Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I Hate Radio!

If I wanted annoying prattle in my ear all day long, I would buy a Cockatoo!

The next time I buy any kind of sound equipment, it will be without a radio tuner. People in my house have this annoying habit of turning it on, then leaving the bloody room!

I can't stand it! Some moronic twenty-something wanking on about nothing in the morning, whinging pensioners on the talkback and a news service designed by Americans with ADD, who think no nwes is worth of more than a short sentence. Unless it is sport, in which case they wank on about that for the next ten minutes.

The music is always something I don't actually want to listen too, at that time, or more usually, at any time.

As for Crazy Frog, lets not even go there!

Why people have a need to listen to 'Breakfast Shows' is beyond me. All I want before 10am is coffee and a big helping of Shut The Fuck Up from anyone near me.

I don't do mornings...

Monday, August 29, 2005

Oxygen Theives

Here is one, along with stealing everything else, I reckon his biggest crime is stealing oxygen!


337 convictions for theft, fraud, arson and impersonating a police officer. The prick is impersonating a human being!

That many convictions must say this arsehole cannot/will not learn. He needs a long drop on a short rope, or at the very least locking up permanantly(at hard labour) personally, I favour the first option.

This peice of shit is simply a waster of qxygen and has shown no sign of ever wanting to change. When I wrote the piece 'Rif-Raf to the Reservation' (below), this was exactly the type of candidate for the facility described.

The Central Plateau Recidivist Facility.
This is an area of several kilometers square, secured by three layers of high security fencing and is constantly patrolled by the armed forces. There is a 300 metre exclusion zone around this perimeter, which is a free-fire zone, where patrols will fire on anyone, without warning. Inside the wire, there are no staff. Inner fencing is electrified and seismic detectors listen for the sound of digging. Watchtowers with high tech equipment watch both sides of the wire and relay information to the vehicle and foot patrols. They are equipped with automatic weapons and are designed to fend off a massed break-out or break-in.

There is an entry point, which consists of a large high-security bunker. This is where inmates are received and all incoming supplies are rigorously searched. Visitors are never permitted to the facility.The prison has a few utility buildings, which are of concrete and steel construction.

Supplies are minimal and basic. Food must be grown, otherwise inmates must exist on 'K' ration type food. Wood must be cut for heating and cooking. There is no medical treatment, but lethal drugs are available for those who wish to commit suicide.

This is the end of the line.

Thieve from the types in there and see how long you last!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Televison Watching- Why?

If I didn't have a good DVD collection, I would never watch TV. If I didn't have a family who watch the damned thing, it would be off in a room on it's own.

The damn thing blerts out ceaseless advertisments that insult the intelligence of my goldfish.

That sanctimonious whinging AKA Target has just finished in the background. Those assholes whine louder than a bus full of old pommie tourists! I wish more companies would just tell them to fuck off and die!

Don't even get me started on the continual parade of 25 year-olds impersonating schoolkids and the 'smart woman, dumb-as-mud man' shows. Whoever comes up with this dribble should be drowned in a bucket of their own excrement. or preferably, mine!

Bubble gum for the eyes!

Saturday, August 27, 2005


One of the indicators that standards are slipping in society is the acceptance of lateness.

I have been dropping my son off at school for a while now and often stay around until the bell goes at 9am. He is special needs and I like to keep up with what's going on at school, but that's another story.

As I am leaving, there is a regular procession of late arrivals- the same ones all the time. Would it be so hard to get your arse out of bed five minutes earlier? It's not just getting kids to school on time, this is epidemic. People can't/won't bother to get to appointments, meetings, social events on time. My wife's family is that unorganised, that I always give them a time of thirty minutes before the event is actually due to start.

When I have taken these people to task for their tardiness, I usually get something along the lines of "what's the big deal?" They seem genuinely puzzled that someone sees something wrong with their idleness.

Time is a non-renewable resource. DON'T FRICKIN' WASTE MINE!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Blog Software

Found something interesting about this software. I started work on a post in draft form. When I finally published it, 5 days later, it appeared behind all the articles I had posted since!

Such is life, can't complain when someone else provides a service at no cost to myself!

Bets Anyone?

How long does it take a bent ex-mp to make Home Detention?

She WILL get leave to apply, normally it takes some months. I reckon this one will be out with a Gucchi ankle bracelet, within 6 weeks of sentencing.

Let's have a sweepstake- winner gets my latest book, in CD format! Hope you like Lad's Adventure Yarns!

Monday, August 22, 2005

The death penalty for...


I have been out of circulation for two days sorting out problems caused by hijackers. Normally I only visit a variety of known safe site, but I was in search of drivers for a new DVD-ROM, and got badly infected. Unfortunately my spyware remover software had expired. It was like going back to dial-up in the early nineties, again.

These spyware users are nothing but thieves , vandals and trespassers! Thieves of time, information and bandwidth, invading private property, namely my hard drive.

Time is a non-renewable resource. We only get a set amount. Those who waste it are stealing my life and I want theirs in return!
When I say they should receive the death penalty, I'm not talking about the soft options of the electric chair, lethal injection or even hanging. I'm talking seriously medieval!- hot irons, the Pear, the rack and being broken on the wheel.

At least I can yell abuse at deliverers of junk mail and telemarketers, when I feel the need. Who knows where these rapers of small furry animals lurk?

If I ever meet someone who admits to writing this stuff, they will be in for the thrashing of their worthless life!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

He's dead, get over it!

I'm sick of hearing about David Friggin' Lange!

Lets look at one aspect of his 'saintly'life:

He was a lawyer who got plenty of South Auckland scrotes off their charges (or a reduced sentence)

How the fuck is that doing the law-abiding a favour? Keeping the crims at large- what an outstanding contribution to NZ!

Well I won't friggin' miss him!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Stress relief in progress

After the shopping trip from hell (tommorrows topic), satan's little helpers have been banished to the far end of the house, while I have withdrawn to consume vodka and watch 'The Meaning of Life'

How much does a vasectomy cost, these days?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Rif-raf to the reservation

It has often been discussed- what to to with the lowlife recidivists of our land. They refuse to live within our laws or boundaries of decent behavior. You know the type, ever town or city has one. They live in a 'house' that is surrounded by dead cars, mounds of junk, feral children and 'For Sale' signs.

Nightly entertainment includes drug-dealing, all-night parties, domestic violence, boom-boom music and wild dogs barking.

These are the ones that clog our courts, social services and prisons. They are behind most of the 'Petty crime'- burglary's, car theft, dishonesty offenses graduating to the more serious assaults, rapes and murders. Ask any cop who has been on the job for a while and they will tell you how a few families are responsible for most of the crime in any given town, or suburb in the bigger center's.

My proposal:

You refuse to work, habitually abuse substances and have a history of criminal offending. You have been confirmed as a recidivist.
On the third conviction for an offense carrying a penalty of more than 5 years imprisonment, you are committed to Life Imprisonment at:

The Central Plateau Recidivist Facility.

This is an area of several kilometers square, secured by three layers of high security fencing and is constantly patrolled by the armed forces. There is a 300 metre exclusion zone around this perimeter, which is a free-fire zone, where patrols will fire on anyone, without warning. Inside the wire, there are no staff. Inner fencing is electrified and seismic detectors listen for the sound of digging. Watchtowers with high tech equipment watch both sides of the wire and relay information to the vehicle and foot patrols. They are equipped with automatic weapons and are designed to fend off a massed break-out or break-in.

There is an entry point, which consists of a large high-security bunker. This is where inmates are received and all incoming supplies are rigorously searched. Visitors are never permitted to the facility.

The prison has a few utility buildings, which are of concrete and steel construction. Supplies are minimal and basic. Food must be grown, otherwise inmates must exist on 'K' ration type food. Wood must be cut for heating and cooking. There is no medical treatment, but lethal drugs are available for those who wish to commit suicide.

This is the end of the line.

Another WOFTAM

Values to be included in school curriculum:


Well bugger me with a fishfork! Shouldn't this sort of thing be happening as a matter of course. Honesty, respect, responsibility? These are basic behaviors for a civilized society.

OK, they could be seen a bit more, but at the end of the day, most people follow them most of the time. Probably 1-2% of society decide to live totally outside of these norms. It is well known in law enforcement circles, that if you rounded up 4-5 lowlife family's in most medium sized towns and shot them, crime would drop to bugger-all.

If they think they can address the problems of today's ferals by bringing in a unit standard for humanity 101, they have their heads lodged firmly up orifice posterior. This sort of behavior can only be learned in the home. At best the schools can reinforce the positive values most kids are aware of, but need reminding of- as do most adults! I see there has been some kind of social experiment at Cannibal, er, Cannons Creek school, in Porrirua. They gather points for good behavior, which leads to prizes being given.

Excuse me? They are rewarded for doing what they ought to? Do you get prizes in life for not fucking up?- the DBP aside, no- you have to do better than the norm. (In my world, anyway!)

I wonder if they have looked to the Catholic schools for this idea? Say what you will about the Mickies, they run a far better school, these days (now that they have got the Nazi Nuns out!)
If so, they have overlooked on factor. A selection process. Parents have to make an effort AND PAY MONEY (not much), to get their kids into these schools. This tends to eliminates the feral lowlife's noxious offspring from these schools.

This reminds to to write up my thoughts on dealing with the recidivist part of society- another day...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

'Justice' system- Yeah, Right!

Another from the 'Tui Ad' files:

Michael Vaimauga took on three offenders at night, to protect a neighbour’s property from burglary, and to deliver one of them to justice. That is the kind of responsibility every healthy community wants. But not our Judicary, whom I spit on.

Can't these overpaid dumbfuck hand-wringers even comprehend the laws they are meant to operate by?

36. Arrest of person believed to be committing crime by night—
Every one is
protected from criminal responsibility for arresting without warrant any person whom he finds by night in circumstances affording reasonable and probable grounds for believing that that person is committing an offence against this Act.

39. Force used in executing process or in arrest— Where any
person is justified, or protected from criminal responsibility, in …making or assisting to make any arrest, that justification or protection shall extend and apply to the use by him of such force as may be necessary to overcome any force used in resisting such execution or arrest, unless the arrest … [ can be] made by reasonable means in a less violent manner…”

So where does this say "Thou shalt not take the law into your own hands". In a sane society it is the right, no- the DUTY of a citizen to take action against a lawbreaker. Not to wait for the police to maybe turn up, but to take action.

Where the fuck do they find these cretins? I happened to be looking through the ACT site

And found this doozy:

Wacky Greens
An obscure Green MP, Mike Ward may in five weeks be Minister of Transport. Ward, is proud he has never driven a car, and for that matter has often not had a job. He told the Local Authority Traffic Institute last week he had discovered the answer to traffic, on his trips from Wellington Airport to parliament. “Remove all traffic lights so motorists have to negotiate each intersection and the answer to the road toll is to plant trees in the middle of the road.” At this point his audience’s incredulity became uncontrolled laughter. “The trees should be in huge pots and moved around so motorists would not know from one day to the next where the trees will be.”

So now I know where they find Judges!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Carless days- what a load of arse!

I wouldn't be too concerned about this or petrol rationing. I have noticed a trend whereby outrageous statist control measures have been put out, then denied shortly after.

They are testing the water. If there is a public outcry, it is claimed that 'this was just a discussion paper" If it goes unnoticed- watch out.

I remember the first carless day fiasco- it was exactly that. People ignored it, got an exemption or got a old wreck as a second car. Back then, it wasn't too well enforced, but given today's penchant for using the police as the uniformed branch of the IRD, well, you can imagine what those extra 250 police would be used for...

The one I would be more concerned about happening is the 90kph speed limit. With alleged petrol shortages and the catchphrase of 'In the interests of Public Safety...' thrown in, I wouldn't be surprised to see this one slipped in. Not this side of the election, but soon after, should Labour's Thought Police return to power. I wonder what the charge is to be- excessive speed or wasting petrol?

After all, ministerial limo's have some underling to take the fall.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Yeah, right!

From The Tui ad file:


She said then that she had not known she was pregnant until she woke up to find her baby dead in bed beside her. Without waking her partner, she had cut the umbilical cord and dumped the baby over a 1.6m high fence at the back of her property.

Now who actually believes this story?

I Don't!

Nobody could have such a lack of self-awareness, without being totally drug-addled. I've seen a couple of births and they aren't exactly something you could sleep through! The same goes for a pregnancy. I'm reliably informed that you know something is up, from very early on.

Or is this just another case of 'Mad Cows' disease....

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Morons I have known- a weekly rant (3)

The Army Instructor (Gruntus Moronicus)

There is an old adage that those who can- do and that those who can't teach.
Never did I find this more true than in the Army Instructor. Fortunately, the idiots were balanced out by some truly first class people. This tale is not about them!

The Army has an interesting approach to instructing. The first step is to inadequately prepare you for a task, then to roundly abuse and humiliate you for failing to excel at said task. This is presumably character building and has nothing to do with their poor staff retention rates. Hold onto this thought and I will come back to it later.

The Instructor is a person who is, often as not, one lesson ahead of the student, but that's OK- he is always right. Question him about it and you will soon learn not to. To repeatedly question him puts you in the same IQ bracket. I don't know about now, but back in the 1970's cruel and unusual punishment was very much in vogue.

The instructors that I talk about here are easily recognized. The are usually short (surprise, surprise) and stocky. The forehead tends to slope down to the unibrow and the little piggy eyes. They have a strange manner of speech- in addition to the usual service jargon, they LOVE to use big words (anything more than two syllables) Trouble is, they almost always use them out of context and/or mispronounce them! Much like a parrot they have no need to understand what they speak, just repeat stuff- loudly and repeatedly. Shouting was always a good substitute for communication skills, apparently.

It's hard to single any particular one out there- their hallmark is they have no real individual personality whatsoever. At least there are in a niche where they have a use. Recruits may more may not out-evolve them and come to recognize that these clowns were as dumb as mud- they just had a little more knowledge, with emphasis on the little.

By a selection process based on time served and also used by algae, they often rise to senior positions, by virtue of anyone with more talent having left to find a more gainful occupation. With the top jobs held by so many brain-dead drones, the smarter were more likely to seek opportunities elsewhere, thus continuing the cycle.

Those of us with bad attitudes had a name for them- Victim Of The System. They were condemned to live within it forever, being unable to adapt to life elsewhere. And they believed the bullshit they used to spout. Impossible to fell sorry for them, they where such obnoxious crap-heads....

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Feck off!

Arse biscuit!

I like cake!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Credit where it's due

Called the police to a nasty domestic, a couple of nights ago. The women at the call centre was really good and had a car around there promptly.

When I say bad one, I heard someone being hit and there was much breaking of dinnerware, ranting and gnashing of teeth! Heard all this while out in the garage, some distance from their house, which is across the road. I thought about letting them beat themselves stupid, but decided to call the cavalry, as they have small children there. They shouldn't see that sort of crap.

Anyway, after this was all over, the police gave me a call and thanked me for calling them!

Didn't expect that!

Pass the Maxolon!

Just about time to watch the 'Leaders' debate.

I have a bet with myself that they will all be at each other and nothing of any consequence will be said.

A cage fight would be sooo much more fun- and think of the ratings!

I suppose there is there is an extremely small chance that something amusing will happen, such as someone having a massive stroke, or their brain imploding.

I can dream...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Introducing XNC2, an MSN group

XNC2 is one of NZ's most active MSN groups. It has been around for almost as long as MSN groups have been around.

Originally designed as a backup to the XNC News Community, an xtra-managed group, in case that group ever melted down.

As it did, earlier in the year-MSN pulled the plug for unknown reasons- possibly copyright or bandwidth theft. The xtra staff responsible did not address the warning in time, and down the gurgler it went.

No matter- all the 'regulars' belonged to several 'satellite' groups and were soon back in contact, posting up to 3000 messages per week.

This group covers current and not so current events, plus the eternal battle between the left and those who want to run their own lives. There are on-going games, such as 'What's the Mystery item', a general chatter thread, recipe's, computer advice and on-line chat.

The usual mix of sages, loonies, ranters, comedians, shit-stirrers, know-it-alls and the plain weird!

It's worth a look!


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Who has to die?

Who has to die before this puke is actually put away for real?


13 years old and a string of crimes as long as your arm, no doubt, as well as the three high-speed chases in 5 months. The odds on him being salvaged are next to none- the programming is now hardwired.

I have read enough inmate files, to see where this is going. I will repeat this yet again-HE WILL KILL SOMEONE.

The limp-wristed laws won't let him get locked away- some poor sod has to die first. Probably someone who is actually worth something. How the hell did we get to a society where 13yr old shitheads hold us to ransom? The pendulum has swung way too far from the 'hung for a loaf of bread' days (A myth, the death sentence was almost always commuted to transportation, thus creating Australia ;-)

I'm not at all objective on my outllok here- a similar puke near killed me two years ago and I will never regain the full use of my left hand. He was drunk and out racing. Being about 20, he got 21 months (of which he served about 10)

Lock him away, preferably for at least 5 years, at hard labour. If he does it again, stretch his worthless neck with a rope!

Other suggestions I have seen, involve a very large ball & chain permanantly attached and a collar, as seen on 'The Running Man'

Monday, August 08, 2005

Set for Stun!

More evidence that the bleeding hearts are never pleased. I thought they should be applauding the investigation of more non-lethal weapons for the police, but nooooo.


Mind you, the greens have always had the credibility of a fishnet condom...

For my part, I would prefer a good zapping, than having my ears widened by a 9mm slug- or a baton , for that matter.

If the green-between-the ears crowd had ever spent any time on a working farm, they would know that thousands of us get over a good belt from the electric fence, every day.

Sure wish we had Tasers, when I worked in the prisons!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Morons I have known- a weekly rant (2)

I start this by stating that names and details of all morons have been altered, to hide their true identity and protect me from legal rumbustifications, should their social worker have internet access...

The Labourer (s)

During the mid-eighties, I found myself doing drainlaying and concrete work, due to a lack of more gentile positions. The company I worked for started to hire laborer's referred by WINZ (or whatever they were branded as, back then) To this day, I do not know why.

'They call me Wally', stated a cross between Mr Blobby and a compost heap. We took a look at him and thought 'Thought so!'

Wally bumbled through the week, pushing an idiot stick, if he was watched. The next Monday, he arrived complaining of his numerous rugby injuries. He disappeared just after smoko and returned waving a medical certificate. 'Hurt my back at work', he announced, which spelt the end of Walter.

'Sooty' was a shiftless, smelly alcoholic. Back in the sixties, he would have 'worked' for the railways, keeping a shovel or broom from getting lonely. 'Stop/go' man was beyond him, in a way that quantum physics was beyond him. He was one of the few people I have known that could not use a ruler. He did seem to cope with the sports page of the 'Press', as these types do.

His end came when he decided I had a easier job than his, while laying 18 inch diameter concrete pipe.
I used to sit on the previous pipe and guide the next one into the spigot, while it hung from a chain. These pipes weigh about 1/2 a ton each and use a big o-ring to get a watertight seal.
Anyway, after smoko, he jumped into the trench to grab that job. No problem for me, I will go on the crowbar and ram the pipe home. I did say to watch the fingers- immovable objects and irresistible forces, blah, blah,blah.

Then he discovered that holding this bloody great piece of concrete actually called for quite a bit of physical effort to hold in line, so he stuck his fingers in the pipe to get a better grip.

I called 'all clear?' and slammed the pipe home, with all my weight behing the crowbar. You guessed it-two fingers on each hand became one with the pipe and they were going nowhere. Had to pop the join with the loader, to get him out. Exit another.

I suppose once, they found gainful employment on the farm, shoveling shit from one place to another. Or in giving the livestock a smug feeling of superiority.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Hiroshima, Nagasaki- Boom, Boom, we won!

60 years today since Hiroshima got the big firework!

I think it's time to give some of the owners of these 'little buckets of sunshine' some credit for their restraint in flinging them about, rather than whining about the fact that nukes exist....

Friday, August 05, 2005

My conspiracy theory of the week

This is my theory- I made it up myself, this is not copied from someone else!

The NZ police are under attack from organized crime.

Method of attack- implicate senor officers in historic rape cases

1- Lower police morale
2- Remove extremely experienced senior officers
3- Damage public credibility

All it takes is to find women who indulged in the drunken sexual antics common at parties, in the past. From there, blackmail would be the best inducement to 'spill the beans'

After all, this stuff was in the distant past - current partner probably knows nothing of these antics. To save face, she has to cry 'Rape' when the information is 'leaked' . The courts seem to be convicting on 'he said, she said' testimony with no physical evidence.

I would also like to get one thing straight here. I'm not condemning women for having the same sexual standards as men. Nothing wrong with being young drunk and horny!

But I bet there are a lot of blokes out there scared that the past could come back to haunt them. They have good reason to be afraid.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Weddings, Funerals and other stressfests

Why the hell do we inflict these occasions upon ourselves? Like most things, they are not so bad in small doses. My own wedding involved taking 30 or so to lunch at a nice country restaurant. No more stress than pulling out an Amex and kissing about $1200 goodbye. But it was worth it for the total lack of stress.

Self-catered events can also be easy, when the numbers are kept down to under 50 or so.

But then you get the occasion where 300+ are expected and the excrement FOD's the turbine. Unfortunately, I have something of a reputation for logistics and invariably get nominated by she-who-must-be-obeyed.

I have spent today helping organize such an event (I use the term 'organize' very loosely!) Really, it's just a matter of scale, but unfortunately, unpaid helpers to not act like the other kind. The kind that can't disappear, as their employment will do likewise.

With all my tasks completed, I departed to rub vodka into my aching joints (I do so despise 'honest work'!) I leave the less efficient to snap and snarl at each other, as the struggle in their efforts to make life difficult for themselves.

The bugger of it is that it is a bloody funeral and I can't even enjoy the event tomorrow.

The one good thing was that whilst sourcing cheap cutlery in the Red Hell-Hole of Plastic, I found a DVD of Buckaroo Banzi's Adventures Across the Eighth Dimension- for $10!

Now I can finally retire the VHS copy of horrible sound and picture quality!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Gone Shootin'

Black powder shooting is MESSY!

It makes nasty smells, costs a quite bit of money and needs lots of hot water to clean up.

So does sex and I enjoy both !

(I have pair of the shiny one, shown on the bottom!)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Ugly Bastards

Someone recently remarked to me, about the very high percentage of ugly bastards that shop at the Warehouse. I started studying this observation and found that there seemed to be something in it.

Every cheapo discounter seems to attract those beaten badly by the ugly stick. Today I was in WritePrice and the place looked like the local population was subjected to genetic manipulation, using Toad genes. We are not talking 'plain'- we are talking butt-ugly mofos! (Insolent Prick- if you read this, it was in Masterton!)

Along with this, I noticed that it was a bad day for isles blocked by she-mountains and that the luddites paying with cash couldn't figure out how much to hand over for their Port Royal and Reineck. Coincidence- or not?

Casting the mind back a few years to when I worked next to a sexual abuse counseling service- EVERYONE going in there (givers and takers) looked like they had been teleported from the streets of 1970's Moscow. Is that what is does to one, or what makes one?

Heaven knows that the pretty are not always on the right-hand side of the bell-shaped curve, for cleverness, but this still warrants futher study.

What's the chance of a huge grant?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Knee-Jerk reaction to raise the driving age

The whole 15 yr driving age was because that was also the school leaving age. You needed to drive to get to get to work (outside of a few metro centres) Back then you went off to work on the farm, at your apprenticeship or as a gofer,without wasting time getting your head stuffed with superfluous bullshit at school, through to the 7th form.

With the school leaving age at 16, the driving age should probably be 16? sound reasonable?

that's more or less what we have- learners at 15- 6 months before going to restricted, where you sit until well after turning 16. (can't remember the exact time)

Of course, so many totally disregard the terms of their license and drive out of hours, with passengers, etc. Just keep getting caught and fined- put it on the tab, then maybe do a few hours PD or a week in jail.

The laws are OK, in themselves, but prove no deterrent to dead between-the-ears teenagers.

It pisses me off to see a lot of good kids dragged down by these morons.