Thursday, June 01, 2006

How to hide your huge lotto win from the moochers

First, let's define the problem.

You WILL get aproached by every charitable organisation, national and local. You will also start getting hard luck stories from every passing aquaintance you have ever had. There will be expectations that you will 'help out' with mortgages, cars, medical costs, school fees and so on.

You will get approached on the street by people you have never met- on the mooch.

You can expect nastiness, envy and abuse.

This is not speculation- this is what I have been told first hand by lottery winners.

What to do?

The advice the lotteries commission give out is very sound. It is such good common sense it can't possibly have come from them directly!

The short version- put it on short term deposit for about three months- less a bit of cash for a spree- say $20-50k. Buy a car, a plasma screen or just blow it on hats!

This gives you time to develop a Cunning Plan.

People will notice you have money. The trick with telling sucessfull porkies, is to allways have some truth in the story. Admit to a second division win.

If you must chuck the job in, use a cover story about buying into a business using your winnings- that is also a good fob-off (all my money is tied up...)

Of course, once the 'business' is doing well, as it will, if you don't do drugs- houses can be upgraded and lifestyles can visably improve. Don't pay cash for a house- pay the minimum deposit and let the interst pay the mortgage. You can then tell any would-bemoochers that you are motgaged up to the eyeballs!

Holidays away are 'business trips' and there is no need to blow your capital on holiday homes and boats- use hotels and charters. Of course, you can own these and make them pay, if you are so inclined.

It would be easier to reestablish in a new town, but not everyone wants to do that. I want to stay right where I am. Living in a small town you really need to keep a lid on it. Drive to a larger centre to get your ticket validated or preferably, go direct to Lotteries.

That's enough for now- time to get ready for the afternoon shift...


Murray said...

I fail to see how this will assist in the primary goal of rubbing everyones face in it.

First purchase would a t-shirt saying "Go ahead ask me for money - No is a short, easy word and I like to use it."

Oswald Bastable said...

Did I not mention that much of my cunning plan is to keep the wife from finding out about the money?


Anonymous said...

Attack dogs, razor wire and claymores would be the first thing I purchase if I won the big prize.

Anonymous said...

mmm... buy a bunch of investment properties and manage them yourself. You are now a property manager. Nobody has to know that you own the properties you manage. You could even have holidays in order to check on properties in other towns or countries.

Claim you won instant kiwi or Bonus Bonds(lesser sum).

Brian Smaller said...

I am never jealous of people earning huge sums from their jobs or businesses, but bugger me if I am not jealous when someone else wins my 18million!