
An administration block and barracks, mess hall and recreation facility is attached but not accessible from this building. Part of the main service block contains interview and medical rooms that are accessible from the compound. These are also in ‘airlock’ style with four doors between the outside and any service room.
Facilities within the compound are spartan. Kitchen and ablution blocks are concrete and heavy steel . Barracks are steel framed, covered in corrugated iron and heated by wood stoves. There is no electricity. All heating is buy burning wood, which must be cut from the forestry block contained within the prison area. Most food is also grown and animals are raised. The only food provided from the outside are vitamin and mineral supplemented k-rations. Nutritious, but like eating soap.
Inmates are forbidden to remain inside during daylight and are forbidden to leave the huts during darkness. A bell is rung for changeover time. Anyone outside after hours is liable to be shot.
Periodic searches of all buildings are carried out by troops at company strength providing security, while specialist search teams comb the facility. All inmates must move to a inner barbed wire compound for this to be carried out. Any non-compliance is immediately meet by water cannon, tear gas or lethal force.
There is no contact with the outside world.
There is no hope of reprieve.
BTW, Footage of this facility is played at 'first offender' facilities and the nastier bits of life inside the wire are shown on TV. How's that for reality TV!
I have often heard the question 'What to do with recidivists and the nastiest types of criminal?'
Personally, I say hang them, but that doesn't sit well with many. OK- secure them and let them rot. Here is where I propose.
The ‘End of the Road’ facility for confirmed recidivist offenders.
The site is on the North Islands central plateau desert. The whole facility is in a restricted area, clearly sign posted. Any unauthorized person found in this zone is liable to a lengthy prison sentence and an unpleasant interrogation. The airspace above the facility is a no-fly zone. Aircraft ignoring radio calls may be fired on by surface to air missiles or heavy machine-gun.
The perimeter is quadruple fenced. Two six foot deer fences, the posts painted bright orange, marks the free fire zone. These are situated either side of the main security fence. 100 metres beyond the inner fence, are two six metre chain link fences, designed to keep persons out, as much as in. Topping the fences and in front of and between lie coils of razor wire. The area between the fences is sprayed to kill any plant growth. Seismic detectors are place to detect tunneling.
Access points are sited every along the perimeter. These gates are covered by surveillance towers. These are constructed from a large unclimbable metal tube, like those used in windmill generators. 12 metres above the ground machine guns are mounted to cover 360 degrees. IR, low-light, motion and a data link top the towers, which are designed to be used manned or by remote.
Close to the perimeter fence runs a road, which is constantly patrolled by foot and vehicle patrols. These patrols are authorized to fire on anyone within the free-fire zone. To avoid friendly fire, all authorized vehicles and personal carry IFF beacons and wear clothing with IR visible ID markings. This is a war zone and under martial law.
With a regular army and a police dog section as cadre run the security side of the operation, patrols are made up of defense and police staff doing tours of duty on a rota basis (Guards soon get bored with this sort of work, so we change them regularly) A heavy weapons and support team are equipped with LAV-3 vehicles.
There is one entry point for inmates. This is a concrete high security building that works as an ‘airlock’ for the prison. Police and prison vans are driven inside and the building secured before the inmates are individually moved for processing, which involves being searched externally and internally for contraband. Once they exit this building, the compound is their home for life.
An administration block and barracks, mess hall and recreation facility is attached but not accessible from this building. Part of the main service block contains interview and medical rooms that are accessible from the compound. These are also in ‘airlock’ style with four doors between the outside and any service room.
Facilities within the compound are spartan. Kitchen and ablution blocks are concrete and heavy steel . Barracks are steel framed, covered in corrugated iron and heated by wood stoves. There is no electricity. All heating is buy burning wood, which must be cut from the forestry block contained within the prison area. Most food is also grown and animals are raised. The only food provided from the outside are vitamin and mineral supplemented k-rations. Nutritious, but like eating soap.
Inmates are forbidden to remain inside during daylight and are forbidden to leave the huts during darkness. A bell is rung for changeover time. Anyone outside after hours is liable to be shot.
Periodic searches of all buildings are carried out by troops at company strength providing security, while specialist search teams comb the facility. All inmates must move to a inner barbed wire compound for this to be carried out. Any non-compliance is immediately meet by water cannon, tear gas or lethal force.
There is no contact with the outside world.
There is no hope of reprieve.
BTW, Footage of this facility is played at 'first offender' facilities and the nastier bits of life inside the wire are shown on TV. How's that for reality TV!
Sherrif Joe for PM!
Looking for a reply for another blog, I came across an old favorite:
http://www.mcso.org/index.asp
Here is a sherrif and sherrifs department that has it wired!
You can search pictures of the crims- imagine that here.
Chain gangs
Tent city prisons
20 cent meals
The website is a treasure trove of common sense, no bullshit, pollitically incorrect solutions to the problems we have here.
http://www.mcso.org/index.asp
Here is a sherrif and sherrifs department that has it wired!
You can search pictures of the crims- imagine that here.
Chain gangs
Tent city prisons
20 cent meals
The website is a treasure trove of common sense, no bullshit, pollitically incorrect solutions to the problems we have here.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Things you can't do/say when in the Armed Forces
1. Not allowed to watch South Park when I’m supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is ‘Specialist Schwarz’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play ‘Pulp Fiction’ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product ‘Get Over it’.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ‘Sic Brass!’
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that ‘We kicked your butt in World War II!’
27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after ‘Me frosted lucky charms’.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing ‘High Speed Dirt’ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (’See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker’)
36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).
37. Our medic is called ‘Sgt Larwasa’, not ‘Dr. Feelgood’.
38. Our supply Sgt is ‘Sgt Watkins’ not ‘Sugar Daddy’.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. ‘Keep on Trucking’ is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to ‘Go to Bragg boulevard and *due to popular demand…removed….*
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use *BLEEEP* as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for ‘magic beans’.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote ‘Dr Seuss’ on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell ‘Take that Cobra’ at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote ‘Full Metal Jacket ‘ at the rifle range.
54. ‘Napalm sticks to kids’ is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to ‘Put Kiwi on my boots’ does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to ‘Make my Boots black and shiny’ does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not ‘Why?’
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, * umm….*, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, *some dirty vietnam thing* , or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. ‘The Giant Space Ants’ are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you’.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime’ campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers’.
69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad’. This one is still funny…
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about…."
84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish’ things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor’.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom’.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad’.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection. This one’s still funny because it’s makin' fun of all them rednecks. I love makin fun of rednecks. Speakin of…I’ll post a little story from Basic that was pretty funny…
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo’ is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. ‘Redneck Zombies’ is not a military training aid.97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.’
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
142. ‘Calvin-Ball’ is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a ‘range card’ by my window.
144. ‘K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free’ is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke®.
148. Putting red ‘Mike and Ike’s’® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is ‘Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir’ not ‘You can’t prove a thing!’
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to ‘guard the flight line’.
154. Shouldn’t treat ‘bottles’ with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.*Just innappropriate…*
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
165. I do not get ‘that time of month’.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* ‘especially patriotic films’.
170. Not allowed to ‘defect’ to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.
172. ‘A full magazine(.45 GAP of course) and some privacy’ is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).
175. We do not ‘charge into battle, naked, like the Celts’.
176. **Due to popular demand…removed as well….man, where do you get this stuff?
177. I am not to refer to a formation as ‘the boxy rectangle thingie’.
179. On Army documents, my race is not ‘Other’.
180. Nor is it ‘Secretariat, in the third’
.181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for ‘wall-to-wall counseling’.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups®.
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something ‘I saw in a cartoon’.185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to ‘Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn’. (repeat)
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not ‘That’s what you think’.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing ‘Henry the VIII I am’ until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a ‘Coup’ during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I ‘just happen’ to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car….heheh… still funny, Mom can ground me on leave when I get home.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. ‘To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration." ( Hmmm…this one’s close…)205.
Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.* More Innappropriatenicities….wait…is that spelt right?*
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*
.210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
2. My proper military title is ‘Specialist Schwarz’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play ‘Pulp Fiction’ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product ‘Get Over it’.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ‘Sic Brass!’
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that ‘We kicked your butt in World War II!’
27. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after ‘Me frosted lucky charms’.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing ‘High Speed Dirt’ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (’See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker’)
36. Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn’t over).
37. Our medic is called ‘Sgt Larwasa’, not ‘Dr. Feelgood’.
38. Our supply Sgt is ‘Sgt Watkins’ not ‘Sugar Daddy’.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. ‘Keep on Trucking’ is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind’s baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to ‘Go to Bragg boulevard and *due to popular demand…removed….*
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use *BLEEEP* as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for ‘magic beans’.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote ‘Dr Seuss’ on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell ‘Take that Cobra’ at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote ‘Full Metal Jacket ‘ at the rifle range.
54. ‘Napalm sticks to kids’ is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to ‘Put Kiwi on my boots’ does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to ‘Make my Boots black and shiny’ does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not ‘Why?’
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, * umm….*, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Eskimo Nell, we’ve all got jackboots now, *some dirty vietnam thing* , or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. ‘The Giant Space Ants’ are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you’.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime’ campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers’.
69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad’. This one is still funny…
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about…."
84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish’ things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor’.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom’.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad’.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection. This one’s still funny because it’s makin' fun of all them rednecks. I love makin fun of rednecks. Speakin of…I’ll post a little story from Basic that was pretty funny…
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo’ is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. ‘Redneck Zombies’ is not a military training aid.97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.’
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh…sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
142. ‘Calvin-Ball’ is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a ‘range card’ by my window.
144. ‘K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free’ is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke®.
148. Putting red ‘Mike and Ike’s’® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is ‘Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir’ not ‘You can’t prove a thing!’
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to ‘guard the flight line’.
154. Shouldn’t treat ‘bottles’ with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.*Just innappropriate…*
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
165. I do not get ‘that time of month’.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* ‘especially patriotic films’.
170. Not allowed to ‘defect’ to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.
172. ‘A full magazine(.45 GAP of course) and some privacy’ is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear, I did not make that up, it’s actually DOD policy).
175. We do not ‘charge into battle, naked, like the Celts’.
176. **Due to popular demand…removed as well….man, where do you get this stuff?
177. I am not to refer to a formation as ‘the boxy rectangle thingie’.
179. On Army documents, my race is not ‘Other’.
180. Nor is it ‘Secretariat, in the third’
.181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for ‘wall-to-wall counseling’.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups®.
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something ‘I saw in a cartoon’.185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to ‘Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn’. (repeat)
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not ‘That’s what you think’.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn’t use Photoshop® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing ‘Henry the VIII I am’ until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a ‘Coup’ during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I ‘just happen’ to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car….heheh… still funny, Mom can ground me on leave when I get home.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. ‘To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration." ( Hmmm…this one’s close…)205.
Don’t write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.* More Innappropriatenicities….wait…is that spelt right?*
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civilians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*
.210. Must not make T-shirts up depicting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don’t ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.
Wannabe Hobby Farmers!
I have just finished dropping a block of 'firewood trees' The trick with a firewood block is you cut the trees down when they are relatively young ESPECIALLY then they are fricken Gums!
You don't leave them in until the bastards are 600mm across! When they are 150-250 mm in diameter, they are easy to cut up into two metre lengths and put through a firewood saw.
When they are the same size as the main guns on the friggin Bismark, they have to be cut up with a chainsaw and split. This is much harder work and cuts into my drinking time.
It wasn't so bad in the days when I had two working hands.
These bloody townies that come out here buying lifestyle blocks are creating a lot of local work- that is the up-side. Fixing their damn fool mistakes usually.
Generally thay aren't too bad, just green as grass. After a very short time, they discover that a ride-on mower doesn't last long topping 10 hectares, small flocks of sheep(and most animals) cost more than they are worth and that the fences that looked fine when they brought the place are, in fact, crap.
Then there are the other type. They complian about cow shit on the road- a gravel road FFS!, rabbit shooting, milkshed lights and noise, the smell of silage...
Fuckwits!
You don't leave them in until the bastards are 600mm across! When they are 150-250 mm in diameter, they are easy to cut up into two metre lengths and put through a firewood saw.
When they are the same size as the main guns on the friggin Bismark, they have to be cut up with a chainsaw and split. This is much harder work and cuts into my drinking time.
It wasn't so bad in the days when I had two working hands.
These bloody townies that come out here buying lifestyle blocks are creating a lot of local work- that is the up-side. Fixing their damn fool mistakes usually.
Generally thay aren't too bad, just green as grass. After a very short time, they discover that a ride-on mower doesn't last long topping 10 hectares, small flocks of sheep(and most animals) cost more than they are worth and that the fences that looked fine when they brought the place are, in fact, crap.
Then there are the other type. They complian about cow shit on the road- a gravel road FFS!, rabbit shooting, milkshed lights and noise, the smell of silage...
Fuckwits!
Site makeover
A big Hat-Tip to the good people from GenerationXY for this makeover, especially Townie Fella who cleaned up my template and did the Header Graphics!
They are worth their weight in poteen!
Slonshal!
They are worth their weight in poteen!
Slonshal!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
My new 'Reality' TV Concept
A mention of 'The Running Man on kiwiblog reminded me of an old MSN post:
Welcome to.... Degradation Island!
Today all clothing was removed overnight and replaced with sackcloth. A 'fountain' has appeared in the kitchen area. This life-size replica of Benito Mussolini will dispense a reasonable chardonnay when it's genitalia are manipulated correctly.
10 cubic metres of well-matured rubbish form the local tip as arrived in the yard and must be hand-sorted and bagged for recycling before the showers will be turned on. Hidden in this pile are cans of food, with the labels removed.
The toilet paper has disappeared and has been replaced with newspaper..
tomorrow we bring you "Grovelling for Dollars"!
The game: Plastic bones must be taken from a dog's bowl one one side of the mud wallow, to a dog's kennel on the other side of the wallow. Each bone retrieved gains $20 bucks to the contestants account!
Now the conditions: 1-Bone must be carried in the mouth. 2- the torso must remain in contact with the mud. 3- the legs are tied at the ankles. Game lasts four hours- will their greed go the distance?
Otherwise, to enhance voyeuristic interest in sordid public displays of affection, oil of ylang-ylang has been added to the air conditioning and ginseng and royal jelly supplements have been provided, along with paperback copies of "The Story of O". Ravel's "Bolero" is played subliminally......
tomorrow:
Alternative protein sources save money.
Eating Invertebrates for dollars!
The stakes are high- $1 per gram!
A choice smorgasboard of honeyed Locusts, chocolate cicada, stir-fried worms, Huhu grubs au natural, candied starfish, braised limpits, sea cucumbers and all the other delights our chef Mr Arigato Banzi Deathstar can concoct....
In keeping with this theme, out 'Boss of the week" will dine on Lobster, oysters and Whitebait.
Those wishing to to forgo this delightful repast may grovel before the webcams. Highest polling victim, errr, contestant gets a Happy Meal.
Several contestant have been talking about who to vote out IN BREACH OF THE RULES .
Here on degradation Island, when ONE screws up, we punish EVERYONE!
Overalls with a target between the shoulderblades have been issued. Also, everyone gets a paintball gun with 20 rounds! I guess you can guess that the one who gets the most points(scored on the target) gets Da Boot!
You are exempt being shot at when you are naked...
You get the concept?
Feel free to add on.
The rights are available at a very reasonable price!
Welcome to.... Degradation Island!
Today all clothing was removed overnight and replaced with sackcloth. A 'fountain' has appeared in the kitchen area. This life-size replica of Benito Mussolini will dispense a reasonable chardonnay when it's genitalia are manipulated correctly.
10 cubic metres of well-matured rubbish form the local tip as arrived in the yard and must be hand-sorted and bagged for recycling before the showers will be turned on. Hidden in this pile are cans of food, with the labels removed.
The toilet paper has disappeared and has been replaced with newspaper..
tomorrow we bring you "Grovelling for Dollars"!
The game: Plastic bones must be taken from a dog's bowl one one side of the mud wallow, to a dog's kennel on the other side of the wallow. Each bone retrieved gains $20 bucks to the contestants account!
Now the conditions: 1-Bone must be carried in the mouth. 2- the torso must remain in contact with the mud. 3- the legs are tied at the ankles. Game lasts four hours- will their greed go the distance?
Otherwise, to enhance voyeuristic interest in sordid public displays of affection, oil of ylang-ylang has been added to the air conditioning and ginseng and royal jelly supplements have been provided, along with paperback copies of "The Story of O". Ravel's "Bolero" is played subliminally......
tomorrow:
Alternative protein sources save money.
Eating Invertebrates for dollars!
The stakes are high- $1 per gram!
A choice smorgasboard of honeyed Locusts, chocolate cicada, stir-fried worms, Huhu grubs au natural, candied starfish, braised limpits, sea cucumbers and all the other delights our chef Mr Arigato Banzi Deathstar can concoct....
In keeping with this theme, out 'Boss of the week" will dine on Lobster, oysters and Whitebait.
Those wishing to to forgo this delightful repast may grovel before the webcams. Highest polling victim, errr, contestant gets a Happy Meal.
Several contestant have been talking about who to vote out IN BREACH OF THE RULES .
Here on degradation Island, when ONE screws up, we punish EVERYONE!
Overalls with a target between the shoulderblades have been issued. Also, everyone gets a paintball gun with 20 rounds! I guess you can guess that the one who gets the most points(scored on the target) gets Da Boot!
You are exempt being shot at when you are naked...
You get the concept?
Feel free to add on.
The rights are available at a very reasonable price!
The Problem with Drugs
Prohibition.
The price goes through the roof, you have to deal with unsavoury types to get them and often as not wind up stealing to pay for them.
OK, so take away prohibition and sell them as we do alcohol, tobacco and OTC medicine. The price plummets and there is no need to deal with the lowlife that currently supply most of today's market.
The criminal element has just lost it's major source of income- with it their power.
The police are now freed to get on with pursuing crimes against victims. This includes those still stealing to buy their now legal drugs. This will also make it harder for them to directly exchange stolen goods for drugs.
Sounds too simple, doesn't it.
There are other issues.
The naysayers point out the problems we currently have with alcohol abuse and drink-related problems we have now, particularly in youth.
They have a very valid point.
What has been understated by those of us who support the legalising of all drugs is that with an ADULT'S RIGHT to put what you want into their body, They must totally accept the RESPONSIBILITY for that action.
They will pay more for health and life insurance, or be excluded.
They will collect harder penalties for crimes committed under the influence.
Also, they must be protection for minor children. Selling/ supplying drugs to them will attract stiff penalties.
The price goes through the roof, you have to deal with unsavoury types to get them and often as not wind up stealing to pay for them.
OK, so take away prohibition and sell them as we do alcohol, tobacco and OTC medicine. The price plummets and there is no need to deal with the lowlife that currently supply most of today's market.
The criminal element has just lost it's major source of income- with it their power.
The police are now freed to get on with pursuing crimes against victims. This includes those still stealing to buy their now legal drugs. This will also make it harder for them to directly exchange stolen goods for drugs.
Sounds too simple, doesn't it.
There are other issues.
The naysayers point out the problems we currently have with alcohol abuse and drink-related problems we have now, particularly in youth.
They have a very valid point.
What has been understated by those of us who support the legalising of all drugs is that with an ADULT'S RIGHT to put what you want into their body, They must totally accept the RESPONSIBILITY for that action.
They will pay more for health and life insurance, or be excluded.
They will collect harder penalties for crimes committed under the influence.
Also, they must be protection for minor children. Selling/ supplying drugs to them will attract stiff penalties.
Off-beat movie of the week
Zardoz- 1974- starring Sean Connery
A huge flying stone head that spits out guns and such lines as 'The Gun is good, The Penis is bad'
This one is a doozy!
I recommend the cosumption of mind-altering substances before viewing. (That being what makes a lot of 70's movies work!)
If you have seen it, a humourous recap can be found here:
http://www.agonybooth.com/zardoz/default.asp?Page=1
A huge flying stone head that spits out guns and such lines as 'The Gun is good, The Penis is bad'
This one is a doozy!
I recommend the cosumption of mind-altering substances before viewing. (That being what makes a lot of 70's movies work!)
If you have seen it, a humourous recap can be found here:
http://www.agonybooth.com/zardoz/default.asp?Page=1
Copyright for my material
I have recently been asked for permission to quote/post material from my blog.
The answer is YES, as long as there is a link or acknowledgement somewhere on the site.
I write this stuff to be read and entertain and the further it spreads, the better- provided my ego is suitably inflated by being given credit for my work.
Go for it!
"If there is anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now!"- Zaphod Beeblebrox.
The answer is YES, as long as there is a link or acknowledgement somewhere on the site.
I write this stuff to be read and entertain and the further it spreads, the better- provided my ego is suitably inflated by being given credit for my work.
Go for it!
"If there is anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now!"- Zaphod Beeblebrox.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Ron Mark strikes the right note
I like Ron Mark, for all that I disagree with a lot of what his party touts- he is the worker of the party and in my opinion, the backbone. I knew him personally before he got into politics- he was the lieutenant least likely to be shot in the back by his own troops!
Today he gets stuck into deadbeat parents and feral children:
WairarapaTimes Age
I'm not impressed with the bit about extra funding for Maori Wardens. I'm against anything being run on racial lines. Give the funding to the police, who may want to open specialist roles for kiddy policing- a sort of social worker with some police powers. The current Maori wardens should apply for these positions. They sound like they should do well in the role.
But here is credit for proposing something- anything- to deal with a rising problem. Out of control dirtbag kids, backed up by bleeding heart lawyers. All rights with no responsibilities.
Most of the 122 seat warmers are too craven to so much as make a suggestion...
Today he gets stuck into deadbeat parents and feral children:
WairarapaTimes Age
I'm not impressed with the bit about extra funding for Maori Wardens. I'm against anything being run on racial lines. Give the funding to the police, who may want to open specialist roles for kiddy policing- a sort of social worker with some police powers. The current Maori wardens should apply for these positions. They sound like they should do well in the role.
But here is credit for proposing something- anything- to deal with a rising problem. Out of control dirtbag kids, backed up by bleeding heart lawyers. All rights with no responsibilities.
Most of the 122 seat warmers are too craven to so much as make a suggestion...
Website of the week
'If men have all the power, how come women make the rules"
This site is priceless! You won't find a copy of this book in a library near you. It's too hot for the shops to handle, as well.
Jack Kammer dissects the sisterhood's propaganda brilliantly! Best of all, all he asks in payment for downloading a copy of his book, is that you write a bit of feedback for his work- Just a one-liner is fine. He happily accepts money, too!
http://www.rulymob.com/
This site is priceless! You won't find a copy of this book in a library near you. It's too hot for the shops to handle, as well.
Jack Kammer dissects the sisterhood's propaganda brilliantly! Best of all, all he asks in payment for downloading a copy of his book, is that you write a bit of feedback for his work- Just a one-liner is fine. He happily accepts money, too!
http://www.rulymob.com/
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Democracy is like gun ownership
It's a real good idea, but should not be available to all and sundry.
As with poteen, democracy is best watered down!
And like gun ownership, it should be the privilege (and the right) of those citizens of good standing in the community. Not for all-comers.
There needs to be a criteria meet, to be a voter.
To own a gun, a citizen needs to be of good character- someone who has never been convicted of a serious crime.
To have a vote, a citizen should also have never been convicted of a serious offence. Furthermore, the citizen should have a vested interest in society. They should own or share title in a property.
On the subject of the criteria for becoming a voting citizen, I would also like to see them having doing time in a public service. As an aside, this could be an option to wiping a student loan debt. Armed forces, civil defense, ambulance, fire service- there are many options.
The criteria could well take other forms, but a screening process to eliminate the non-productive
is needed. The vote for all leads to 'Bread and Circuses'
Know anywhere this is happening?
As with poteen, democracy is best watered down!
And like gun ownership, it should be the privilege (and the right) of those citizens of good standing in the community. Not for all-comers.
There needs to be a criteria meet, to be a voter.
To own a gun, a citizen needs to be of good character- someone who has never been convicted of a serious crime.
To have a vote, a citizen should also have never been convicted of a serious offence. Furthermore, the citizen should have a vested interest in society. They should own or share title in a property.
On the subject of the criteria for becoming a voting citizen, I would also like to see them having doing time in a public service. As an aside, this could be an option to wiping a student loan debt. Armed forces, civil defense, ambulance, fire service- there are many options.
The criteria could well take other forms, but a screening process to eliminate the non-productive
is needed. The vote for all leads to 'Bread and Circuses'
Know anywhere this is happening?
Monday, January 16, 2006
Crime & Punishment
Reposted:
Apart from a few pre-election posturing sessions, I have seen little policy on addressing crime in NZ.
There is a bit of huffing and puffing about more police and longer sentences- that's about it.
If readers that belong to the political parties take exception, I would point out that if you DO have such policies, you have failed to promote them effectively.
OK, so how about some ideas- I have been freely criticizing, but I also have some solutions for your consideration.
1- Get police policing, not paper-filing and entering data for national office.
2- Get police out of traffic enforcement and regain some respect from the public.
3- Go after crimes with victims. Forget about possession/cultivating cannabis. The lib's have got this right! Go hard on those selling drugs to minors, though.
4- Arm all police with lethal and non-lethal alternatives. Regarding non-lethal- don't try to re- invent the wheel, this stuff has been used for decades overseas.
5- The Judiciary to take direction from their masters. The citizens of NZ, via government.
6- The position of Judge should be a profession in itself, not a lawyers perk.
7- Offenders and punishment- there are steps needed short of imprisonment. Young and first time minor offenders should take their punishment in the full public eye.
Dayglo overalls and chains- being clearly seen by the public do be paying for what they have done. And hopefully shamed by it!
Learn from this!
8- Imprisonment
The reality is that prison (as we have now) is a soul-destroying, harsh and Spartan place. To decent, well-adjusted person, that is. To the revolving door inmate, it's no big deal- the drugs just cost more and the sex is...Different. To modify their behavior, prison has to be a less attractive alternative to the outside. Thus a stricter (not harsher, there is a difference) routine, the minimal privileges earned by hard work and good behavior, not 'as a right.' Privileges, for example, being a job that is out of the weather, a monthly phone call or 'visit', via video link.
Hard?
You bet!
As the old line goes "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime"
9- Confirmed recidivists
The End Of The Road.
A containment facility for confirmed recidivist offenders.
Sited on a bleak off-shore island, this facility is generally reserved for those who have been sentenced to a third term of imprisonment or those convicted of an offense which could currently warrant preventitive detention. A jury must unanimously vote to approve this sentence.
The few buildings are concrete ablution facilities, bunkhouses and guardtowers.
The perimeter is patrolled and secured. Inside the electrified razor wire, the inmates are left to their own devices. Basic subsistence supplies are delivered to the compound. There is no electricity, Water goes in, sewerage goes out.
Selected video footage is displayed at the first offenders facility.
The only way out is to opt for voluntary euthanasia.
10- Why- What we are doing now just isn't working well enough. Rehabilitation is a crock of shit. Maybe it works in the same way a thousand monkeys banging on typewriters will occasionaly produce the odd word.
When is a crim rehabilitated?- when he decides he doesn't want to do the prison thing anymore. Simple as that.
The bleeding hearts have been experimenting and spouting psychobabble for years to no avail. The old hard routine at least had a bit more deterrent value.
These aren't theories just dreamed up, but observations from my time as a Prison Officer. Trust me, the crims are laughing on the way to their rehab. programs about how this is only for the parole board. They are laughing at you weak people- the prey. That is what they call you.
But really the bottom line is not rehab. That must come from within. The bottom line is the public must be protected. It's expensive, for sure, but the cost of having a recidivist criminal on the loose is higher. Take a look at the figures here:
http://www.safe-nz.org.nz/Articles/lock.htm
Finally- The Death Penalty.
I say yes, for the worst types of murderer- the US would say first-degree murderer. Then only when the evidence is hard physical evidence. DNA match, multiple eye-witnesses or video capture. Then only after a set period of imprisonment, say-five years to allow for appeal (and time to contemplate their actions and the consequences)
This is a quick glimpse into my world of Crime and Punishment- there is plenty more...
Apart from a few pre-election posturing sessions, I have seen little policy on addressing crime in NZ.
There is a bit of huffing and puffing about more police and longer sentences- that's about it.
If readers that belong to the political parties take exception, I would point out that if you DO have such policies, you have failed to promote them effectively.
OK, so how about some ideas- I have been freely criticizing, but I also have some solutions for your consideration.
1- Get police policing, not paper-filing and entering data for national office.
2- Get police out of traffic enforcement and regain some respect from the public.
3- Go after crimes with victims. Forget about possession/cultivating cannabis. The lib's have got this right! Go hard on those selling drugs to minors, though.
4- Arm all police with lethal and non-lethal alternatives. Regarding non-lethal- don't try to re- invent the wheel, this stuff has been used for decades overseas.
5- The Judiciary to take direction from their masters. The citizens of NZ, via government.
6- The position of Judge should be a profession in itself, not a lawyers perk.
7- Offenders and punishment- there are steps needed short of imprisonment. Young and first time minor offenders should take their punishment in the full public eye.
Dayglo overalls and chains- being clearly seen by the public do be paying for what they have done. And hopefully shamed by it!
Learn from this!
8- Imprisonment
The reality is that prison (as we have now) is a soul-destroying, harsh and Spartan place. To decent, well-adjusted person, that is. To the revolving door inmate, it's no big deal- the drugs just cost more and the sex is...Different. To modify their behavior, prison has to be a less attractive alternative to the outside. Thus a stricter (not harsher, there is a difference) routine, the minimal privileges earned by hard work and good behavior, not 'as a right.' Privileges, for example, being a job that is out of the weather, a monthly phone call or 'visit', via video link.
Hard?
You bet!
As the old line goes "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime"
9- Confirmed recidivists
The End Of The Road.
A containment facility for confirmed recidivist offenders.
Sited on a bleak off-shore island, this facility is generally reserved for those who have been sentenced to a third term of imprisonment or those convicted of an offense which could currently warrant preventitive detention. A jury must unanimously vote to approve this sentence.
The few buildings are concrete ablution facilities, bunkhouses and guardtowers.
The perimeter is patrolled and secured. Inside the electrified razor wire, the inmates are left to their own devices. Basic subsistence supplies are delivered to the compound. There is no electricity, Water goes in, sewerage goes out.
Selected video footage is displayed at the first offenders facility.
The only way out is to opt for voluntary euthanasia.
10- Why- What we are doing now just isn't working well enough. Rehabilitation is a crock of shit. Maybe it works in the same way a thousand monkeys banging on typewriters will occasionaly produce the odd word.
When is a crim rehabilitated?- when he decides he doesn't want to do the prison thing anymore. Simple as that.
The bleeding hearts have been experimenting and spouting psychobabble for years to no avail. The old hard routine at least had a bit more deterrent value.
These aren't theories just dreamed up, but observations from my time as a Prison Officer. Trust me, the crims are laughing on the way to their rehab. programs about how this is only for the parole board. They are laughing at you weak people- the prey. That is what they call you.
But really the bottom line is not rehab. That must come from within. The bottom line is the public must be protected. It's expensive, for sure, but the cost of having a recidivist criminal on the loose is higher. Take a look at the figures here:
http://www.safe-nz.org.nz/Articles/lock.htm
Finally- The Death Penalty.
I say yes, for the worst types of murderer- the US would say first-degree murderer. Then only when the evidence is hard physical evidence. DNA match, multiple eye-witnesses or video capture. Then only after a set period of imprisonment, say-five years to allow for appeal (and time to contemplate their actions and the consequences)
This is a quick glimpse into my world of Crime and Punishment- there is plenty more...
Weird Blog of the Week
The other day I said blogging represents the whole human condition. Here's one from the edge of the bell-shaped curve!
http://horsehater.blogspot.com/
It's quite possible he has issues with horses. Tons of material for those who follow Freud.
http://horsehater.blogspot.com/
It's quite possible he has issues with horses. Tons of material for those who follow Freud.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Deborah Coddington's Ranting
If the discussions on New Zealand political blogsites indicate the quality of political debate in this country our intelligentsia is in a parlous state.
More:
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/search/story.cfm?storyid=00090745-C39E-13C8-8ACA83027AF1010F
I don't have the luxury of a proof reader to pick up my typos. I don't get paid (this costs me money) for writing either. I would have put a comma between 'country' and 'our', mind.
I am flattered to find myself in the intelligentsia, though. Not too flattered, as most of the great unwashed make Mr Blobby look like Oscar Wilde.
She may have been unfortunate in striking Millsy, but I thought she would have met far worse in parliament. I have personally heard MP's come out with some fairly foul personal abuse!
It's useful to know the caliber of some of these extremist nutbars out there- If I hadn't meet them here and on previous forums, I would have doubted they existed in real life. Deborah Coddington may do well to spend more time in here and see what type of people make up the big wide world outside of her circle. In the same way all lawmakers should spend time working in a prison- as a lowly Corrections Officer...
As I see it, blogging is a reflection on society- there are all types out there from Saints to Sphincters- and all the shades in between. What she chose to focus on- personal abuse- this goes on in real life. Does she also wish for our private conversations to be moderated, because I'm hearing the same stuff there? One would hope not...
Or are these speculations just side issues. Could the real issue be that journo's hate us taking attention from the card-carrying union members- are we a threat- I'm seeing more attacks on bloggers, while they simultaneously try to say we are irrelevant?- I wonder...
More:
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/search/story.cfm?storyid=00090745-C39E-13C8-8ACA83027AF1010F
I don't have the luxury of a proof reader to pick up my typos. I don't get paid (this costs me money) for writing either. I would have put a comma between 'country' and 'our', mind.
I am flattered to find myself in the intelligentsia, though. Not too flattered, as most of the great unwashed make Mr Blobby look like Oscar Wilde.
She may have been unfortunate in striking Millsy, but I thought she would have met far worse in parliament. I have personally heard MP's come out with some fairly foul personal abuse!
It's useful to know the caliber of some of these extremist nutbars out there- If I hadn't meet them here and on previous forums, I would have doubted they existed in real life. Deborah Coddington may do well to spend more time in here and see what type of people make up the big wide world outside of her circle. In the same way all lawmakers should spend time working in a prison- as a lowly Corrections Officer...
As I see it, blogging is a reflection on society- there are all types out there from Saints to Sphincters- and all the shades in between. What she chose to focus on- personal abuse- this goes on in real life. Does she also wish for our private conversations to be moderated, because I'm hearing the same stuff there? One would hope not...
Or are these speculations just side issues. Could the real issue be that journo's hate us taking attention from the card-carrying union members- are we a threat- I'm seeing more attacks on bloggers, while they simultaneously try to say we are irrelevant?- I wonder...
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Thought for today
Some people are like a Slinky...
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Friday, January 13, 2006
'Sensitive' Special Forces Sniper
December 9, 2005 (CNN)
While interviewing an anonymous US Special Forces soldier on his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when shooting members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and replied, "Recoil."
While interviewing an anonymous US Special Forces soldier on his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when shooting members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and replied, "Recoil."
Thursday, January 12, 2006
An Asset Wasted
GOOSE hunters in Wairarapa are outraged at what they believe is a secret plan by New Zealand Fish and Game to cull 800 Canada geese at Lake Wairarapa this week.
Neil Hayes, of Carterton, said yesterday he had got wind of the plan, which he said proved to hunters that Fish and Game could only manage bird populations "by default".
"If a cull is necessary – and we don't believe it is – it should be done in a sporting manner with all gamlicensece holders given the opportunity to participate."
More:
http://www.times-age.co.nz/localnews/storydisplay.cfm?storyid=3668040&thesection=localnews&thesubsection=&thesecondsubsection=
Some cretins couldn't organise a piss-up in the proverbial brewery! Can they perhaps not see that people would be willing to pay money to shoot the damn things? (Which are like eating a boiled gumboot, BTW)
As said later in the article, people from the states pay big money to come out here and shoot stuff- it's not just geese but deer, thar and an assortment of other animals that our taxes are used to destroy as pests.
Sure, they are pests but why not make a dollar out of getting rid of them?
The only thing that got deer really under control, was when they became worth money to shoot and capture. People making money got the job done.
Neil Hayes, of Carterton, said yesterday he had got wind of the plan, which he said proved to hunters that Fish and Game could only manage bird populations "by default".
"If a cull is necessary – and we don't believe it is – it should be done in a sporting manner with all gamlicensece holders given the opportunity to participate."
More:
http://www.times-age.co.nz/localnews/storydisplay.cfm?storyid=3668040&thesection=localnews&thesubsection=&thesecondsubsection=
Some cretins couldn't organise a piss-up in the proverbial brewery! Can they perhaps not see that people would be willing to pay money to shoot the damn things? (Which are like eating a boiled gumboot, BTW)
As said later in the article, people from the states pay big money to come out here and shoot stuff- it's not just geese but deer, thar and an assortment of other animals that our taxes are used to destroy as pests.
Sure, they are pests but why not make a dollar out of getting rid of them?
The only thing that got deer really under control, was when they became worth money to shoot and capture. People making money got the job done.
My summer project
Just about finished framing up another very similar, except that one is a farm shed.
This one is hidden away out the back of nowhere, far from the eyes of building inspectors and other busybodies.
So far, I have cleared the gorse and marked out the site- I have to finish the jobs I have already started before building this!
Pot belly stove, solar powered lights, a stream big enough to get wet in one minute away- and plenty of empty whiskey bottles to put candles in!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Feckin' template
My bloody sidebar is buried under the main body of the blog and I can't get it back!
Can anyone please help someone who is greatly ignorant on these matters!
Much appreciated!
Can anyone please help someone who is greatly ignorant on these matters!
Much appreciated!
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Dang Internet Tests!
Asses WildRaw score: 44% Big Breasts, 54% Big Ass, and 36% Cute!
Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, larger asses, and sexier composure than others who've taken the test.
Note that because you scored small on breasts but large on ass size, it might appear you like girls bottom heavy. That's probably not the case. What's more likely is that you notice curvy, voluptuous asses, and they turn you on. Breasts are hit or miss, though, and besides, extremely large ones are just saggy and gross, in your opinion.
My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your lower than average score suggests you appreciate a sluttier look. Kudos!
Recommended Celebrity: J-Lo, when she's looking extra sexy. Probably not when she's acting.
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 37% on tit-size
You scored higher than 62% on ass-size
You scored higher than 10% on cuteness
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=15912893200295081418
Light Entertainment
I'm moving my first book to this address:
http://medlersintime.blogspot.com/
I will be putting a thousand or so words on each day ( I have to do a little editing for this format, so it will appear as a serial)
Don't expect some kind of literary masterpiece- my thing is 'Boy's Own Adventure' for modern boys and my demographic is teens to late twenties.
Lots of lawlessness, guns, drinking, shooting natives, piracy, big trucks and equipment, a smattering of futuristic technology and a tiny bit of sex, here and there!
The story unravels as it goes, with many questions the reader may have being answered towards the end. The book is stand-alone, but a sequel is currently underway (58k words)
Anyway, it's there, it's free to read- enjoy!
http://medlersintime.blogspot.com/
I will be putting a thousand or so words on each day ( I have to do a little editing for this format, so it will appear as a serial)
Don't expect some kind of literary masterpiece- my thing is 'Boy's Own Adventure' for modern boys and my demographic is teens to late twenties.
Lots of lawlessness, guns, drinking, shooting natives, piracy, big trucks and equipment, a smattering of futuristic technology and a tiny bit of sex, here and there!
The story unravels as it goes, with many questions the reader may have being answered towards the end. The book is stand-alone, but a sequel is currently underway (58k words)
Anyway, it's there, it's free to read- enjoy!
Friday, January 06, 2006
On lighting fires
One the above subject, I recently heard a story typifying this country's slow suffocation under the ever increasing weight of red tape.
It appears that a local lawnmower/gardener type person wanted to have a small bonfire, to burn off a pile of trimmings from some trees he had been working on. Being a community-minded type of chap, he applied for the appropriate permit and received it.
On the due day, with the weather right and the wing low, he set fire to the pile. Shortly after, the fire brigade arrived and put it out. Somebody had complained about the fire.
'No problem', said the firemen, when the permit was produced- 'you can light it again as soon as we leave, but if we are called out again, we have to come and put it out. You can keep doing that as often as you like, as you have done the right thing and obtained a permit- because you have done that, there will be no charge.'
And to think we make jokes about the Irish...
It appears that a local lawnmower/gardener type person wanted to have a small bonfire, to burn off a pile of trimmings from some trees he had been working on. Being a community-minded type of chap, he applied for the appropriate permit and received it.
On the due day, with the weather right and the wing low, he set fire to the pile. Shortly after, the fire brigade arrived and put it out. Somebody had complained about the fire.
'No problem', said the firemen, when the permit was produced- 'you can light it again as soon as we leave, but if we are called out again, we have to come and put it out. You can keep doing that as often as you like, as you have done the right thing and obtained a permit- because you have done that, there will be no charge.'
And to think we make jokes about the Irish...
Thursday, January 05, 2006
An Observation on Blogging
I follow predominantly right-wing and libertarian blogs. The lefty ones tend to be full of stuff I have no interest in or believe to be bullshit, so I avoid them. Occasionally, I follow a link to an amusing piece of hypocrisy or bullshit. I very rarely bother with comments, then only with bloggers I have known from way back in MSN days.
They have their blogs to spout their stuff in and I have no need to point out the errors of their ways, as I see them. Like teaching a pig to whistle, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Why is it they feel an need- no compulsion, to attack the right wing blogs continally. I could understand them doing that on their own blogs- that's what they are for, but why the need to flood the comments section?
The posts are either:
1- personal attacks
2- long-winded cut& pastes
3- almost never an intelligent debate of the issue- just a 'you are wrong' based on moral issues.
4- devoid of any humour.
The word compulsion probably is the key to it- the left are fascinated with it.
One thing I have learned- reasoned debate is a waste of time- just kick them in their vestigial balls!
They have their blogs to spout their stuff in and I have no need to point out the errors of their ways, as I see them. Like teaching a pig to whistle, it wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Why is it they feel an need- no compulsion, to attack the right wing blogs continally. I could understand them doing that on their own blogs- that's what they are for, but why the need to flood the comments section?
The posts are either:
1- personal attacks
2- long-winded cut& pastes
3- almost never an intelligent debate of the issue- just a 'you are wrong' based on moral issues.
4- devoid of any humour.
The word compulsion probably is the key to it- the left are fascinated with it.
One thing I have learned- reasoned debate is a waste of time- just kick them in their vestigial balls!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Sunday, January 01, 2006
A Day at the Races
Race day at Tauherenikau tommorrow. I'm probably in the ambulance that chases the horses around the track, which is better than dealing with heat prostration compounded by alcohol.
We usually have some drama, someone either falls off or gets squashed by a horse and there is always a suspected (or actual) cardiac problem.
Having already figured out that one horse can run faster than another, I have no need to spend money finding this out, so I'm safe there.
Watch this space and tommorrow I will post the most stupid questions we get asked. For some reason, a person in uniform is meant to know EVERYTHING about what's going on at the event.
'No, I have no idea how to fill out a trifecta coupon, but you could just give me the money instead' (I'm sure the shoulder patch says 'Ambulance Officer, not 'Race Official')
'No, we don't sell sunscreen' (in your case,Pinky-too late!)
'No, we don't sell paracetamol' (just keep drinking!)
'No, we don't sell knee supports, sunglasses, crutches, walking sticks or wheelchairs'
But on the positive side, one person did stick $50 in the donation tin after we treated a child for some minor sprain!
The weather forecast isn't that great, which is good for us. A scorcher means lots of work!
We usually have some drama, someone either falls off or gets squashed by a horse and there is always a suspected (or actual) cardiac problem.
Having already figured out that one horse can run faster than another, I have no need to spend money finding this out, so I'm safe there.
Watch this space and tommorrow I will post the most stupid questions we get asked. For some reason, a person in uniform is meant to know EVERYTHING about what's going on at the event.
'No, I have no idea how to fill out a trifecta coupon, but you could just give me the money instead' (I'm sure the shoulder patch says 'Ambulance Officer, not 'Race Official')
'No, we don't sell sunscreen' (in your case,Pinky-too late!)
'No, we don't sell paracetamol' (just keep drinking!)
'No, we don't sell knee supports, sunglasses, crutches, walking sticks or wheelchairs'
But on the positive side, one person did stick $50 in the donation tin after we treated a child for some minor sprain!
The weather forecast isn't that great, which is good for us. A scorcher means lots of work!
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