Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Naenae again?

You know you're living too close to [insert town of choice] when:

1. You let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table, in front of her children.
2. You've been married three times, and still have the same in-laws.
3. You think that a woman is "out of your league" because she asks for a glass with her "Tui"
4. The phrase "Yeah - Right!" reminds you that the off-sales are open.
5. You wish your toilet at home could be as clean as the one at the pub.
6. Anyone in your family has died right after saying "Hey, watch this!"
7. You think Dom Perignon is an American Mafia boss.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. Your local school has a students' crèche.
10. One or more of your kids, was born on a pub pool table.
11. One or more of your kids, was conceived on a pub pool table.
12. Your back door wood bunker is ideal for the Pit-Bull to raise its pups.
13. The trade-in value of your old Falcon goes up and down depending on how much fuel is in the tank.
14. You don't have to leave the house to put rubbish in the Wheelie bin.
15. You once lit a match in the toilet and the windows blew out.
16. You only need one more stamp on your card to get a freebie at "Tam's Tattoos".
17. You can't get married to your childhood sweetheart because of the current bestiality laws. 18. You think "loading the dishwasher" means giving your wife the clap.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers.
20. The soundtrack on your wedding video ends with the loudhailer message: "THIS IS THE POLICE..........."

4 comments:

Murray said...

Damn I only managed to score a three.

Masculator said...

Oswald, you are doing wonders for the Featherston tourism industry, mate!

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of Cannons Creek

Dave said...

You may be interested to know that I was in Naenae the other day and made a few salient observations.