Cover artwork

The top one, I think!

Some corrections regarding things told to children...

I have been told that I am shamelessly spreading misinformation and need to publish some corrrections.

Children may not be sold
Children may not be given away
Children may not be used for medical experiments
Children may not be apprenticed to chimney sweeps
Children may not be made into saveloys
Children will not go through the floor when jumping from the couch
There are no crocodiles under the house
The rabbit does not eat steak, cats, dogs or boys
Dad's ute does not transform into a giant battle robot
Dad's 6mm Remington is only CALLED a 'Poodle-shooter'
Noodles are not made from minced poodles
Ears are not 'Boy Handles'
'Oliver Twist' is not essential reading for five year-olds
Dad was not 'thrown out of the SS for cruelty'
Nor was your mother
The Weber is not for roasting small children
Grandma's straw broom is not direct evidence of witchcraft
You cannot physically fit down the drain of the bath
Mr Bean is not related to your grandfather
Nobody has ever been actually murdered in a dental clinic
The Warehouse does not employ child-catchers
The Warehouse is not employment for 'special needs' people
Ronald McDonald does not lure children into a giant mincing machine
Nor is he the illegitimate son of Satan
MP3 players do not suck your brains out and steal your soul
Mum is not really a vampire, she just doesn't like garlic
Sweets are not 'Kiddie Ampthetamines'
Dad never took part in the Spanish Inquisition, the Valentines Day Massacre, any of the World Wars, the Alamo, the Clone Wars or any event involving aliens, nor does he personally know or is related Dr Evil, despite any physical similarities.

One of those ideas that passes by...

Given the mediawankfest over police IQ- how about one for politicians, along with needing a psych up-check before they are allowed to take office?

It makes sense when you think about it. I mean- it's all about public safety and please think about the poor children!

I did like the idea in one of Terry Pratchat's books- where all politicans were presumed guilty, so they were locked up as soon as they were elected- saved time!

Nice to be some!

New Zealands most pampered union gets another lollypop

That equates to a 2% pay increase- as all companies who have just been lumbered with the extra week's annual leave well know.

Of course that doesn't matter- the great taxpayer cash-cow will deliver!

I wish I could charge for the minimum hour a day I spend working with my boys and extending the homework they get! (no- not really!- that's just what parents SHOULD do!)

This is on top of a sick leave plan that would make a Scandinavian workers paradise blush.

Every week one of these taxpayer funded she-mountains is off on the bludge!

Suck it up, shithead

This arsehole think he is getting a raw deal. He thinks he is being clever by saying his mother thinks his sentence is too harsh.

News flash!

There are one hell of a lot of us out here that DON'T.

Many think there should be an additional '1' on the front of your sentence.

I personally think it should be a much shorter sentence.

Just long enough to get the gallows erected!

The vicims family offered some excellent advice:

"...Members of Ashley's family yelled "go hang yourself George" as he was escorted from court by security guards..."

Criminals are seldom self-starters, so I believe the least we can do is to put the rope around his neck and arrange for a 2 meter drop!

Power companies & the privacy Act

Here is a story on this subject:

Two weeks ago I called up:

'The power is out at XXXXXX water plant'

"what is your account number"

"Don't have that, I'm the contractor running the plant"

"We can't help you without the account #"

" 5000 people are about to run out of water in one hour- you are saying ypu won't help?"

"We cAn't help without the account number"

" OK, thanks for nothing"

Go for a drive- find linesman- problem sorted in ten minutes...

I'm not totally blaming the power company- the dumbass council had NO backup plan in case of power failure for a supposedly essential service....

Here are two I may have a go at making

You wont see this in old copies of 'Good Housekeeping'

Over on KOTGD, there is a link to another site with amusing observations on pictures from a 60's copy of 'Good Houskeeping'

The 'Crusty Tuna Surprise' reminded me of this one!

My one go at knife-making

I made this one when I was 19- its filed from a RL bedford truck spring, has a brass guard and the mahogony handle is secured by epoxy and two brass pins.

The handle looks too chunky, although it fits my hand well (them being big and chunky too!)

The .45 auto round gives an idea of the size.

Bugger off bloody bizzybodies

What is it with those who just have to encroach on a group that don't want them?

Why would you want to join a club were you knew you weren't particularly wanted?

Its not like this is the only bowls club in the Wellington region!

These bloody irritating women love to trot out the Human Rights Act, but let some bloke try to get into a women-only gym, its a different story...

Get back to the kitchen and bake some pie!

Nanny state medicating us 'for our own good'

Follic acid in bread- story here

Now I have an idea- why not take the damned stuff IF you are pregnant? - and leave the rest of us out of it!

While I'm at it- try planning your friggin pregnancy!

What next- prozac in our beer?- so we don't care what nanny does to us?

It would be for our own good, after all- you will be a lot happier!

That's what they told the tomcat too...

On a slow boat to Mars

I could nominate a few people for this experiment!

Mainly so I could run a book on how long it took the other guinea pigs to throw them out the airlock. Unfortunatly, there will no vaccuum outside- which is not to say that they wouldn't have been strangled or bludgeoned first!

In particular the local council kumquat I just spoke to on the phone...

From the loony-tunes left

Votes for sixteen year olds.

[insert Tui Ad here]

What is this insanity?

Simple- a vote-grab. As with the lowering to 18. Why- because most inexperienced and naive youngsters vote liarbour or green. As we well know, this is the way student types lean at that age.

The others at that age are doing what they should be doing- getting drunk and trying to get laid.

I love the inconsistancy here- brain-dead bradford is one minute saying the are to stupid to have a choice of food at school and the next minute saying they should be able to vote.,

My views on the franchise are that it should only be given to adults over 21 who own property (or are paying THEIR OWN mortgage) and who are not on welfare or imprisoned.

Without some sort of criteria for eligability other than a pulse, we wind up with a 'bread & circuses' mentality.

As is plain for all rational persons to see!

They just don't friggin' get it!

Just reading the local paper and saw an article on sombody bemoaning the amount of her rates.

Fair enough. They are high for whaty you get over here.

Then she goes on about work that should be done, such as upgrading the ancient swimming pool by enclosing and heating it. In a town of less than 800 ratepayers- how does Mrs Meathead think THAT will impact on her rates?

Lower rates AND more & better services?

I would like to see that one delivered!

Fixing the frickin' kitchen door

Replace mechanism with the one swiped from a wardrobe door.

One year later, this too falls apart.

Take two months to remember to buy the new handles set.

Remove screws cemented in place by multiple coats of paint.

Discover that the inside of the new set is totally incompatable with the old hole in ther door.

Search garage for the door hole drill set last used six years ago.

Start cutting new hole.

Take flat drill batteries back to garage to charge them.

Next day- drill holes, search garage for builders bog to fill old hole.

Back to Mitre 10 for builders bog...

Update:

File & sand back

Search garage for chinglish instructions and the critical template

Drill holes

Find spare battery for drill

File bits out to make the barrel actually fit in the hole

Look for 1" chisel

Search for oilstone- and oil

Sharpen chisel

bandage finger

Discover eyesight has deteriorated since the last time I did this job

Fit lock

Find plastic wood and patch up

Sweep up dust & shavings

Door now opens and closes!

Next time consider open-plan living...

I can see my house from up here!

I finally have a 21st century computer and can now use all sorts of fun things -like Google Earth

Finally, video actually works!

And all weekend without a crash!

I find it hard to believe that there are still houshold that don't have a PC of some description, but then there are those that don't have books either...

Update:

Fill holes with builders blog- stink house out

One- no two- of life's observations

You know there has been a family birthday when on the day after, you go to the supermarket and all of the cheap read wine (non-cask!) has been sold out.


Then there is another:

Your wife watches you downloading to your MP3 player then as soon as you have the damned things in your ear, starts yakking to you- for the first time that day!

Here endth the lesson...

TANSTAFFL

Upgrade night

Almost done.

This gets easier every time I do it.

As usual, the hair-pulling stuff was getting all the old files off the old system- which wouldn't see the new 1G memory stick...

Normal service will be retored tommorrow.

Honour- these pigs have none!

This is just plain premeditated MURDER. Call it an 'honour killing', but its the same thing!

The sort of murder that gets an appointment with Jack Ketch- in parts of the world that still have their priorities right!

This is one good reason that these swine have no place here in NZ! You don't try to friggin' integrate them- you deport them.

Outside of the box

The aproach to moving prison inmates is all wrong.

Don't bloody move them so damned often!

Move the courtrooms- they should become part of the prison complex, as should the police lockups be, where there is a convienient prison!

Selling Wellington's court facilities would easily raise the money to build anew at Rimutaka, for example.

There- that wasn't so hard really!

As for their bloody 'Human Rights'- screw them- all rights suspended when the judge says 'Guilty'

As for this 'They are sent to prison as punishment, not to be punished'-Feckin' bollocks. Some trite phrase one of these soft-cock reformers has vomited and is now taken as of being handed down from the mountain on a stone tablet!

Most of these crap-heads (about 90%) don't get half the kicking round they deserve!

And you would get a lot more into a compactor truck than a Ford Transit!

Prisoner restraint- a hemp rope around the neck!

How sad- cry me a friggin' river!

After many years of being bounced around in the back of an RL Bedford, I have little sympathy to their plight. Hows many troops have died being transported compared to crims?

They should be manacled for their own protection, but more so for the protection of A- the public and B- Corrections staff.

The driver & escorts should have shotguns and sidearms- even soft-cock scandinavian crim-huggers do that!

The waist restraints should be the electrical types and they should be hobbled.

If toilet breaks are a problem (we ALWAYS warned then to go first!) then adult sized nappies are available (That s diapers to my American friends!)

Deadbeats and Electricity payments

What is the fuss about people deadbeating. The soultion is simple and yet again, looks to the past.

Electricity meters that require money up front.

About 15 years agao in Christchurch, I had the option of a $200 bond for power or have a prepay meter put in.

You got a card and took it into the MED and got it charged up with a nominate damount of money. This was then swiped through the reader and credited to you. You could see how much credit you had on the display and when the unit estimated that you were down to three days power at the current rate of use- it started beeping.

If you had bad credit, one of these was compulsary.

A carrot was that as you prepaid, you got a 10% discount on your power!

When I moved to Wellington, there was no carrot nor was there a large bond- so I did not bother.

I don't know if these are still around, but they seem the ideal solution to power deadbeats.

Try THIS Hilton!

If you can't do the time, don't do the crime!

Sympathy- its in the dictionary between 'shit' and 'syphilis'

And it did come to pass...

Many moons ago (1989) I did predict that music would come upon a plug-in RAM chip and the unbelievers did gnash their teeth and say that I was full of it!

And the MP3 player did come forth and I did say 'that's bloody close enough' and bade the unbelivers to do an unspeakable act.

And the cellular telephone did appear and I sayth that one day they would be in every hand and be pay as you speak and not on a plan.

And the unbelivers did roll about in a palsy and sayth that I knew not what I spoke off.

And the Prepaid did issue forth and humble the worshipers of GOATSEE.

Then the video phone was sent amongst us and the shallow ones did say 'This will fly like a lead zeppelin' and I said 'Bollocks- I can think of five applications off the top of my head'

And again I did smite the evil ones with the TRUTH

And they did say that 'nobody likes a smart-arse'

And they did utter that I should get what god did to the sodomites.

And I did state that it could not be worse than what the Sodomites did to each other. And bade them return to their Betamax and Teletext machines.

Here endth the lesson...

Castlepoint Lighthouse

Until I get my new computer next week, I have to pinch other peoples images off the net!

I DID take a photo of this last weekend, but it didn't come out quite as nicely as this one of the Castlepoint Lighthouse. The pointy rock in the background is called castle rock and is far bigger than it looks.

One of these little inconsistancies

Remember the media circus over a bunch of cops watching a porno movie 25 years ago?

How about howls for the investigation of the culture of the profession of this deviant?

If you can demonize one profession, why not this one? Its not like this is the first of their kind up on sex charges. Thee would be a lot more than the police have ever had.

Especially with children...

Buggery Bloody Buggery Bollocks!- a momentary flash of sanity in NZ!

Greg Carvel's ordeal is finally over here:

And about bloody time! I have a sneeking suspicion that the police didn't want to charge him, but it was ordered by those who say they do not influence police policy (yeah, right!)

He SHOULD have gotten a gong for preventing a dangerous looney from getting access to firearms!

He SHOULD have been supported as a victim of a serious crime.

He SHOULD be compensated for this frivolous/malicious prosecution.

I'm sure Greg won't be holding his breath waiting for the above.

My thanks to all those good people who supported him with words, thoughts and money!

What is coming out of cases like this is that, while the police say firearms must not be used for self-defense, the courts are not backing this stance.

The courts are doing things right here (for once!)- we DO have a right to self-defense. The same one our police have and use.

The precident is well-established. Now we need to move to a point where these VICTIMS of crime are not financially crippled defending themselves for what is their right in law.

To preserve their lives and property by the best means available.

Where did the 'Alleged' go?

Every time a crim is caught red-handed, the media are very careful to say 'the alleged axe murderer'

It's always 'the alleged' until after the trial.

Except:

When it's about disconnecting electricity!

The same 'leaders' (who couln't lead hungry wolves to meat) are all too quick to point out that we must not judge before the jury does, and takes the public to task for' having a lynch-mob mentality'

Except this time.

Arseholes one & all!

Update:

Insolent Prick doesnt post often, but when he does- it's worth the read.

An excellent summation of this media frenzy here

'Twas a cold & stormy night...

Ain't it fun working out in 120k winds, in the dark!

Especially when the trees start losing branches, pine cones, etc...

Finally got the plant restarted after a power plant with much fun & games, so the water continues to flow.

Now it's food, shower & bed.

Crystal ball Gazing

Todays prediction:

Actors are a species on the verge of extinction. My guess is that the days of the high paid actor will be all over in 10-15 years.

A comet in the form of CGI is entering the atmosphere of their world now.

There will still be work for 'actors' who do movements for the cgi 'skin', but before long the software will do all that too. Same deal for voice-overs.

All the friggin' primadonnas will be back to doing panto's!

And the stage is a far harsher mistress than the screen.


Best of all, maybe they will stop getting actors who's opinions are considered worth a shit!

I SHOULD have known better..

I did something dumb today.

I brought a new PC from DICK Smiths!

It's already been returned. POS would lock up after 10 minutes running.

By the time I had realised that it was the PC and not the internet- which is running at dial-up speeds today, the wife had stripped the software out of the old PC and installed it in the boy's room.

So I'm slowly tapping this out on my laptop- without a friggin mouse!

On the way back from getting a refund, I saw some of the worst driving I have ever seen on our roads. One moron in a Karori tractor travelling at 70k followed by a rusted out shitbox driven by the hillbillies from Deliverance made a totally effective rolling roadblock. So of course we had those who just HAD to get past- I saw two cars in the opposite lane forced into the shoulder and had the brakes on hard a couple of times.

I'm staying home with a bottle of brandy and will not leave for the rest of the weekend!

The turn of a friendly card

Ever have one of those moments when a whim causes you to avoid what could have been a very sticky situation?

I had one today. Out for a drive in our new car, I decided to go to Castlepoint instead of Riversdale. A black dorkmobile boy racer car zoomed past us at speed and I gave them the usual friendly wave and the 'crash & burn' curse. Just after that, at about 1230 we passed the Riversdale turnoff.

After a walk up to the lighthouse and around the beach, we returned and on the way, saw a police car stopped at the turnoff blocking the road, lights flashing.

When I got home, I saw on the Yahoo News that there was a fatality crash near Riversdale- one dead, five injured and five cars involved.

At about 1230...

A new Blog

Over here:

A collection of photos taken in places most NZ'rs never venture- just off the main roads!

Some will be from places where the public are not allowed to venture. Don't bother asking for the key to the gates!