Friday, June 30, 2006

Cold feet- build here...

The shell of the new non-staffed prison is even already there!

Sulphur can be mined and traded for food (I'm sure theWWII K ration can be revived)

Best of all, the underfloor heating is already there!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

New just in!

It has been reported that it was so cold in Hastings last Thursday that Donna Awatere-Huata was caught with her hands in her own pockets.

Heated Bloody floors- what next- gold-plated crappers?

So these new five star prisons need heated friggin' floors!

What a load of donkeybollocks!

Make the scum work!- that's the way to warm the idle sods up- heated bloody floors! Set them to breaking rocks with hammers- I never saw anyone doing that shiver!

Next it will be bidets, heated towel rails and friggin' waterbeds!

DO the old folk who can't chop wood anymore, afford electricity or gas get given HEATED FLOORS?- people who have paid their dues!

Of course they friggin' don't! They put on another jersey or an extra pair of socks.

My feet sometimes get cold out working in frozen bush and paddocks- can nanny state please buy me some electric socks?

Ship the bastards to the Auckland Islands, where warm is cuddling up to a seal...

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Hanging- something we need to see here

Another fine candidate for hanging:

A filthy, sub-human Paedophille who serves no purpose but to waste oxygen.

Stuff hanging them quietly hidden away.

String the fuckers up in the stadium and sell tickets!

All proceeds to go to their victims!

Monday, June 26, 2006

WE have ways of making you talk....

Won't talk?

I know a way.

Offer money.

One of these peices of shit will rat the others out.

There is no honour amongst crims...

Sunday, June 25, 2006

On Baby Murderers

They should have already done the decent thing and killed themselves but haven't, so hang them.

Those who try to cover up such a murder- flogging, public shaming in the stocks, then prison.

There are no excuses for beating a child to death.

And bring back the workhouse for these friggin' deadbeats who won't support themselves!

Brown, white or brindle!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Today's Lesson

In ancient Greece, Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came across an acquaintence who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple Filter?"

"That's right,"Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you are going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutly sure that what you are about to tell be is true?"

"No," the man said. "Actually, I just heard it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No- on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrased. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the third test though, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well, concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True, nor Good, nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair with his wife.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Yet another mixed message...

Apparently, Dickless wants us to save more:

Dr Cullen says the figures are evidence New Zealanders' savings habits are inadequate, which is why the Government is introducing the Kiwisaver scheme to lift the level of savings in this country.


OK, so we are meant to save.

Question: If half the bloody country is so poor that they need to be on a friggin' benefit (WFF), who does the saving?

Another bit of plagarism...

This is from England - but does it ring any bells for anyone here.....?

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

New Gold- Plated Bitch's Box

Details on the latest waste of OUR money Here:

"A new women's prison, described by the Government as a world class facility designed to help inmates turn their lives around, opened in Auckland today...."

What they have built is a time out facility for these slags to have a rest from their drugs, loser sperm donors and meal ticket kids.

A tent city ringed in wire with vegetable gardens to tend and wood to chop for fuel would work better.

The soft cock do-gooders seem to think that a taste of a better life will turn them around.

[Insert Tui Ad]

It will be a rest home for junkies, whores, theives and layabout trash.

They will be as likely to change their ways as a Frenchman is likely to move from living next door to a brothel!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Space shuttle a go for 1/7?

Now I posted a similar story about a year ago, when I started this blog!

Get the friggin' thing of the ground!- it's probably safer than a tour in the big sandpit!

or you could just get the Russians to run NASA...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

That takes care of the tax refund!

The Uberti Walker Colt- 4 1/2 pounds of the most powerful handgun until the invention of the .357 magnum. Built out of modern materials, it has lost the nasty tendency of the original to explode in your hand!
I have enough for one of these, a kilo of powder, a couple of hundred balls and maybe a holster.

To hell with a new computer!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A new pleasure!

Real chocolate!

Not the crap full of caramel and other cheap fillers- just chocolate.

Dark, bitter-sweet real stuff.

Whittaker's turn out another great product!

Friday, June 16, 2006

1/2 way

That's 1/2 the course done!

Thankfully, we are onto practical subjects now.

It's a bit like working & taxes- the first bit is for the govamint- 4 days of Legislation and Regulations, then 6 days on actually doing the job.

So for, it's been a doddle, if not a bit tedious. I'm wondering why I bothered going to school as i seem to have to keep repeating 4th form science & maths.

Scary thing is that many my age don't know basic maths. These people are adding chemicals to your water!

I'm glad to report that they are in the minority!

Another week and I can return to not poisoning the consumer- and knowing how and why I'm doing it.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Spot the difference

Trick question!- they are both mindless, shit-eating parasites!

Having so kindly decided to allow me to have some of my money back, they have decided to screw up the job.

"as we don't have your bank account details, we can't direct credit...."

BOLLOCKS!!! you wankers do have my bank details.

That's how I get my 'working for labourites' kickback every fortnight!

For the last two nights yer wanking automated phne system has been kaput, so I can't 'follow the friggin' prompts!'

I hope one of the worms pictured above gets confused as to which end your arse is (understandable) and crawls out your nose!

There is some hope...

It's refreshing to hear a room full of people from all around NZ sart snarling when the subject of government regulations are brought up. (yet again)

I'm on a course for an industry that is very heavily regulated (but what isn't?)

As one of the tutors commented, "I suppose they think that private industry WANTS to poison it's customers..."

Monday, June 12, 2006

Friggin' Idiot-stick pushers!

Once upon a time, the Post Office and Railways were full of deadwood.

You know the ones. Always leaning on a shovel or generally milling about, waiting for the smoko whistle or knock-off. The old codger who pushed a broom around a workshop, making no impression on the dirt. The cretin who's sole job was to 'Look after the gang's truck'. The terminally useless slattern who made the tea.

They are all gone now.

Or are they?

My latest observation is that they have devolved into NZQA.

(BTW, I'm off on a course for the next two weeks, so I may be a little quiet here ON ACCOUNT OF ALL THESE FRIGGIN' ASSESSMENTS!)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Clean the friggin' sand out of yer ears!

A slight adaptation of an oldy (but still good!)

The 72 Virginians

After getting nailed by a 500 pounder, al-Zarqawi made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping him in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches al-Zarqawi on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on al-Zarqawi 's knee.

al-Zarqawi is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As al-Zarqawi awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you, idiot. What did you think I said?"

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Consume Vast Quantities!

I went out for dinner tonight at The Royal Hotel, Featherston.

I can't remember the last time (if there ever was one) when I recieved a resturant meal too large for me to eat at one sitting- the Lone Star In Christchurch used to come close.

Tonight I found a eatery that defeated my appetite!

I had the marinated pork- about 1/2 a small pig served with enough wedges and coleslaw to feed the late pig for a couple of days! All washed down with Montieth's Dark.

Starters and desert were definitly out of the question- maybe if you spead the meal out over three hours.

The wife had a BLT that was on the same heroic scale. The meals are simple, but hearty and excellent value for money. The BLT & chips was $12.50 and the pork mountain was $15.50

The pub itself is a reincarnation of the old turn of the century timber two-storied pub. The accomodation upstairs will be finished this summer. Now tastefully restored the decour is polished wood and leather, with a roaring log fire and the usual assortment of stuffed animals, old farm tools and weaponry on the walls.

The leather seats are generous and comfortable. Tables and chairs are available on the two decks for those social outcasts wishing to smoke cigarettes.

For those needing such things, there is a large plasma screen showing SKY sports and a TAB & pokies keep the gamblers supporting the govamint's tax needs.

Meals can be had in the bar or in a large seperate dining room, more often used for group bookings.

Do the friggin' maths- is it worth it?

One of the news site I visit has a sponsered banner from some (probably) taxpayer funded busy-body group-

On of the state-the-bloody-obvious 'handy hints' is about turning electrical gear off.

Aparently, turning my PC off each night will save me $100 per year.

It will also take me five minutes each day to reboot the damned thing. (I know- it's an old PC!)

That's 35 minutes a week- 30.33 hours a year.

30.33 hours of rebooting the PC returns me $100.

Not exactly a worthwhile return for my time...

Thursday, June 08, 2006

More crap that irritates me...

"It's worth getting a good frost, as we get such a nice day afterwards!"

That's because your fat arse is parked firmly in front of the heater! You sure aren't out there working in it!

This seems to be a predominatly female comment, more specifically ,from one who had never had to hew wood, pay the power bill, fix a leaking pipe with the air temperature on the bad side of zero, or geneally get their arse outdoors before the white stuff has thawed and the sun is well up.

It's easy to see the best in a bad situation, when it's happening to someone else...

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Feckin' Campervans!

I want one of these on the back of my ute!

That 25mm cannon looks like just the can opener I need.

Campervans- two fossils having a great old time, while 30 drivers behind them are trying to get on with work, get places on time or travel at something close to the speed limit!

Pull off the road and let them past you worthless arseholes!

Before I find a Bushmaster on TradeMe!

Feckin' blogger!

Bastard thing won't upload my images now....

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Family support bribes and moochers

On and off the blogs, I've been hearing blanket refferals to those on family support as 'moochers'.

IMNSHO, WFF is morally wrong- tax should be getting cut axcross the board for all workers. This unadulterated bribe is causing some real dissention out there.

Take any workplace. A group doing the same job on about the same pay. But wait- those with kids are getting more thanks to liarbour handing some of their outrageous tax grab back to some. This is damned unfair- which sums up the current tax rort.

Gloat about in and you seriously risk a smack in the mouth! Nothing like unfairness to cause a division- thanks again liarbour- divide and conquer!

Can you blame those workers (note I said 'workers'- we will revist that later) for taking back what was theirs in the first place?

I can't (and for the record, I'm one of them)

They are no different than the professional or business owner who has a good tax accountant minimise what is taken from him by the government.

They are not Moochers! No more than anyone who files for a tax refund.

There are Moochers benefiting from this setup. The bludgers who breed more than they can support. Be they working or on some kind of dole- this rort was made for them! I don't know that family support will cause them to breed any more- they previously showed no restraint in that area!

They also have the gall to want the 'In work' payment. What part of 'in work' can't the moochers understand...

Friday, June 02, 2006

Dumbfuck of the week

Childcare Workers Fined Over Day Trip
Two childcare workers have been fined after taking a group of pre-schoolers for an outing through a motorway tunnel.

Video Here:

The cops reaction was 'they were gobsmacked' and that was wy reaction when I heard this story!

Taking preschoolers into the Terrace tunnel (Wellington) is almost beyond belief. Where next?- a walk down the runway of Wellington airport?

Doesn't look like the govamint's insistance on (over) qualified child care workers has exactly panned out.

All the regulations, inspections, qualifications and certifications don't count for shit when folks don't have one iota of common sence between the ears...

Thursday, June 01, 2006

How to hide your huge lotto win from the moochers

First, let's define the problem.

You WILL get aproached by every charitable organisation, national and local. You will also start getting hard luck stories from every passing aquaintance you have ever had. There will be expectations that you will 'help out' with mortgages, cars, medical costs, school fees and so on.

You will get approached on the street by people you have never met- on the mooch.

You can expect nastiness, envy and abuse.

This is not speculation- this is what I have been told first hand by lottery winners.

What to do?

The advice the lotteries commission give out is very sound. It is such good common sense it can't possibly have come from them directly!

The short version- put it on short term deposit for about three months- less a bit of cash for a spree- say $20-50k. Buy a car, a plasma screen or just blow it on hats!

This gives you time to develop a Cunning Plan.

People will notice you have money. The trick with telling sucessfull porkies, is to allways have some truth in the story. Admit to a second division win.

If you must chuck the job in, use a cover story about buying into a business using your winnings- that is also a good fob-off (all my money is tied up...)

Of course, once the 'business' is doing well, as it will, if you don't do drugs- houses can be upgraded and lifestyles can visably improve. Don't pay cash for a house- pay the minimum deposit and let the interst pay the mortgage. You can then tell any would-bemoochers that you are motgaged up to the eyeballs!

Holidays away are 'business trips' and there is no need to blow your capital on holiday homes and boats- use hotels and charters. Of course, you can own these and make them pay, if you are so inclined.

It would be easier to reestablish in a new town, but not everyone wants to do that. I want to stay right where I am. Living in a small town you really need to keep a lid on it. Drive to a larger centre to get your ticket validated or preferably, go direct to Lotteries.

That's enough for now- time to get ready for the afternoon shift...

How stupid can you get?

$18m Lotto winners fled country
8.25am Thursday June 1, 2006

"The couple who won $18m on the Lottery fled the country after the news broke, they revealed today.

Helen and Geoff Henderson bought the winning ticket in Kaeo, Northland, and their identity was made public at the weekend..."


Are they certifiably insane? Who in their right mind would give their identity after a win like that!

Every leech, moocher, deadbeat and parasite will now beat a path to their door with hand outstretched.

My plan would to be to tell friends and family I had a large but much more modest win, which would explain the new ute and upgrading the house. I would start a dummy company to explain my lack of employment elsewhere (it will probably do some trading, but that's another story)

They will regret owning up to the windfall.

Wowsers, woofters and wankers- again!

Get fizzy drink out of school says Minister

Thursday June 1, 2006By Errol Kiong

Health Minister Pete Hodgson has told his officials to draw up plans to get soft drinks out of schools by 2008.


Hat Tip to: The Whig

Has the food nazi minister realised what the fundraiser of choice has been for some years in our skools?


Will that be getting the official axe too?