Saturday, February 25, 2006

Christchurch Skools

For those who have spent time in Christchurch A great place t0 visit, but live there? I lived there for 10 years (I was sent there, BTW!)

It doesn't seem so bad when you live there, but when you move, you realise what a possum-brained bunch they are down there! The place is only a bigger version of Masterton and the local hillbillys have learned to wear shoes (on acount of the frosts!)

Incidently, this site gets more hits from either Guam, Luxemburg or Japan than the whole South Island.





HOW MANY CHRISTCHURCH SCHOOL STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Rangi Ruru - One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Hornby High - Two. One to change the bulb and one to figure out how to
get high off the old one.

St Bedes - None. They're all too drunk to notice and even when they're
sober if they spot a hole they just put their willy in it.

Girls High - One. She'll put through a call to maintenance staff because
there's no way she's going to do manual labour.

Hillmorton - None. That place looks better in the dark.

Riccarton - Six. One to change it but only after the other five have
found an interpreter to translate the English instructions.

Burnside High - Seventy six. One to change the globe. Fifty to protest
the globe's right not to change and twenty five to stage a counter
protest.

Christ's College - None. Those poor bastards are keeping their backs to
the wall even if it means standing in the dark. "If you can't get a
girl, get a Christ's boy".

Avonside - Five. One to change it, two to make sure her hair ribbons are
still in place and another two to make sure her bag looks cool at all
times.

Linwood High - Six. Four to break into the store, one to steal the globe
and one to install it.

Villa Maria - None. It is too unsafe for pregnant girls to attempt such
a dangerous task.

Papanui High - 10. One to change the bulb. One to call their dealer and
eight to have a session why they wait.

Aranui High - None. Everything not welded down had been flogged long
ago.

Hagley - None. Everyone is either suspended or bunking (including the
teachers).

Boys High - Two, one to change the bulb and one to make the observation
that it isn't half as bright as the light shining from their arses.

Marian - None. They only have to give head to the Shirley boys and it's
done for them.

Rangiora High - None. Electricity has yet to make it out that far.

St Thomas's - Four. One to change the bulb, three to count how many
times he mentions rugby and f^$%king someones mother.

St Margarets - None. The Butler can do it.

Cashmere High - None. They really can't be bothered, and there's
surfing to be done.

Lincoln High - three - one to change it and two to hold the sheep still
so he can stand on it.

Shirley Boys - None. They're too busy covertly breaking the bulbs over
at Marian so they can get head.

Rudolph Steiner - Orange. No, look, orange! Stop trying to impose
your stupid majoritarian lightbulb dogma on me, you fascist!

8 comments:

Oswald Bastable said...

The one person I know, who visits from Christchuch is obviously excluded from my comments ;-)

sagenz said...

dad went to boys high about 70 years ago. it has lit up since then. i think you might get a few more hits from the wop wops after this effort

Rick said...

Hah sucker. Missed Kaiapoi High.

Dave said...

and Middleton Grange.

peterquixote said...

what yous gots to remember ostable that Christchurch is the peoples socialist republic and like it true that um them possum not too bright and where Guam?

libertyscott said...

The mission is to do the very same for Wellington and Auckland!

Kiwi Bloke said...

How did Christchurch schools suddenly catch your attention, Oswald? What's your motivation? You are right about Rangi girls, by the way! They are almost as bad as Nga Tawa girls without the horse.

Anonymous said...

TROLOLOLO i when to Riccarton last year and you can't go anywehere with out seeing a group of over sea transfer student, last i checked there are three group of asains the L block Asains that hang around L Block talking about Badminton, dota, and rune scape, the Rich B block asin that line the corridor with all there I phone samsung galaxy and other rich gadgets, the FOB (fresh of the boat) asain that hang around G block where the accounting and economic and ESO classes are and the Koren which all ways buck and say ju go la (meaning you want to die) when you go next to them