Saturday, July 30, 2005

Morons I have known- a weekly rant

Why do I have a low regard of the human species, in general?

Here are some of the stories:

Feeble-minded flatmates

In my younger days, flatting was something of a necessity, as the cost of alcohol meant other expenses needed to be minimised.

So we got Sheryl.

Before I continue, Sheryl was not blonde.

She sort of came with another female flatmate, who, I suspect, kept her as a sort of house plant that watered itself.

She was useless, back in the days where there was more or less full employment, she worked cutting out fabric at a clothing factory, not being trusted with machinery. Her aspirations in life were to aspire to the lofty heights of Car Groomer.

In some strange manner, she reminded me of a cocker spaniel, without the ability to fetch shot rabbits.

She totally failed at cooking- I have never seen someone burn saveloys and boiled potatoes before. She couldn't be sent out for takeaways, as she always got the orders wrong. At the end of the day, I don't think we let her do much housework, as she always managed to break something.

At this point, you ask why we didn't throw her out to the mercies of the street?

You got it, from the neck down, she was HOT! Our dodgy friends and associates used to come round to shag her and we would drink their beer (No decent bloke ever turned up visiting, with less than a crate under their arm, in those days)

Strangely enough, I never had the urge to bonk her.

Conversation-wise, she was about on a par with an African Grey Parrot. Never had a shortage of chaps willing to take her out and ply here with rum, mind!

I wonder what happen to Sheryl? I guess she found some virgin bloke who had fell madly in lust and actually followed through on the promise of marriage (which was, I am reliably told, the key to getting her horizontal- hint at wanting to get married). From there to 4 kids and a lifetime of taxpayer support, no doubt.

Another pair of 'Don't knows' on the poll of life...


Zola said...

Firstly you slag her off because of what she wants to do for a job -a car groomer - what a snob! Don't you think people who aren't that bright get the shit end of life anyway without you and your lot adding to it?

Oswald Bastable said...

So you think this is the site to get flowers and big hugs?

This site exists to poke shit at people

Sod off, bliss bunny!