Thursday, June 28, 2007

Some corrections regarding things told to children...

I have been told that I am shamelessly spreading misinformation and need to publish some corrrections.

Children may not be sold
Children may not be given away
Children may not be used for medical experiments
Children may not be apprenticed to chimney sweeps
Children may not be made into saveloys
Children will not go through the floor when jumping from the couch
There are no crocodiles under the house
The rabbit does not eat steak, cats, dogs or boys
Dad's ute does not transform into a giant battle robot
Dad's 6mm Remington is only CALLED a 'Poodle-shooter'
Noodles are not made from minced poodles
Ears are not 'Boy Handles'
'Oliver Twist' is not essential reading for five year-olds
Dad was not 'thrown out of the SS for cruelty'
Nor was your mother
The Weber is not for roasting small children
Grandma's straw broom is not direct evidence of witchcraft
You cannot physically fit down the drain of the bath
Mr Bean is not related to your grandfather
Nobody has ever been actually murdered in a dental clinic
The Warehouse does not employ child-catchers
The Warehouse is not employment for 'special needs' people
Ronald McDonald does not lure children into a giant mincing machine
Nor is he the illegitimate son of Satan
MP3 players do not suck your brains out and steal your soul
Mum is not really a vampire, she just doesn't like garlic
Sweets are not 'Kiddie Ampthetamines'
Dad never took part in the Spanish Inquisition, the Valentines Day Massacre, any of the World Wars, the Alamo, the Clone Wars or any event involving aliens, nor does he personally know or is related Dr Evil, despite any physical similarities.

7 comments:

KG said...

I shudder to think what you're teaching the children Oswald--at least half the things on that list are true.

julie said...

Hi Oswald,

Off topic but I thought you might like this post I wrote.

men's awareness month gossip

Mrs Smith said...

"Ronald McDonald does not lure children into a giant mincing machine."

Does too.

sweetpea said...

I dunno about that falling though the floor boards by jumping of the couch one. Especially after spraining an ankle after jumping on the deck and going through a board :S

gecko said...

Lol, I think they'll turn out to be well balanced children ;)

Mark said...

Poodle-shooter!

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

ZenTiger said...

Very cunning. The list is ominous by its omissions!